tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8974466876309754087..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1109Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59581726632931489422013-03-14T10:38:20.230-04:002013-03-14T10:38:20.230-04:00(This is the Author). Love the feedback. This is...(This is the Author). Love the feedback. This is my first time doing queries and it has gone through the wash several times already. This version was specifically for an agent who wanted a query in 250 or less, so yeah, it killed me to leave out most of the details.<br /><br />The original title was going to be "The Cres Dak'mal" which translates into Hands of Death. Those are the ten evil spirits who turn men into demons and who are in conflict with Whitney. Whitney is the "leader" because she's the only one who can live long enough to carry on the constantly reoccurring battle, because the spirits can't die.Alan Beardsleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-22018783591676824752013-03-13T09:00:56.296-04:002013-03-13T09:00:56.296-04:00Sounds fun, would like to know more about 18th and...Sounds fun, would like to know more about 18th and 19th century Canada. Like the idea of the Biblical end of the world, although unsure exactly what that is. Also would like more clarification on what "demon" is, as it can be various shades of stuff. <br /><br />Repectfully disagree with: everything happens for a purpose concept, unless the purpose is to be an interesting challenge (e.g. bad stuff happens to everyone, but it's how you deal with it)<br /><br />Neat idea!Patricia Bennett Fine Art Painterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08508139126459157433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39046201604539501612013-03-12T22:06:34.139-04:002013-03-12T22:06:34.139-04:00Holy crap I know who wrote this storyHoly crap I know who wrote this storyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29054965137573138712013-03-12T19:37:10.099-04:002013-03-12T19:37:10.099-04:00You've got a three-sentence summary of your pl...You've got a three-sentence summary of your plot. Which is fine. I queried my present agent with a three-sentence summary.<br /><br />Here's what's not fine. Two of those sentences begin with "During." Your character "experiences" something twice, "is challenged with" (not by?) something once and "challenges" something once, all in the course of the three sentences. <br /><br />The resultant voice reminds me a little bit of a job application letter, and a lot of the kind of report a teacher writes when she's documenting a child's behavior problems. It does not remind me at all of a YA novel.<br /><br />Since Brigham Young is a biggish school, I'm guessing enough people entered this contest that a voice like this would've been knocked right out of the running. So I suggest rewriting the query in a voice more like the one you use for fiction.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6532080906725629412013-03-12T13:12:13.921-04:002013-03-12T13:12:13.921-04:00What's Whitney's superpower? Longevity? Ho...What's Whitney's superpower? Longevity? How does that help her become leader of the demon-hunting league?<br />How old is she supposed to be? Does she time-travel or does she simply live in these (18th and 19th century) periods? <br />How did she escape a 'life' sentence? If she never ages it seems she'd be rotting away in prison right now. <br />What are super pirates?<br />Is this a period piece, or does it move into present day?<br />What does she learn about life?<br />Who/what are the 10 Hands?<br /><br />Right now this is how your story reads: Girl who can't age does stuff to fight demons. There's a religious message. It probably happens a hundred years ago (maybe more).<br /><br />Does the end of the world happen in this story--or book 3? If the latter, cut it. Say: 'This book could stand alone, or be part of a trilogy' and leave it at that. Save the words for your plot summary.<br /><br />Get specific. Tell us about the heroic, non-aging, super, demon- hunting leader you created. She's probably got a lot of great things going for her. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18159799725109784001noreply@blogger.com