Saturday, January 19, 2008

Guess the Title 7 (Relationships Edition)

The books described below are available at The descriptions were taken from Your job is to figure out which title goes with each description. The other five titles are fakes made up by your fellow minions.

1. Birds do it, bees do it. And guess what—cookies do it, too. In fact, never have a pair of gingerbread cookies looked so pleased. Featuring an unabashed gingerbread couple, who are photographed in unflinching full color.

a. Appetizing Young Gingerbread For Sale
b. The Spiced and Frosted Kama Sutra
c. The Cookie Sutra
d. Biscuit Beavers and Gingerbread Wieners
e. Ginger and Gilligan: As you've never seen them.
f. After Hours in the Cookie Factory

2. For every woman who's ever come home after a disastrous date or day at the office to the unconditional love and comfort of a pet, this funny, irreverent memoir poses (and answers) the eternal question: Why is it so easy to love an animal and so hard to live with a man?

a. The Love of My Life is a Dog
b. 101 Ways Dogs Are Better Than Men
c. The Litterbox May Stink, But at Least Cats Don't Drink
d. A Pony in my Bedroom
e. The Pig and I
f. Hit the Road, Jack: You can have the house, I'm keeping the dog.

3. The first significant book about men and women actually written by a man and a woman. It's not a lecture, but an extended argument, a combustion of viewpoints that winds up unearthing startling truths. In the words of the authors: "Our Mars and Venus breach their orbits and collide in a screaming fireball from Hell."

a. We Both Know Who's Right, But Only One of Us Will Admit It
b. Women are from Venus, Men Are From Uranus
c. Ffkkunzq
d. Men Think They're Always Right - But Women Know Better
e. Man Vs Woman: The Real Fight of the Century
f. I'm with Stupid

4. How a five-dollar date can get you laid, how to stop being friends with girls and start getting them in the sack, where you’ll have the best odds of finding a one-night stand, and how to get rid of the chick the next morning, how to trick a woman into thinking you’re classy, even if you have holes in your underwear . . . All this and more!

a. The Complete A**hole's Guide to Handling Chicks
b. Getting Laid While Avoiding the Crap that Goes with It: an instruction manual
c. Screw The Odds: How Even Loser Guys Get Laid
d. Ego-Studs: Why Women Love Us
e. Can We Skip the Foreplay? I'm Kinda Sleepy.
f. Lance Corvette's Lovemaster Secrets

5. Bitingly witty comments and candid insights on sisterhood. The perfect present for birthdays, bachelorette parties, or just those times when you want to conjure up some girl power.

a. Ya-Yas Without Ding-Dongs: A Sisterhood Exposed
b. Dish it, Bitch!
c. Sistas Doin' It for Themselves
d. Don't Blame Me, Sister: I Told You Not to Use it in the Bathtub
e. Artificial Insemination: It Sure Beats the Alternative
f. The Superior Sex

6. An illustrated board book with a large die-cut hole in its center. Every spread features a dazzling full-color illustration with one thing missing: a banana, perhaps, or a fire hose, or a sea serpent. Male readers can complete the illustrations using the talents God has given them.

a. Elephant at Play
b. The Larry Craig Art Studio
c. Glory Hole: A Pop Up Book
d. Cock-A-Doodle-Do
e. Give the Snowman a Nose
f. Penis Pokey

7. A refreshing take on the places in and around the home that men claim as their own. The smoking room, the garage workshop, the basement pool room, the recording studio or the wine cellar are just a few examples.

a. The No-Estrogen-Allowed Hideaway
b. No Girls Allowed: A Guide to the Grown-Up Treehouse
c. We Have A Kitchen?
d. Manspace: A Primal Guide to Marking Your Territory
e. Get Your Hand Off My Tool
f. I Don't Go in Your Laundry Room; You Stay Out of My Den

8. Stuck with a boss from hell? Trying to escape a bad date? Looking for a way to fix a friendship, or make it through your next family reunion? Believe it or not, the solutions to each of these dilemmas (and many more!) can all be found in this book.

a. How to Pee Standing Up: Tips for Hip Chicks
b. Smart Solutions to Code Red Situations
c. The AMA Guide to Infectious Tropical Diseases
d. Life: A Survival Guide
e. The Great Fugue State Escape: How to Get Away With Amost Anything
f. Fifty Problems that Can Be Solved With a Gun

9. An outrageous collection of cartoons featuring abundant women, big butts and men acting like dorks.

a. The Pirate King's Big Booty
b. The Crack Book
c. Bottoms Up!
d. My Ass May Be Big, Butt There's More of it to Love
e. Beefybutts and Birdbrains
f. Duffs!

