tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8626572237342054704..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 668Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26146687035055192502009-08-28T22:06:31.155-04:002009-08-28T22:06:31.155-04:00The three couples are actually the aliens that cra...<i>The three couples are actually the aliens that crashed in the spaceship, they just don't remember who they are. That's how the brother became mysteriously trapped in the spaceship, he got stuck when they crashed.</i><br /><br />Now that book I'd read.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504439129670380071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83763396922116690102009-08-28T15:29:04.400-04:002009-08-28T15:29:04.400-04:00""Your comments about your love of books...""Your comments about your love of books and the craft of writing in your online interview for _______ really resonated with me." <br /><br />Stop this now. Stop it. <br /><br />You're digging yourself a grave. For this to work you have to be very specific. Here you've tried to painted a broad ambiguous statement and tried to personalize it with fill in the blank format."<br /><br /><br />This is not fill in the blank. I left the specifics out for privacy. I said somewhere here that I am not sending form letters.<br /><br />Thanks again to everybody for the feedback, especially EE's comment to try nine sentences for the plot, how giant is the giant, and<br />look at the summaries in a TV Guide, which is a great suggestion. I'll spend this week reworking the letter.Authornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15469872904679203202009-08-28T12:52:44.070-04:002009-08-28T12:52:44.070-04:00From Nathan Bransford's website:
[protagonist...From Nathan Bransford's website:<br /><br />[protagonist name] is a [description of protagonist] living in [setting]. But when [complicating incident], [protagonist name] must [protagonist's quest] and [verb] [villain] in order to [protagonist's goal].<br /><br />[title] is a [word count] work of [genre]. I am the author of [author's credits (optional)], and this is my first novel.<br /><br />Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.<br /><br />Best wishes,<br />[your name]<br /><br />Obviously you can tinker with this frame, but you can't leave anything out. In both sets of information you posted, you seem to be missing the protagonist's quest and goal. The two ingredients that actually make your story a story. So without hinting at them in some way, you have what appears to be a bunch of stuff happening without a cohesive plot. This might not be the case with your novel, but no one would know that from reading what you've posted.<br /><br />All writers go through this when they're first starting out - getting what's in the head down on the page in a way that makes other people understand what they mean. You've written several things into your synopsis that indicate to me you haven't quite mastered this. For example, "Giant" can mean anywhere from seven feet tall to twenty feet or more. Your story will read differently depending on that piece of information. This may seem to you like a simple oversight, and perhaps it is. But to your reader, it is glaring. And when the glaring oversights add up...well, you get it.<br /><br />Also, I'd leave out the part about being in advertising. I actually chuckled at that as it was so incongruent with what had come in previous paragraphs. Plus it has no bearing on your work.<br /><br />Hope this helps.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13117402393034890962009-08-28T02:31:07.845-04:002009-08-28T02:31:07.845-04:00Hi author, there still isn't a clear plot here...Hi author, there still isn't a clear plot here and this does read like a bland synopsis.<br /><br /><br />I think your query should focus on Toby, Burke, Monroe, and the UFO crash where in which their lives are changed by a galactic fumble. <br /><br />Those are your main characters. The rest you mentioned are all in relation to them. Mentioning Lisa and her husband by name didn't really add to whatever struggle Toby goes through.<br /><br />The query doesn't need to contain <i> a lot of plot details </i>, just the <i><b>main</b></i> ones. The GTP is closer to an accurate plot outlining than your draft letter and query.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14733008826870442742009-08-27T14:15:52.484-04:002009-08-27T14:15:52.484-04:00"I've also read that in the query letter ..."I've also read that in the query letter you should not name the characters, that it is not necessary, and it bogs down the agent. If I put in a lot of plot details, I have to name the characters; otherwise, it is too hard to keep track of what's happening. It also bothers me to repeat things that are in the snyopsis."<br /><br />Bad advice. Seriously. Would you read a book with that sort of description to recommend it?<br /><br />87,000 words. Round to the nearest thousand.<br /><br />Still unsure about the letter of recommendation.<br /><br />You don't need the phrase about the attourney; it isn't attached to the rest of the paragraph. That paragraph was doing fine until you added the sister in; then the sentence structure got weird. After that, you have too many characters doing too many things. Cut it to only Toby, Burke, Kate, and the giant, and try to make it make sense.