tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post99262471965707608..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 806Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35869002771045000722010-08-31T18:36:56.820-04:002010-08-31T18:36:56.820-04:00Best facelift ever.Best facelift ever.Sylviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05925593802209715440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72458540911096001062010-08-12T23:38:37.586-04:002010-08-12T23:38:37.586-04:00LOL I actually did kind of think it was the fifth ...LOL I actually did kind of think it was the fifth one. Or hoped, at least.Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21433577136237862832010-08-12T18:09:29.518-04:002010-08-12T18:09:29.518-04:00Adding my voice to Phoenix's urging the author...Adding my voice to Phoenix's urging the author to vet her agent on Preditors & Editors, and on Absolute Write's Bewares forum. <br />Also that if it's YA, you may want to drop Aurora's age to highschool. The plot sounds similar to Evermore, but Evermore's plot sounds similar to Twilight, so that's probably more of a selling point than a problem.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4125956740618491672010-08-11T22:05:13.314-04:002010-08-11T22:05:13.314-04:00@ Joe G: Admit it, you totally thought GTP#5 was t...@ Joe G: Admit it, you totally thought GTP#5 was the real one, huh? :P<br /><br />And to think I actually did research on common Amish surnames to write that one :PM. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66267325418724621522010-08-11T19:11:50.316-04:002010-08-11T19:11:50.316-04:00A little off topic, but you may want to re-think y...A little off topic, but you may want to re-think your title. I've read at least one book with this title before. It's kind of like `Beauty for Ashes,' a title that you see around. Sorry.Chicorynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86548301808339278992010-08-11T17:38:16.164-04:002010-08-11T17:38:16.164-04:00I have to admit I was surprised by which of the fa...I have to admit I was surprised by which of the fake queries turned out to be the real one...<br /><br />Admit it. You're Tom Robbins and you've decided to take on the YA genre with this animate payphone stuff.Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28276619371362456222010-08-11T09:08:22.956-04:002010-08-11T09:08:22.956-04:00A payphone? *looks to see if there are any around ...A payphone? *looks to see if there are any around anymore. No. Will have to use cell phone again*<br /><br />And, eewww. Think about how MANY germ-y hands have been over Pay Phone Lover during the day. And is he really ever available for a date? I mean, doesn't Dr. Who use a pay phone for long periods of time.<br /><br />Wait! Is this a story about Tardis?Marisa Birnshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17945909737147497606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77539171649216765142010-08-11T08:58:05.732-04:002010-08-11T08:58:05.732-04:00EE, you have surpassed yourself. Truly.EE, you have surpassed yourself. Truly.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29523694487101071512010-08-11T04:54:34.238-04:002010-08-11T04:54:34.238-04:00Is he an Obama Pay Phone? He can't take real c...Is he an Obama Pay Phone? He can't take real change?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2002533240994729622010-08-11T04:25:33.802-04:002010-08-11T04:25:33.802-04:00^ Lol :D
Wanita, when I read your query I wasn...^ Lol :D<br /><br />Wanita, when I read your query I wasn't convinced by the Night Council forcing all Shadows keep their race secret (that is the point of the no-close-relationships rule, I take it?). Why are the Shadows in hiding? If they're immortal then there's not much to fear from humans knowing about them. <br /><br />Sometimes it seems as if the "secret race who must never be known of by humans" gimmick is just used to add some tension. Not saying that's the case in your story, just that it's a widely-used theme and you should take care to justify it. It's been done so many times (Twilight being an obvious example in recent times, I suppose, and the vampire theme in general is fond of that concept) that it can end up a bit yawn.<br /><br />That said, I still want to know about the occlusion of a payphone. I have to go to work shortly, and I can't see it going well while I'm thinking about this.Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21436556067529685792010-08-11T00:03:33.954-04:002010-08-11T00:03:33.954-04:00I've gotta ask: When he finally popped the que...I've gotta ask: When he finally popped the question, DID HE GIVE HER A RING?St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74203270704668253182010-08-10T23:46:26.803-04:002010-08-10T23:46:26.803-04:00Sounds like he was hung up on her.
