tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8793015836548258549..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1284Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69931596877122526112015-11-03T22:16:29.963-05:002015-11-03T22:16:29.963-05:00Yes, lose the first sentence. It's needlessly ...Yes, lose the first sentence. It's needlessly clever and flippant when hell's army is about to invade earth.<br /><br />For that matter, much of this seems awfully understated. "I told you to keep that atom bomb away from the cat -- especially now, when she's prepared to wipe out humanity." "I'll never give you the power to unleash Armageddon, thus extinguishing humankind -- I promised Dad I wouldn't!"<br /><br />Satan's minion is preparing to turn the earth over to demons here. Darken your tone and widen your scope. Scare me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7181688312425136632015-11-03T18:12:58.288-05:002015-11-03T18:12:58.288-05:00Congratulations, your query does sound like a cove...Congratulations, your query does sound like a cover blurb. Unfortunately, the agent/editor doesn't have a publisher's guarantee there's probably something interesting in the pages after the initial situation. More plot direction please.<br /><br />With only this to work with, I'm wondering if chapter one is father dying, chapter two is mother dating, chapter three is mother's marriage, chapter four is learning the stepdad is creepy, chapter five is the stepdad finding out about the medallion, chapter six is him asking for it, chapter seven is her saying no.... you get the picture.<br /><br />If rescuing the friend is the main plot, focus on that. Tell us a few of the obstacles involved and how Ciri overcomes them, or plans to.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36907685097637873902015-11-03T15:47:29.329-05:002015-11-03T15:47:29.329-05:00When there's so little information about the s...When there's so little information about the story in your query that EE needs to make up a detail to fill out a three sentence summary, that's a problem.<br /><br />Unless you're specifically querying an agent or editor who you know adores log lines, dump the first sentence. Most editors and agents I've seen reviewing queries don't seem to like them.<br /><br />Split the first sentence into at least two. Start with the promise to Dad on his deathbed, a general promise to keep the medallion safe, unless Dad knew about the guy who becomes Ciri's stepfather and was specifically warning her about him. (Though that would raise the question of why Dad didn't warn Mom to stay away from this guys and definitely not marry him.) Then address the specific problem of the stepdad who wants to bring about Armageddon for some reason in the next sentence.<br /><br />So now Ciri needs to figure out a way to rescue her best friend without giving her evil stepdad the key to Hell. What resources or skills does she have that might enable her to do this? Is anyone helping her? Does Evil Stepdad have any skills or allies that will make things harder for Ciri? Has he threatened to kill her friend if Ciri doesn't cooperate? Is there a time limit before he does? What plan does Ciri decide to try? Why might it succeed? Why might it fail? What happens in each scenario?<br /><br />An editor or agent is going to need to know whether most of your story is about Ciri enlisting the help of angels, fighting demons stuck on Earth, or trying to convince her mom to get an annulment. The idea has potential, but the query leaves too much to the reader's imagination.<br /><br />Comps usually suggest what other successful books the audience for your book is already reading and buying. Just saying that your story is a mashup of (x) and (y) can make it seem like your book isn't particularly original.<br /><br />Beyond previous publishing credits and major writing awards, you don't need to share credentials.<br /><br />InkAndPixelClubhttp://laidesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.com