<br /><br />Buffy's right. If this author wants to do you a favor, ask for a referral._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16361734987459910352009-08-27T13:53:06.763-04:002009-08-27T13:53:06.763-04:00Eh, my first question would be, if famous writer t...Eh, my first question would be, if famous writer thinks it's so wonderful, why didn't they refer it to their agent?nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75523618232108046812009-08-27T12:10:50.384-04:002009-08-27T12:10:50.384-04:00Your new version still doesn't have a plot.Your new version still doesn't have a plot.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39874570756105038452009-08-27T10:37:54.255-04:002009-08-27T10:37:54.255-04:00"Your comments about your love of books and t..."Your comments about your love of books and the craft of writing in your online interview for _______ really resonated with me." <br /><br />Stop this now. Stop it. <br /><br />You're digging yourself a grave. For this to work you have to be very specific. Here you've tried to painted a broad ambiguous statement and tried to personalize it with fill in the blank format. <br /><br />Agents aren't this stupid. They're really not, but make you them think you believe them to be idiots. <br /><br /> I have enclosed an endorsement from award-winning writer _______, who called it a finely wrought page-turner." <br /><br />When you say enclosed it means you intend to attach a letter from the famous author with those exact words. Quotes don't count. <br /><br /> Before author xx said it was wonderful, now it's "Finely wrought page tuner." My BS meter want's to know which is it? It also thinks you're being extremely liberal with your interpretation of a compliment. <br /><br />I repeat. Agents are not this stupid. They're really not.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-43121733350338294762009-08-27T10:19:17.840-04:002009-08-27T10:19:17.840-04:00There's too much information in this version. ...There's too much information in this version. Try telling the story in nine sentences, and focusing on one set of characters. Leave out stuff that makes sense in the book but sounds ridiculous in the query. There are problems with clarity, but perhaps they can be attributed to rushing this version back to the blog.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6403353177755219322009-08-27T10:07:19.090-04:002009-08-27T10:07:19.090-04:00This reads more like a one page synopsis than a qu...This reads more like a one page synopsis than a query letter. A query's main purpose is to get the agent to look at the other materials (sample pages, synopses, manuscript), whether or not they are included. What is needed in the query regarding plot is more like what a tv guide gives as plot info on an episode. Also, regarding names--use names or whatever works best to make the query clearer.<br /><br />Hope that helps,<br />JodiAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82443350265950698272009-08-27T09:50:47.846-04:002009-08-27T09:50:47.846-04:00Intergalactic animal control! Of course! **smacks ...Intergalactic animal control! Of course! **smacks forehead** <br /><br />How fortunate Toby works at a camera shop <i>and</i> has a sister moving into the same place where the alien lives.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39525634174361407712009-08-27T09:46:33.935-04:002009-08-27T09:46:33.935-04:00Now your playing with me...did your writer friend ...Now your playing with me...did your writer friend call it wonderful or a finely wrought page turner? Or both? Or neither? <br /><br />You need to do more research. What you're doing now is shooting yourself in the foot.Mamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04853842158606222286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-57479091402652229772009-08-27T09:21:59.596-04:002009-08-27T09:21:59.596-04:00That's twice this article by Noah Lukeman has ...That's twice this article by Noah Lukeman has been cited in recent weeks. My advice remains: Consult the article when submitting to Noah Lukeman and ignore it otherwise. And since, according to Agentquery.com, Noah Lukeman doesn't accept queries...Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-80057600678244880662009-08-27T08:51:40.264-04:002009-08-27T08:51:40.264-04:00My thanks to everybody who left feedback, both the...My thanks to everybody who left feedback, both the snarky and the unsnarky. I appreciate the time you took and will give all the suggestions serious thought. EE, thanks to you, too, for your comments on the front page... and also, in your evilness, please don't cut this thank-you again.<br /><br />Here's a draft letter with more plot details if anybody wants to look at it. The draft does fit into one page, but it's too long in general, and some of the sentences need to be trimmed. Again, this is not a form letter. <br /><br />My concern: I've read that the plot should be one paragraph only (AgentQuery(dot)com and agent Noah Lukeman's How to Write a Great Query Letter, a free download on Amazon). I've also read that in the query letter you should not name the characters, that it is not necessary, and it bogs down the agent. If I put in a lot of plot details, I have to name the characters; otherwise, it is too hard to keep track of what's happening. It also bothers me to repeat things that are in the snyopsis.