Ya think they&...Sounds like he was hung up on her.<br /><br />Ya think they'll be engaged??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91209950933111153892010-08-10T22:18:23.643-04:002010-08-10T22:18:23.643-04:00It sounds like a story that was initially intended...It sounds like a story that was initially intended to be about vampires (dark name, immortal, not supposed to have human emotion and can't go out in daylight). Spending all day in a coffin has been replaced by being a payphone, but that doesn't really have any impact (according to the query). It's still just a reason why he can't go out in daylight hours, however quirky a reason it might be. If his payphone lifestyle does have an impact on the story, that'd be something to mention.Polenthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14029549865473069051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-67516902219565591002010-08-10T19:10:33.144-04:002010-08-10T19:10:33.144-04:00I laughed all the way through this, and it wasn...I laughed all the way through this, and it wasn't just from EE's hilarious comments. <br /><br />And that's not the reaction you want to your story.<br /><br />Seriously, A PAY PHONE?! Is he literally a pay phone, or did you attempt a metaphor or something there? PLEASE clear this up, it's killing me!Rebecca Christiansenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03635706076314669496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28974543542465254722010-08-10T19:06:02.679-04:002010-08-10T19:06:02.679-04:00Clearly payphones are the new vampires! But does y...Clearly payphones are the new vampires! But does your payphone sparkle in the sunlight and have a moody operator voice? Just dial 143.<br /><br />Seriously, this was the funniest FL of all I've read ^_^ I laughed often and loud, especially over the picture, hahahha :)<br /><br />As for the "occlusion of a payphone" line, it seems that refers to him literally being assigned to be the shadow that a payphone casts, almost like it was his home in daylight. It's a strange concept. You'd think they'd just have to hide within the shadow of anything to survive. But no.<br /><br />52,000 words seems awfully short. I keep thinking that authors are writing short novels and then trying to pass them off as YA because the word-count ended up low. Because this sounds nothing like YA.<br /><br />Why do I get the feeling that the book is going to end with him deciding to be his lover's shadow for the rest of her life >_> Talk about a stalker.<br /><br />My question is why he's suddenly hooked on this girl? What's special about her? There has to be something. You write him as having these purely physical relationships. I don't see any motivation on offer for a change of that mindset in his life. This is something that can be very carefully and subtly laid down, and you could do it with his old flame pretty easily.M. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38255165850693545072010-08-10T18:58:22.762-04:002010-08-10T18:58:22.762-04:00Wanita: The reaction of the minions is telling. If...Wanita: The reaction of the minions is telling. If an agent has offered on this, please, PLEASE do your due diligence and make sure it's a REPUTABLE agent. Check out Writer Beware, Preditors and Editors, Absolute Write... Or google "agent fees writing scam" and follow the links to be crystal clear about what you're getting yourself into/gotten yourself into. If they're legit, then congratulations, and best of luck in getting it placed!<br /><br />An agent will generally write the pitch to the publishers themself or will coach you along in how to write an improved one. <br /><br />EE: The commentary for this is a candidate for the year's top 5 for sure! My stomach still hurts from laughing.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2249533725020347962010-08-10T17:59:28.902-04:002010-08-10T17:59:28.902-04:00Ummm. I'm not buying for a second that this wa...Ummm. I'm not buying for a second that this was picked up by a reputable agent. The query is flat out a mess. The manuscript just can't be that much better. It sounds like the author didn't get the reaction from EE that she wanted and so is now claiming she doesn't need our comments/help.<br /><br />As for the next step if the author DID have an agent, said agent would likely prepare a "Pitch Letter" which would be submitted to publishing houses. If you think you need a great pitch in your query to snag an agent, imagine how much better it must be to snag a publishing house to actually shell out money in this economy to a first-time novelist.<br /><br />Hint: It would need to be 1,000 times better than this.<br /><br />Take EEs advice and go back to the drawing board.not normally occludednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20071259850006426082010-08-10T17:14:48.397-04:002010-08-10T17:14:48.397-04:00Hey EE, did you know that
http://www.jacketflap....Hey EE, did you know that <br /><br />http://www.jacketflap.com/megablog/index.asp?postid=600177<br /><br />reprinted this blog post? <br /><br />I was googling "occlusion of a payphone" and the site popped up. <br /><br />Back to the query - I wish there were more details. But I give it full marks for a unique spin.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12237518808756712176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29936927706954936312010-08-10T15:54:53.170-04:002010-08-10T15:54:53.170-04:00"Perhaps a less obsolete inanimate object is ..."Perhaps a less obsolete inanimate object is in order."<br /><br />Maybe that's why he's looking for a date, because the work has dried up. Times are hard for us all right now...have a heart.<br /><br />vkw - I thought the unemployed nightcrawler payphone was the unique twist? That, I think, is probably a valid claim.Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40525004796455091752010-08-10T14:50:33.570-04:002010-08-10T14:50:33.570-04:00I hate to state the obvious but:
A pay phone?
