tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post115558591859530783..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 78Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1156378583346775772006-08-23T20:16:00.000-04:002006-08-23T20:16:00.000-04:00The booby traps remind me of 'Home Alone'.I like t...The booby traps remind me of 'Home Alone'.<BR/><BR/>I like the karate stance. Hoo! Hah! Who's there?<BR/><BR/>I loved it. Just get it in cronological order.<BR/><BR/>If the place has the security of Fort Knox, how the hell would a monkey get in, anyway?<BR/><BR/>You peel a grapefruit like you peel an orange. Except it stings more.<BR/><BR/>Oh, the bucket of tacks is ABOVE the door! I thought they were scattered on the floor.<BR/><BR/>Re: Monty Python. My son made me buy a coconut and cut it in half so he could have his own Concorde. He was clopping all over the house. His own pony and he didn't have to clean up after it. Gotta love it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1156135134130303152006-08-21T00:38:00.000-04:002006-08-21T00:38:00.000-04:00Even more with the additional text you give, I am ...Even more with the additional text you give, I am going crazy--not in a good way--trying to figure out when the actual "now" of the story is. Is "now" the day with the tomato, or "now" a day with an unexpected lack of fruit? And then for a few lines we're on the peach day, and for a few lines we're on a no-fruit day...<BR/><BR/>I can handle flashbacks but I need a clear "now" to flash back from. I feel really alienated if I can't decide which of several possible times is the one where the story is actually happening.<BR/><BR/>I think this could be fixed with minimal revision.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155941945716580662006-08-18T18:59:00.000-04:002006-08-18T18:59:00.000-04:00Yanno, nut, I don't think you have to worry about ...Yanno, nut, I don't think you have to worry about that shit--I mean coffee. They charge something like a hundred bucks a pound for it. A nut like you could never afford it, and at that price, no one's gonna slip it in your drink for giggles, either.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155931192068694982006-08-18T15:59:00.000-04:002006-08-18T15:59:00.000-04:00here's the rest of what i submitted to evile; thou...here's the rest of what i submitted to evile; thought that was a good place to stop, but it happened to be way over the one-fifty mark. sooo, anyway, uh, yeah ... thanks for the comments, folks: <BR/><BR/>A peach was the first one. A pear the second. I didn't have any time at all to remember the peach as I leaned up that second day with the sun, and the pear came at me. Tasted good; it was cool and soft, nice and ripe. I paced around in the kitchen all morning looking for clues. Not a one. Couldn't figure it. In a few days' time, I understood I might be hit with a piece of fruit every day, first thing. <BR/> One day, after about a week of the fruit, nothing happened. I woke up, my eyes the narrowest of slits, and I tried, again, to get a look before the morning fruit. It was more a nuisance than anything, by this time. The shock had gone. It was becoming part of my routine. Well, that day, nothing happened. It felt strange. I sat up and looked around. Everything seemed to be the same, except no fruit. I pulled my drawers on, sat there a while ... stood up and shuffled about the place a little, in a daze, occasionally just standing and staring at nothing in particular.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155917152529077072006-08-18T12:05:00.000-04:002006-08-18T12:05:00.000-04:00This seems like a short story, which I suppose it ...This seems like a short story, which I suppose it could be. Just can't imagine keeping this up for a novel. Or, at least, can't imagine me keeping up with it.<BR/><BR/>That said, I'm very intrigued and I'd keep reading right now. It hooked me.<BR/><BR/>Only comment I'd make is that the cussing seems gratuitous at this juncture, but maybe it's needed for the character. Oh, and the structure of the final sentence pulled me out of the story for a moment. Thought that odd.<BR/><BR/>But those are easy fixes, and not necessary if you don't want to make them. The story itself pulled in for more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155906102044343262006-08-18T09:01:00.000-04:002006-08-18T09:01:00.000-04:00This is pretty over-the-top and I'm not sure it wo...This is pretty over-the-top and I'm not sure it would make me want to read more but I do think that the author is in control and knows what they're doing as far as sentence structure goes. The style certainly complements the wacky subject matter.braunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00387344142594757730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155904886174822292006-08-18T08:41:00.000-04:002006-08-18T08:41:00.000-04:00I am writing in praise of the continuation. It wou...<I>I am writing in praise of the continuation. It would have been a spewing moment, but I finished my soda a few minutes ago.</I><BR/><BR/>Damn! My plot is foiled!