<br /><br /><br />Dear Agent:<br /><br />Your comments about your love of books and the craft of writing in your online interview for _______ really resonated with me. I hope you will enjoy my science fiction/fantasy novel, THE ACCIDENT, complete at 87,430 words. I have enclosed an endorsement from award-winning writer _______, who called it a finely wrought page-turner.<br /><br />After an attorney dies at Buchanan House, a Washington, D.C. condominium, student Toby Beckett chases his dog into the woods behind the building and discovers a broken Nikon. When he takes the Nikon to the camera store where he works and looks inside it with night clerk Monroe Broussard, they discover digital photos of a giant woman and a UFO crash in Rock Creek Park. Toby heads to a Union Station coffee bar to show the photos to Burke Kerrigan, a former AP photographer, who just laughs at them, and he falls for Burke’s beautiful sister Kate when she joins their table. Suddenly they spot the giant. Racing into the Metro, they trail her across the city until she reveals herself to be inhuman and disappears inside Buchanan House.<br /><br />Burke argues that the giant is a carnival freak who faked the photos, but when they hike into Rock Creek Park, they find the UFO behind a damaged camouflage force field. After Burke gets trapped inside the saucer, Toby and Kate go for help, but the police don’t believe them. The alien roams the city at night and murders a mugger, a cop and a government worker. Meanwhile, Toby’s sister Lisa Mitchell and her husband Ian, just back from London, are moving into Buchanan House, and Toby, who’s never put himself on the line before, has to warn them, no matter what they'll think. Finally, Monroe Broussard keeps seeing a door in the sky, but doesn’t know how to explain his vision to his fiancée Annie Robinson. She tells him he’s seeing a symbol of the afterlife because he lost his family in a hurricane, but the vision turns out to be a foreshadowing of his fate. While the alien adapts to the city, shape-shifting from a giant woman to a terrifying bird and a pillar in an underground garage, one person solves the mystery of the Nikon in the woods and then stumbles upon the UFO’s purpose: another alien, from intergalactic animal control, is searching for the creature it lost in the crash.<br /><br />As for myself, my background is in advertising. I was born in Washington, D.C. and lived in the area where the novel takes place while I worked for a newspaper. Right now I’m writing a sequel. Thank you for your time, and I hope to hear from you soon.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />AuthorAuthornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-67375909454567446832009-08-27T02:05:07.472-04:002009-08-27T02:05:07.472-04:00When you rewrite, watch out for pronoun problems. ...When you rewrite, watch out for pronoun problems. Analyze what you wrote in the first part of the first plot sentence.<br /><br />Give names and details; tell us what happens.<br /><br />Plot, genre, wordcount; the only other detail possibly worth mentioning is that you lived in the area you wrote about. Definitely no letter of recommendation, unless you get this person to pass it along to his/her agent.<br /><br />If the query letter didn't interest me, there's no way I'd read the synopsis. What I've heard is that the synopsis is mainly to be sure you don't have aliens in chapter 14 and nowhere else.<br /><br />Send in this infamous synopsis.<br /><br />OK, I've got decent grammar, but I guess (sob) I'll have to resort to self-publishing!_*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47090346528554746582009-08-26T23:42:32.117-04:002009-08-26T23:42:32.117-04:00Whoa. Chances of selling manuscript if agent think...<i>Whoa. Chances of selling manuscript if agent thinks you<br /><br />use bad grammar and are straight: 0.<br /><br />use correct grammar and are straight: 10%.<br /><br />Use bad grammar and are gay: 27%.<br /><br />Use correct grammar and are gay: 84%.</i><br /><br />Oh, my. Something else I'm gonna have to learn how to do...rilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06988777482435230194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-87932910706328750712009-08-26T17:50:19.992-04:002009-08-26T17:50:19.992-04:00That door in the clip is what the inarticulate guy...That door in the clip is what the inarticulate guy was looking at? Cool animation. I'm guessing the twist = it all takes place in the world portrayed on the show, which actually exists somewhere beyond Jupiter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6030652399221419012009-08-26T17:37:12.532-04:002009-08-26T17:37:12.532-04:00You need to let the novel sell itself. A good lin...You need to let the novel sell itself. A good link to query or pitch advice is here, <a href="http://www.pnwa.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=205" rel="nofollow">PNWA</a>. But that link has just the basics. You also need to cater the query to each agent. You have a good start by mentioning books of a similar genre the agent handled, but try if you can to look into the individual tastes of the agent and tweak the query to fit.<br /><br />Hope that helps.<br /><br />JodiJodi Ralstonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02400458940845469179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77788197830765513542009-08-26T16:15:18.227-04:002009-08-26T16:15:18.227-04:00Author, you need the plot here in your query.
