tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8978240886912544098..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 759Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-73116335473559844852010-04-22T21:38:23.271-04:002010-04-22T21:38:23.271-04:00(Query Poster again)
Thanks everyone for your hel...(Query Poster again)<br /><br />Thanks everyone for your help-- and Joe G, thanks especially for describing the trope so succinctly. That's exactly what I'm trying to do, and I'm glad that came through.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28846445219133846982010-04-22T19:43:49.126-04:002010-04-22T19:43:49.126-04:00Marley, Melissa, Marsha, Marla... I wonder why so ...Marley, Melissa, Marsha, Marla... I wonder why so many GTP submitters all hit on names beginning with M.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08275660457464516401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81726410925306358172010-04-22T01:04:49.104-04:002010-04-22T01:04:49.104-04:00Technically, don't you have to be dead before ...<i>Technically, don't you have to be dead before you can be a zombie?</i><br /><br />Technically, no. In the Voodoo religion/cult, wherein, I think, zombies originated, the soul can be removed from a living person turning them into a zombie.<br /><br /><br />Apparently.rilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06988777482435230194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78096038282610718392010-04-22T00:47:42.137-04:002010-04-22T00:47:42.137-04:00If it's meant to be a comedy, I think it's...If it's meant to be a comedy, I think it's a funny premise with evident opportunity for humor.<br /><br />If it's meant to be a paranormal thriller/romance, paranormals are vogue (although I'm not sure teenaged girls are particularly moved by zombies). I think the zombie element is meant to elevate the story from being a typical "Man on the run fakes death and goes into hiding but ends up getting new people he cares about in trouble so must go back and confront his past" story. Sort of like how vampires elevate Twilight from being a boring story about a whiny teenaged girl who has the same repetitive conversations with her boring boyfriend to a story about...<br /><br />...<br /><br />...Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30854446084051132732010-04-21T22:51:54.081-04:002010-04-21T22:51:54.081-04:00They're zombies.They're zombies.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15560489680818570742010-04-21T22:31:58.499-04:002010-04-21T22:31:58.499-04:00No, there are plenty of stories beyond mine. I was...No, there are plenty of stories beyond mine. I was being nostalgic, remembering stuff and all that. <br /><br />The unsaid advice is that if selling drugs out of a pizza joint 100 feet from a Church and grade school is has happened, perhaps zombies in their current exposure and raising the dead, are a touch ordinary too. The story sounds good and might be a great read but the query doesn't sound special. <br /><br />What is is about these characters or their predicament that make them special?Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40053494700994975992010-04-21T21:35:41.963-04:002010-04-21T21:35:41.963-04:00There's no scenario you could propose that Dav...There's no scenario you could propose that Dave F. hasn't seen something better :p "Your story about an intergalactic dynasty is lame. The intergalactic dynasty I grew up down the street from..."Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47148551495182253722010-04-21T20:33:14.542-04:002010-04-21T20:33:14.542-04:00Is this a twilight spoof? I always thought they wo...Is this a twilight spoof? I always thought they would do it with mummies but zombies is just as good.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2217280914090456572010-04-21T18:30:43.699-04:002010-04-21T18:30:43.699-04:00Pizza parlor with checkered past.
