tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8696528446455693878..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 338Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78985269090855306632007-05-24T18:09:00.000-04:002007-05-24T18:09:00.000-04:00I'd be happy to let you read the first few chapter...I'd be happy to let you read the first few chapters.<BR/><BR/>ArjayAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54332334547017712007-05-24T12:16:00.000-04:002007-05-24T12:16:00.000-04:00GTP 6 I love it!GTP 6 I love it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-87207161757155340902007-05-24T01:26:00.000-04:002007-05-24T01:26:00.000-04:00Author, you lost me at the unnecessary comma in th...Author, you lost me at the unnecessary comma in the line, "Thirteen-year-old American twins Jillian and Everett Lewis, are kidnapped..."<BR/><BR/>This sounds like it has the potential to be fun, but so much is described in vague generalities that it gives the impression of not being well thought out (which may not be the case for the novel itself). For example, no mention is ever given of <I>why</I> these kids were kidnapped, or if that is one of the mysteries they're trying to solve.<BR/><BR/><I>THE SECRET OF HARWORTH CASTLE explores the twin's relationship by exposing their individual weaknesses</I><BR/><BR/>If you're going to bring this up in the query at all, I think you need to say what those weaknesses are. It's like saying, "My protagonists have character traits." Hopefully that's a given. But what are they?AmyBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02636921840451091870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61297530786513541822007-05-23T18:54:00.000-04:002007-05-23T18:54:00.000-04:00In revising the query (and I agree, the idea does ...In revising the query (and I agree, the idea does sound like fun), you might want to think about getting rid of all the generalities and vague value judgments. Be specific. HOW were they clever? WHAT were the secrets? WHY were they kidnapped?<BR/><BR/>Editors (and agents) actively hate to be told how to react to anything they read. Your job is to SHOW them what you can do, and let them decide for themselves if you're clever or witty or sprightly or anything else you may be tempted to tell them you are.<BR/><BR/>Your query should reflect the voice of the book. It's even more important for children's writing than for adult fiction, because voice is so crucial in that genre. If your query is full of passives and generalities and slippage into lecture mode, the editor or agent may conclude that your book reads the same way. You want your query to be as sprightly/clever/whatever as your story.<BR/><BR/>Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4758025862925174742007-05-23T12:50:00.000-04:002007-05-23T12:50:00.000-04:00I could even read this book myself. However, there...I could even read this book myself. However, there's one thing, right at the beginning, that I simply don't understand, and it affects the credibility of the book. (Or am I just missing something?)<BR/><BR/>You say the characters must kidnap the kids and get rid of them. Umm, why not just kill them? Why all the secret castle spooky stuff? You should have a compelling reason why the kids must be left alive, and you need to tell us what it is.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7512351711019608302007-05-23T10:08:00.000-04:002007-05-23T10:08:00.000-04:00This sounds like a fun read to me. My girls would ...This sounds like a fun read to me. My girls would have lapped this up.<BR/><BR/>Cardigan Bay is a beautiful area. Great place for your castle. The Gower area coastline, Oxwich Bay, and the views from the town of Mumbles are also really beautiful areas.<BR/><BR/>EE, pretty good one with the longest village name in the world. Pronouncing it is a real bitch, though, isn't it?Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18580330750657859392007-05-23T06:34:00.000-04:002007-05-23T06:34:00.000-04:00Okay, I haven't read "Chasing Vermeer" yet, but it...Okay, I haven't read "Chasing Vermeer" yet, but it's on my list (as I'm also writing MGs about art).<BR/>Anyway, part of the jacket copy says:<BR/>...Before they know it, the two find themselves at the center of an international art scandal, where no-one-neighbors, parents, teachers-is spared from suspicion. As Petra and Calder are drawn clue by clue into a mysterious labrynth, they must draw on their powers of intuition, their problem-solving skills, and their knowledge of Vermeer....