tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8676219848796519352..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Synopsis 43Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62393119491995884882015-06-17T18:00:27.685-04:002015-06-17T18:00:27.685-04:00Holy crap. Thank you for this. I've been wonde...Holy crap. Thank you for this. I've been wondering who she was. Never heard of three of them, but the Q&A section of one of them clearly gives it away. The wit is too familiar. It's like an impacted tooth has been pulled.<br /><br />FredAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47984636032831177892015-03-31T19:59:51.984-04:002015-03-31T19:59:51.984-04:00One useful editing pass to do would be to check th...One useful editing pass to do would be to check the verbs you are using for your protagonist. Is she enough of an agent in her own story? I would reword where she is not. I'd also try to tie any apparently extraneous elements, such as the atrocious parents, to Eva's character arc so that is clear as well as the plot.<br /><br />she acts:<br />vows<br />convinces<br />confronts<br />approaches (try: demands to know, questions)<br />prevents (try more specificity?)<br />implores (requests?)<br />suspecting<br />races<br />fights<br />saves<br /><br />she is acted upon:<br />fears (try: is determined not to)<br />scorned<br />is moved by<br />drawn to<br />falls in love (try: initiates a love affair/starts sending him passionate letters)<br />realizes (well, perhaps that one is doubtful)<br />losing consciousness<br /><br /><br />Sixteen-year-old EVA VON HIRSCHBURG is determined to show she's not like her parents, who died committing atrocities at her family’s forbidding castle. When LADY AGATHE is killed at a nearby abbey, leaving behind a newborn baby, Eva vows to be a force for justice and find the murderer herself. <br /><br />Eva's investigation is complicated by an unexpected suitor, the charismatic LORD FRIDERICH. Because marriage could be a way to escape her oppressive relatives, Eva flirts with the rebellious young lord at every opportunity, letting several chances to investigate slip by.<br /><br />But when a potential witness to Agathe's murder is stabbed to death, Eva steps up and confronts her prime suspect, the cold and arrogant BROTHER KARL. She must revise her reconstruction of the crime, however, when Karl reveals that Agathe was his sister and she was having an affair with someone in Friderich’s household. <br /><br />When Eva questions Friderich, he begs her to relinquish her obsession with Agathe before she becomes another victim. She won't. After Eva prevents Friderich's friend, RAGENARD, from raping a serving girl, she insists Friderich bring his friend to trial for the murder.<br /><br />Then Ragenard is found dead. Realizing that Friderich was Agathe’s lover, Eva figures out that Ragenard killed Agathe under Friderich's orders, then attempted to blackmail him. Suspecting that Friderich intends to kill the baby, Eva races to the abbey where Friderich ambushes her. As they struggle, Brother Karl intervenes. As Friderich tries to throw Karl from a window, Eva saves the monk, but Friderich falls to his death.Tknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6640501827145870842015-03-31T13:01:22.640-04:002015-03-31T13:01:22.640-04:00I like the part about the forbidding castle and th...I like the part about the forbidding castle and the atrocities of the parents. Overcoming the prejudice of the public regarding these two items should play into the query, indeed the plot, if you bring them up first. <br />Also, is there a lot of animosity between the forbidding castle inhabitants and those of the nearby abbey?<br />What I’m hinting at is I don’t see a lot of conflict in the query, thus little to overcome. Death and confusion certainly, but not conflict.PLaFnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1821454770409362042015-03-30T12:44:37.443-04:002015-03-30T12:44:37.443-04:00250 words is tough, so you need to make sure every...250 words is tough, so you need to make sure every word is earning its keep. Anything that's not essential to telling the basics of the story. or punching up the excitement and interest level can go.<br /><br />I'd try paring it down to the absolute basics. Eva is trying to solve the mystery of the murdered woman in the abbey. It means putting her dream of marrying her charismatic new suitor and exacting her family's forbidding castle, but she can't let the murder go unsolved because (x). Eva discovers (y) which points to Brother Karl as the killer. She then learns that Brother Karl was the dead woman's sister and (and other evidence that clears Brother Karl, as being related to someone is not exonerating evidence by himself.) Her interrogation of Brother Karl also reveals that the dead woman was having an affair with someone in Eva's suitor's household. Eva stops her suitor's friend from raping a serving girl. This and (other evidence) lead Eva to believe that he is the killer. The friend turns up dead and Eva realizes that her suitor is behind the murders because (z). Eva attempts to flee to the abbey for protection, is ambushed by her suitor, and rescued by former suspect Brother Karl.<br /><br />Mom and Dad's undisclosed sins and Brother Clement can go. I'm wondering if you even need the baby in the short synopsis. Eva could just as easily be running to the abbey to tell the monks what she's found out or get out of the house before Friderich finds out what she knows. Right now, it's mostly just raising questions about why the baby is still alive.<br /><br />InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69174783111059583202015-03-30T11:30:30.470-04:002015-03-30T11:30:30.470-04:00"When Ragenard is found dead, Eva realizes Fr..."When Ragenard is found dead, Eva realizes Friderich was the woman’s lover."<br /><br />I was confused about "the woman", since the preceding paragraph was about the attempted rape of a serving girl. I assumed serving girl = the woman. It's actually kind of a problem for me throughout -- the dead woman is referred to as: the first victim, the murdered woman, the woman, and her. Can you give the her a name? Even if it is only something Eva uses? IMHOnoreply@blogger.com