Something y...Pizza parlor with checkered past. <br /><br />Something y'all might consider. About 15/20 years ago, about 1 mile from where I worked was a Catholic Church and Grade School. On one side was the playground and beyond that a large discount appliance store. On the other side (about 50 feet down the road) was run down brick building about the size of a large garage (12 by 20 or so) and someone shoved pizza ovens and a sales counter about the size of two phone booths. Apparently, they served great pizza because they did banner business. Lots of deliveries, lots of takeouts. They even sold by the slice if you could find a way to fit inside the door. It had no tables or chairs and was claustrophobic's delight. Well, then the Allegheny County police figured out why -- they were selling drugs with the pizza. It was speculated that "All the works" had nose candy and "extra cheese and sausage" meant heroin. <br /><br />This "endeavor" so outraged the State Legislature that they passed laws increasing the penalties for selling drugs near schools. Rightly so. <br /><br />A zombie in a pizza place -- tame.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79254214572657505802010-04-21T15:04:16.091-04:002010-04-21T15:04:16.091-04:00Like enewmeyer on the first read through I also th...Like enewmeyer on the first read through I also thought that Lisa was the cousin and the pizza parlor was the family business. I had to go back and read again because it totally confused me.<br /><br />This sounds like something I would pick up in the store and maybe browse the first few pages. I'm a sucker for paranormal humor. <br /><br />I do think that you need to invest the query with some of the irreverence of the genre. The book sounds like it's supposed to be funny but there's no humor in the pitch.<br /><br />Also, what kind of zombies are we talking about here? I imagine a rotting revenant dropping body parts into the pizza wouldn't go over well at the local college hangout.<br /><br />Personally I think it would be hilarious if , a la <i>Death Becomes Her</i>, the protagonist gets in all sorts of hijinks trying to cover up the fact that he's a rotting corpse working the "graveyard" shift at the friendly neighborhood pizza parlor.Ashley Girardihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13594552975218426095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41888106099320440622010-04-21T14:54:01.742-04:002010-04-21T14:54:01.742-04:00I'm not sure what to do with this query; the i...I'm not sure what to do with this query; the idea of the undead serving pizza is still shaking my preconceived notions of zombiehood. So here's my go at your info paragraphs:<br /><br />My humorous paranormal romance, Zombies in Love, is complete at 68,000 words. [You could put this at the bottom with the other stuff.]<br /><br />[Unless you've got a very good explanation of how being a PhD in History helps when the grad students in your novel were probably in Biology, leave out everything about your college.] I edited and co-wrote _________________[If this is fiction, OK. If it's academic, strike it]. Under my fiction-writing pen name, ______________, I have published several short stories such as "_____________," and the novella_____________, available as an e-book from Drollerie Press._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37741773877406931402010-04-21T14:31:28.611-04:002010-04-21T14:31:28.611-04:00EE's comments fixed and this is a winner. I wo...EE's comments fixed and this is a winner. I would be careful using a real university as the villian. I mean, it's not like they're the Vatican!Stephen Prosapiohttp://www.prosapio.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51897414368019916412010-04-21T14:22:44.288-04:002010-04-21T14:22:44.288-04:00Why does he have to go work at a pizza parlor?
Yo...Why does he have to go work at a pizza parlor?<br /><br />You had my interest in the first paragraph and you lost me when you switched over to Lisa (which is when your query starts veering off into different directions...). I would stick with Jack and talk about Lisa from his point of view because I was immediately sympathetic to his situation.<br /><br />I get that the gangster cousin probably comes back, and the university is just another villain to be contended with, but you could probably stand to bring the gangster cousin up again since you mention him up top.<br /><br />Either way take EE's advice and sharpen up the writing. You might want to take a look at your manuscript and see where there are similar awkward sentences. An agent is probably going to assume your query letter looks a lot like your book.<br /><br />Also the stuff about academics confused me. Are you trying to imply there are literary aspects to your zombie romance novel?<br /><br />Last, is he a zombie in the traditional sense? Because if he can "infect" people but he's still good looking, charming (I'm assuming he can say more than "Braaaaains"), and fully ambulatory, we're all going "What kind of undead creature IS he?"<br /><br />I think it sounds like a clever and funny plot though! Good luck!Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21261169075275018622010-04-21T12:51:39.325-04:002010-04-21T12:51:39.325-04:00Nothing to add except that #4 made me laugh out lo...Nothing to add except that #4 made me laugh out loud.Erichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09440250912113010049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28410141527441377442010-04-21T11:37:56.417-04:002010-04-21T11:37:56.417-04:00"Now that he's a zombie, Jack has two sim..."Now that he's a zombie, Jack has two simple goals: to hold on to his new job at Lisa Alioto's pizza parlor, and to keep his murderous cousin from realizing that he's not entirely deceased. But that's before he realizes that Lisa's delicious body . . . "<br /><br />The placement of the mention of the cousin and Lisa's delicious body led me to believe that Lisa was the cousin which takes the story in a whole new direction. Drop the mention of the cousin unless he/she is vital to the storyline. Good luck with your edits!Elizabeth Janettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09126364534598960883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36355132883112116702010-04-21T10:55:20.318-04:002010-04-21T10:55:20.318-04:00They're all yours. Feel free to use or improve...They're all yours. Feel free to use or improve them.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86884949666780689602010-04-21T10:39:44.771-04:002010-04-21T10:39:44.771-04:00This is the query author-- thank you very much! (...This is the query author-- thank you very much! (And thanks for the fine illustration!) May I use your exact phrasings for the sentences about Jack and Lisa-- they are so much better than the way I had them.<br /><br />Love the joke about the slush fund-- if this never gets published, you'll know why!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com