<BR/><BR/>If your book is similar in that the characters are solving mysteries, etc., it could really be fun!<BR/><BR/>Good luck!<BR/><BR/>Cheers,Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27481101467781555212007-05-23T06:15:00.000-04:002007-05-23T06:15:00.000-04:00Now pronounce it, EE :).Now pronounce it, EE :).nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-73919185056312549902007-05-23T00:44:00.000-04:002007-05-23T00:44:00.000-04:00I agree that this sounds like it could be a fun ro...I agree that this sounds like it could be a fun romp, but I'm a little stuck on the premise. While I enjoy a somewhat rambling/random romp (see DaVinci Code), it helps if the underlying/opening situation is clear.<BR/><BR/>Why are these twins kidnapped? What is the role of the mysterious person besides to help the kids get past insurmountable plot obstacles (such as being locked in a dungeon cell)? Who are the kidnappers and what is their motivation, besides being there to put the kids into the castle and then chase them around a bit?<BR/><BR/>As EE says, if the kids are truly witty and clever in their solutions, this could be very fun for middle grade kids. But if the "mysterious person" mysteriously helps them along the way (like unbolting their cell), then the reader will feel cheated.<BR/><BR/>Final note: I don't think this sentence maps out the way you intended: <I>To counterbalance their dark confines, THE SECRET OF HARWORTH CASTLE explores the twin's relationship...</I><BR/><BR/>How does the book exploring their relationship counterbalance their dark confines? Are they reading the book as they're living the adventure? Ooh, now <I>that</I> would be a mind bender.<BR/><BR/>(And a shout-out to the author of GTP #1: I really want to read that to my 10-year-old and 8-year-old! I was hoping the real plot was that one.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60423717613116446422007-05-22T23:27:00.000-04:002007-05-22T23:27:00.000-04:00This reminds me of those old 1950's style ghost st...This reminds me of those old 1950's style ghost stories where the haunted house was more of a character than the people inside it. And these stories died when Roger Corman quit paying for them. <BR/><BR/> Even the fairly well written GHOST STORY with Fred Astaire had a very personal twist as the ghost. And "The Lady in White" has a kid in peril and he is the one who learns the secret behind the ghost and the molester, not the house or the school. <BR/><BR/>We need to care about Jillian and Everett. That's what your query should focus on. Their adventure, their peril, their angst is your story - - not the quirkiness of the house or castle.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72308310584181959232007-05-22T23:08:00.000-04:002007-05-22T23:08:00.000-04:00What EE said. Plus, is there anything about the ca...What EE said. Plus, is there anything about the castle that isn't secret? A secret haven, a secret escape route, the Celtic cross secret, plus more unnamed secrets, including why the kids are there in the first place. Just who are these things secret from? And what good is knowing these secrets? OK, I'll give you the secret escape route (even though I'm thinking if it's secret, how would they know to look for it -- or are they just super-lucky kids finding out all these secrets?). But if I'm running for my life and stumble upon, say, a secret decoder ring, unless the code is to the lock on the front door, what good does my discovery do? <BR/><BR/>Maybe giving up a secret or two to the agent/editor would help showcase how ingenious your story is (which I hope, indeed, it is) and help them understand if this is more of a mystery or a thriller or horror story for the MG crowd. Is it Spy Kids meets Scooby Doo or Spy Kids meets Hell House? You call it a fantasy, but I missed seeing anything that I would consider fantasy in the query (unless the kidnappers really are animals, but that's neither clear nor upper middle grade).<BR/><BR/>A big plus would be to get some of your voice into this query. Because, frankly, if this is how your story is written, no kid's going to sit still very long to read it. Remember, this is the only chance you get to wow an agent/editor with how well you know your market and how well you can write for it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16935878909128593792007-05-22T22:05:00.000-04:002007-05-22T22:05:00.000-04:00You might want to mention whatever non-video game ...You might want to mention whatever non-video game type qualities the book has, or maybe pitch it to Nintendo.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com