Pe...I hate to state the obvious but:<br /><br />A pay phone?<br /><br />People have cell phones, so pay phones are increasingly difficult to locate. Is Shadow in peril because the phone company may deactivate him and send him to a landfill?<br /><br />Perhaps a less obsolete inanimate object is in order.lora96https://www.blogger.com/profile/08171062741089674769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-22525489510237321482010-08-10T14:47:38.274-04:002010-08-10T14:47:38.274-04:00What's blocking the payphone? Wha...?
Just wa...What's blocking the payphone? Wha...?<br /><br />Just want to add my voice to the general clamour for explanation. :)Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14525092208991374082010-08-10T14:26:17.887-04:002010-08-10T14:26:17.887-04:00If its been picked up by an agent already, does th...If its been picked up by an agent already, does the query need to be rewritten. I thought the purpose of a query was to get an agent or a publisher. Maybe just a publisher?<br /><br />Anyway, no Shadow of Doubt this story just seems . . . well silly. <br /><br />I don't think it sounds all that different from other plots. A vagabond man, hiding something forbidden and a bit sinister, with many lovers, falls in love with someone he is forbidden to love, he reveals his true identity resulting in danger for him and her and there we have the plot.<br /><br />The only difference is the mysterious man is a payphone during the day and human at night.<br /><br />Then there is this sentence:<br /><br />The storyline has a unique twist that goes beyond the traditional fantasy, with pure love that can conquer anything in and beyond this world.<br /><br />I think many authors of fantasy novels and paranormal novels would highly disagree that there story lines do not involve "pure love". Wasn't that what saved Harry Potter over and over again the pure love his mother that sacrificed her life to save him as a child and thus he gained super powers to destroy super evil. Isn't this the subplot of those vampire novels: vampire falls for woman, forbidden love ensues and all sorts of disasterours results happen. Didn't Frakenstein fall in love with heroine - feeling pure love, which calmed his emotional beast within but he got killed anyway?<br /><br />I'm not sure that plot is so unqiue.<br /><br />(And I could be just a tad bit predjudicial because I do not like broad statements like that sentence. It's a bit grand.)<br /><br /><br />We need to know what a Shadow is and why are they important. And, your heroine, what's up with her? I mean, I get kind of suspicious when great women fall for things like shadows, vampires, werewolves and demons while ignoring the perfectly great millionaire down the block. Just think of it, if she's so great and special, that a Shadow falls in love and begins to question his very existence and purpose, why would she go out with a payphone and not her law-student buddy with the great biceps? <br /><br /><br />"I need to tell you I am a shadow that hides as a payphone during the day and have loveless relationships with women at night."<br /><br />ME: "You have sex with random women, is that what you are saying?"<br /><br />"Yes and I have stalker, who wants to kill me and you."<br /><br />ME: "you're a payphone during the day?"<br /><br />"Yes"<br /><br />ME: "Sicko. I'm out of here and you and your ex-sicko girlfriend can go your own way. I going out with Billy down the street at least he has potential and won't be carrier for every STD ever diagnosed and he has a car and dating him won't get me killed. See I am special and I recognize that and I can do sooooo much better than you. However, if you become mortal and get rid of the ex and develop some potential - give me a call. OH and I'll a need medical clearance as well."vkwnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28503720283936992202010-08-10T14:25:02.758-04:002010-08-10T14:25:02.758-04:00EE, that was one of your best. This adds an entir...EE, that was one of your best. This adds an entirely new dimension to phone sex, doesn't it? :)<br /><br />But I'm also wondering what possibly makes this a YA. Your main character is an immortal, and his love interest is in law school, which means she's at a minimum 22--that's way beyond YA territory. <br /><br />I'm also curious as to why you're working on a query letter if you're agented.Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49876486786052826112010-08-10T14:09:40.996-04:002010-08-10T14:09:40.996-04:00...I assumed "occlusion of a payphone" w......I assumed "occlusion of a payphone" was an attempt to say "the shadow cast by a payphone" without actually saying "shadow" again.<br /><br />This is crazy. <i>Just crazy enough to work.</i> God bless you, author of a girl-meets-payphone love story. You really raised the bar.150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52563667261284614472010-08-10T12:58:46.013-04:002010-08-10T12:58:46.013-04:00OMG, this made me laugh so hard I look CHEERFUL at...OMG, this made me laugh so hard I look CHEERFUL at my job! Everyone else has started smiling too, apparently from the fallout of my snerkling. Please, PLEASE tell us what "the occlusion of a payphone" is!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com