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155892189918033242006-08-18T05:09:00.000-04:002006-08-18T05:09:00.000-04:00Hey, author, fwiw, hawkowl hated mine, too, and I ...Hey, author, fwiw, hawkowl hated mine, too, and I liked this. There's no arguing about taste. <BR/><BR/>Also fwiw, I agree with the people who say not to prune just because someone else thinks it leaves out unecessary detail. If you are constantly repeating yourself, sure. But if it's just the way you write, go with it. <BR/><BR/>After all, you could express Hamlet as 'Danish prince goes nuts after his dad is murdered by his uncle and ends up dead, along with several members of family and court, as collateral damage'. The rest is just unecessary detail.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155871541014991232006-08-17T23:25:00.000-04:002006-08-17T23:25:00.000-04:00I like it, barring a few odd commas and strange ex...I like it, barring a few odd commas and strange expressions ('to wake up it is', 'morn'). <BR/><BR/>The commas might need sorting, but the strange expressions might make sense once I had read on - which I would.<BR/><BR/>BTW, if you're going for Irish then it's not consistent enough. <BR/><BR/>What is the bucket of tacks on?McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155855645401309012006-08-17T19:00:00.000-04:002006-08-17T19:00:00.000-04:00OMG-best continuation ever!Author. I'll get back t...OMG-best continuation ever!<BR/><BR/>Author. I'll get back to you on the story. ROTFLMAO.<BR/><BR/>word verification: bsrig (bull shit rig?)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155853934609095142006-08-17T18:32:00.000-04:002006-08-17T18:32:00.000-04:00"coffee beans that have first passed through the d..."coffee beans that have first passed through the digestive system of Indonesian monkeys"? <BR/><BR/>Thanks a lot, Kis! Now I gotta start drinking tea.<BR/>(insert profanity of your choice)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155848614895883622006-08-17T17:03:00.000-04:002006-08-17T17:03:00.000-04:00I don't know if I like it or not, but I would defi...I don't know if I like it or not, but I would definitely keep reading.<BR/><BR/>I think you can make this work. It needs tightening up. I would suggest you try removing the monkey comment to use later. It's funny, but I think that particular line derails the momentum you were building. It's not a hook it's a distractor in your opening.<BR/><BR/>The bunsen burner reference only made me think the curtains would catch on fire.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155846177841868772006-08-17T16:22:00.000-04:002006-08-17T16:22:00.000-04:00I am writing in praise of the continuation. It wou...I am writing in praise of the continuation. It would have been a spewing moment, but I finished my soda a few minutes ago.pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155845893694787472006-08-17T16:18:00.000-04:002006-08-17T16:18:00.000-04:00I agree with kis. I LOVED this, loved loved loved....I agree with kis. I LOVED this, loved loved loved. If I saw a first paragraph like this in a bookstore I'd head straight to the counter with it. <BR/><BR/><BR/>I'm dying to know what this book is about--is this written by the guy with the awesome query about his ex-girlfriend running the highway rest-stop-portal alternate universe?Staciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07969399927758009095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155842047271000362006-08-17T15:14:00.000-04:002006-08-17T15:14:00.000-04:00acd said... In adding to Dave's comment about the ...<I>acd said... <BR/><BR/>In adding to Dave's comment about the profanity, I think you can replace the "shit" with something funnier: "banana byproducts" or "reprocessed coconuts" or something.</I><BR/><BR/>How about "coffee beans that have first passed through the digestive system of Indonesian monkeys"? Don't laugh, it's an actual product. Bleh.<BR/><BR/>I liked this, even if it is a hoax. It reminds me of Ken boy's "autonomous whaling collective" bit he posted on the Crapometer. Stupid and brilliant at the same time. People who don't find this stuff engaging are the kind of people who bitch all through Monty Python and the Holy Grail about why the hell they're using coconuts. I can accept that such people exist, but I have a difficult time relating to them.<BR/><BR/>Anyhow, I really only just posted because my WV is lowla. lalalala-lowla. lalalala-low-la-aah.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155842006098006022006-08-17T15:13:00.000-04:002006-08-17T15:13:00.000-04:00Where is this guy that the first thing he thinks o...Where is this guy that the first thing he thinks of is a monkey?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155839726858638752006-08-17T14:35:00.000-04:002006-08-17T14:35:00.000-04:00Dear Writer,Could you please tells us the source o...Dear Writer,<BR/>Could you please tells us the source of these apports?<BR/>( Hmm...two "p" or not two "p?")<BR/>Please?<BR/>More curious than which came first - the tomato or the peach.