T...Author, you need the plot here in your query. <br /><br />The synopses, partials, fulls, etc. will only <b>expand</b> on what the query has intrigued the agent/editor with.<br /><br /><i>Use correct grammar and are gay: 84%</i><br /><br />What portion of that goes to using correct grammar? To being gay? I'm only half-gay so do I get the correct grammar and straight 10% boost added to whatever lower percentage I would get from my half-gay status? We bisexuals need to know our chances here too!Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19897833950435844062009-08-26T16:07:08.558-04:002009-08-26T16:07:08.558-04:00This barebones query reminds me of a DC-based Clos...This barebones query reminds me of a DC-based <i>Close Encounters of the Third Kind </i>. <br /><br />You've got me in your corner cos 1) I'm a DC-tonian -- it's cool to read books set in the area that don't involve political stuffs; 2) I love alien-based SF/F; and 3)as the GTPs showed, there's a plethora of things you can do with your title, <i>The Accident </i>.<br /><br />Now tell me what happens in this book so that I can champion for you even more.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68139589277861591682009-08-26T16:04:44.610-04:002009-08-26T16:04:44.610-04:00Ha! EE, Sarah and Buffy, I love you much today.
...Ha! EE, Sarah and Buffy, I love you much today. <br /><br />Seriously, Anon 10:37, you don't find it the slightest bit ironic to lecture on grammar and then (derogatorily) call something gay in the same sentence? I do so hope you write that way in your manuscripts. Let them never see the light of day. <br /><br />:)Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39273025808614539362009-08-26T15:43:57.767-04:002009-08-26T15:43:57.767-04:00Hmmm......
Guess the twist? Sounds like fun.
The...Hmmm......<br /><br />Guess the twist? Sounds like fun.<br /><br />The three couples are actually the aliens that crashed in the spaceship, they just don't remember who they are. That's how the brother became mysteriously trapped in the spaceship, he got stuck when they crashed.<br /><br />Is that it?Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68393792407124365022009-08-26T15:32:08.266-04:002009-08-26T15:32:08.266-04:00Wait, wait. I got it. The alien looks like Brad Pi...Wait, wait. I got it. The alien looks like Brad Pitt and goes around saying, "The first rule of alien invasion is you do not talk about alien invasion. The second rule of alien invasion is you DO NOT talk about alien invasion..."<br /><br />And then he shoots himself in the face. Am I right?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66014816592467350682009-08-26T15:13:22.594-04:002009-08-26T15:13:22.594-04:00I'll wade in here - from what I read in your q...I'll wade in here - from what I read in your query - your book sounds interesting - vaguely. <br /><br />I didn't like the first sentence but you know whatever. <br /><br />This is how I look at it. If I see a book with an interesting title and an interesting cover in a genre I like or have heard cool things about a book or is written by an author I like - I pick it up and read the back. If I like that I read the flaps and maybe the first couple of pages. Then if I still like - I buy the book. <br /><br />I look at query letters the same way. Its like a cover letter sent with a resume. The cover letter should make me (your potential employer) interested in reading your resume. <br /><br />If your query letter is only vaguely interesting, I may read your synopsis if I don't have fifty others to look at or am trying to avoid doing something at work I don't want to do. <br /><br />So - you can revise your query, make it fantastic so I have no choice but to read on . . . or not.<br /><br />I guess my only question to you is this, (you stated: "but I don't want to say much in the letter about the plot because I am sending this to agents who've requested a synopsis.")<br /><br />Should not your great resume be reflected in your great cover letter? Why not be a bit repetitive to make sure the busy editor/agent gets it? No harm mentioning you graduated from Harvard twice - but maybe not 10 times. <br /><br />Get my meaning?<br /><br />vkwAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65645584278220133552009-08-26T15:08:21.452-04:002009-08-26T15:08:21.452-04:00The alien is Keyser Soze.The alien is Keyser Soze.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com