10. One of the funniest and most astutely observed works on the sexes since James Thurber, it turns the often-expressed axiom "Men are dogs" into a howling little handbook on men for contemporary women.

a. Everything I Know About Men I Learned from My Cockapoo
b. Bark Twice for Love: Bad behaviors by the men in our lives
c. How to Make Your Man Behave in 21 Days or Less Using the Secrets of Professional Dog Trainers
d. If I Want Sensitive Eyes, I'll Buy A Fucking Basset Hound
e. Bad Boy!
f. Don't Pee on the Carpet; Don't Howl at the Moon; Don't Lick my Best Friend's Face; and other things I had to teach my husband.

Answers Below

Fake titles contributed by Dave F., Precie, Robin S., surlyQ, Anonymous, EE.

Actual Book Titles:

1:c; 2:e; 3:f; 4:a; 5:d; 6:f; 7:d; 8:a; 9:b; 10:c


SzélsőFa said...

I cheated at the first one and played from 2 to 9. I got 7 out of 9 right, numbers 2 and 7.
Does it mean that the rest of the original titles were worse than the made-up ones?

Dave Fragments said...

I didn't get even one right but I laughed all the way through.

I had to look up "Penis Pokey" and the reviewers recommend that you don't buy the book used. I am NOT going to buy it. ;)
And it's best to turn off your "browsing history" at Amazon if you search out these titles. Otherwise, Amazon starts pestering you with all sorts of odd titles. In Genre's you might not appreciate, too.

Chris Eldin said...

OMG! Penis Pokey?

*tears of laughter turn to tears of despair as manuscript gathers yet another layer of dust. surrepticiously copies some fake titles and scribbles notes. needs hubby for most of the notes. or maybe a bassett hound. damn.*

:-) These were hysterical!

Robin S. said...

Don't know why- but I guessed #1. Maybe because I like the name Cookie Sutra.

Thought #2 was b - love that title, even though I'm a cat person.

As soon as I saw #3, I thought of EE. For some reason. (But NOT because the of the real title. More about the guy being right all the time thing.)

Didn't think #4 was what it was. Loved e - skipping the foreplay. Indeed. What woman hasn't heard (or at least experienced someone trying to get away with) this? Yeah. Didn't think so.

5. I wanted it to be Dish It, Bitch! I really did.

6. This one is my absolute FAVORITE. Who knew there was a penis puppet book? That's a scream.
I'm getting this one for my husband for my, I mean his, birthday. No kidding. Penis Pokey. What a great present, in oh so many ways.

7. I shoulda known they'd claim there's actually a thing called Manspace (there isn't, OK, there just isn't) - especially with all the whining about not having any place of one's own that goes on around here, in this home with only one male who has a working member (the cat is neutered. Heh heh.) But my favorite was: Get Tour Hand Off My Tool.

8. Didn't guess it. I thought the gun one was funny.

9. Didn't guess this one either. Too easy. I liked the other titles better.

10. Didn't guess it- though I like the actual title. My favorite title was: Bad Boy! I really love this one. I am, in fact, planning on using this one tonight. (Especially if there's any trouble with area covered in #4.)

Well, I gotta say, EE, these were fun, and you've given me a really good reason to procrastinate. Thanks!

Robin S. said...

He CL! How's Dubai treatin' ya?

Yeah. The Bassett Hound was mine.
I was in a certain kinda mood when I popped that to EE this morning.

talpianna said...

I almost had a perfect score, but I ruined it by getting the last one right.

You think these are bad? Pop over to Smart Bitches, Trashy Books for the discussion on category romance titles!

Chris Eldin said...

Hey Robin!
Okay. We're at the house, where I found food leftover from last year. (Yet, DH travels back and forth. Perhaps he's waiting for the magic cleaning fairy. Or he knows I'll eat anything)

Passed by the gym yesterday. It's next to a nice cafe. It's also about 1/10th of a mile to walk. Not sure how many steps that is, which poses a question: Do I walk to the community club or do I drive? (Another question: cafe or gym? hmmm....)

My butt is really big. People aren't as fat here as they are in the States (Bill Highsmith is right).

Even though there are all these supposed filters in Dubai because it's a Muslim country, there are lots of European porn channels to surf. Not that I do. Just saying.

Over to you, Bob.

Robin S. said...

Ha! Porn in Dubai. Not a picture I was having.

OK- here's the deal. Walk to the gym, go inside the gym, hire a hot little trainer named Sven or Raoul or Whatever, spend the winter working out and have yourself a big old time.

DH can pay for Sven, as he will be paying you back for havng frozen crappola food in the house. When he's bad, deal with him using book #10. When he's good, hand him book #6 and tell him you wanna play a game. Use dog-training rules found in imaginary book #10 c. (This works for DH, I mean.)

Then, we'll go to Manhattan for the weekend when you get back to the States. (We'll leave all kids and both DH's home.)

Then we'll...well, anyway.