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155838090123066122006-08-17T14:08:00.000-04:002006-08-17T14:08:00.000-04:00It's a waking-up scene, but at least it's a differ...It's a waking-up scene, but at least it's a <I>different</I> waking up scene.<BR/><BR/>Confusing about the tomato vs the peach. And how does on peel a grapefruit? I'd like to see that.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504439129670380071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155837060979731552006-08-17T13:51:00.000-04:002006-08-17T13:51:00.000-04:00It didn't sound bad to me, it sounded funny. Howe...It didn't sound bad to me, it sounded funny. However, where can you go from the fruit-alarm clock? So, I figured, there's 3 options here.<BR/><BR/>1: The protagonist is insane.<BR/><BR/>2: There's invisible animals/portal to a jungle/alternate universe.<BR/><BR/>3: This is a joke.<BR/><BR/>I picked #3, because it was just a bit too funny to be real. Still, it's not a criticism, just my honest guess, of what this piece could mean.<BR/><BR/>Ooooh, the beaver just showed up below the tree! <BR/><BR/>"Hey, Nut! Are you there?"<BR/><BR/>Silence.<BR/><BR/>"This is Beaver and Aligator agency, you forgot to pay your compost bill on time... I know you're up there, now get down and pay!"<BR/><BR/>Ha! Collection agency... Good thing, I've got a bag of banana peals, and cracked nutshells here.<BR/><BR/>Empties a bag onto the beaver's head.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the idea, author! Now I can dispose of trash and the jerks bellow, at ones.<BR/><BR/>Oh, and if the begining is for real, good luck with the book. I'm sure it will be a hillarious read.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155836444017572022006-08-17T13:40:00.000-04:002006-08-17T13:40:00.000-04:00I thought it was interesting. I too was confused f...I thought it was interesting. I too was confused for a moment about the peach-tomato thing, but I quickly realized the peach was the first peice of fruit. The thing that confused me was that the fruit stopped after a week, but we started with getting hit with a tomato.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155835907959634142006-08-17T13:31:00.000-04:002006-08-17T13:31:00.000-04:00Bravo to the continuation. Pure genius.This openin...Bravo to the continuation. Pure genius.<BR/><BR/>This opening reminds me a little bit of "When Gregor Samsa awoke from troubled dreams one morning he found that he had been transformed in his bed into an enormous bug." But the narrator does not in fact have an enormous bug problem, he's just a (shut-in?) guy with a mysterious ex nihilo fruit problem and an enormous fire hazard beneath the window.<BR/><BR/>If he is a shut-in or a fugitive maybe, the fact that someone is breaking in to his house undetectably should bother him a lot more, right? So where's the anxiety? Instead, it's just "strange" and "weird" to the narrator. If the narrator doesn't care, then I don't care, period.<BR/><BR/>Is "where the damn" a regional curse? I've never seen it. I would have expected "where the hell".Dan Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06388782974143019065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155835216619217542006-08-17T13:20:00.000-04:002006-08-17T13:20:00.000-04:00I agree with hawkowl, for once.I was not intrigued...I agree with hawkowl, for once.<BR/><BR/>I was not intrigued by this beginning at all. Maybe it's me, but I just kept thinking the guy needed to spend more time trying to figure out where the flying fruit came from<BR/><BR/>Also, the fruit stopping for a week was confusing, too.<BR/><BR/>Sorry.... Don't go by my opinion, however.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155834622847364252006-08-17T13:10:00.000-04:002006-08-17T13:10:00.000-04:00I had the same issue as the others with the fruit ...I had the same issue as the others with the fruit stopping after a week, and when the tomato and the peach came into play, but everything else was funny-crazy. I like. <BR/><BR/>You have a little redundancy that could be removed, but I agree with the others who said don't prune too much. It wouldn't fit the voice you've set up. <BR/><BR/>I would definitely read more. <BR/><BR/>And the continuation is hysterical!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155833970454449022006-08-17T12:59:00.000-04:002006-08-17T12:59:00.000-04:00Guess I'm seriously not with my fellow minions on ...Guess I'm seriously not with my fellow minions on this one but my reaction is more along the lines of - W! T! F! I would be able to drum up no interest whatsoever in a book that started this way. But that's just me. I did like Jane Smiley's Moo, though which was off the wall and quite hilarious. I can't remember how it started off so I can't say what really hooked me.<BR/><BR/>Good luck with this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1155832877014346392006-08-17T12:41:00.000-04:002006-08-17T12:41:00.000-04:00I liked it. I would read on--although I was confus...I liked it. I would read on--although I was confused with the starting with a tomato and ending with a peach.<BR/><BR/>Great voice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com