tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8494931509606352947..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1226Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45086314335568376822014-10-05T22:55:12.017-04:002014-10-05T22:55:12.017-04:00Looked into live groups first and all of the ones ...Looked into live groups first and all of the ones I found in the area meet on nights I work. 60 to 72 hour work weeks don't leave much time for meetings but most of the time I'm in an office in front of a computer so I do have the opportunity to write when we aren't busy.Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84716644674479615072014-10-05T13:38:14.973-04:002014-10-05T13:38:14.973-04:00I would really strongly recommend a live writing g...I would really strongly recommend a live writing group if you can find one.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63341745881307246782014-10-04T09:27:00.005-04:002014-10-04T09:27:00.005-04:00Is anyone a member of Scribophile or heard anythin...Is anyone a member of Scribophile or heard anything about it? I'm also open to any other recommendations regarding online writing groups if anyone here knows of a good one.<br /><br />Starting next week I'm going to look into cutting my book in half as it already happens be pretty much the first two parts of the same story. <br /><br />That would putt me at about 120,000 words per book and then I could probably whittle that down to less than 100k.<br /><br />I'm going to read that Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne before I start cutting each of the two parts down though. I've already ordered it and Amazon should have it here in a couple of days. <br /><br />Whatever I get from the Renni Browne's book and the information I've received <br />here I'm sure will be very helpful.<br /><br />I may even pay an editor to look at eventually, not sure yet.<br /><br />Thanks again for everyone's input and guidance.Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-31176945715332849842014-10-03T15:47:04.826-04:002014-10-03T15:47:04.826-04:00"When I need to cut, I print out the manuscri..."When I need to cut, I print out the manuscript. I write down the total number of words that I want to cut and divide it by the number of printed pages. Say I get an answer of "10". Then I go through the manuscript and try to find 10 words to cut on every page. Takes a couple weeks."<br /><br />That sounds like good advice, AR. I think I'm going to try that on my next revision.<br /><br />Anon - Can anyone actually read 6 books a week? Anyone who has a job/responsibilities, that is? I'd be highly skeptical of getting critiques from anyone who reads that quickly. Unless they're some kind of genius. From what I've learned of speed-reading, I have serious doubts that people reading that fast are actually really giving it a fair read. <br /><br />Now, author, regarding backstory -- I know how difficult it can be to cut backstory out. But Anonymous is right in that people just don't care about backstory as much. It's taking them back, not forward, and they probably already know how it ends, so the tension is gone. <br /><br />An example: The book I'm working on now includes an important secondary character with what I think is a really interesting backstory which explains why he is who he currently is. But most of it's not relevant to the story I was writing. So I included just enough to be relevant without getting into the whole thing. I tried to go back and write a companion book to cover the backstory while also telling a present-day story about him. After about 50,000 words, I realized the present-day part of the story wasn't very interesting, and the backstory didn't really stand alone. So, I scrapped the idea and decided to hold onto the backstory bits. Maybe I'll find some places to put some of it in future books. My main thought now is that if the book succeeds and finds an audience, I can offer that backstory as some sort of bonus thing (on my website, if nothing else) for those who are interested in learning more about this character. <br /><br />So, like Anonymous said, don't think of the parts you cut as being gone forever. Think of them as things that maybe you can find places for later. Or, if not that, things you could put up as 'deleted scenes' or bonus bits if the book builds a fan base. If you don't eventually decide to scrap them after all.SBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32014249124294683532014-10-03T14:04:51.937-04:002014-10-03T14:04:51.937-04:00Anonymous's suggestions on how to edit your ma...Anonymous's suggestions on how to edit your manuscript are really good. I hope you will take them.<br /><br />Meanwhile, continuing to edit the query is a useful exercise <i>if, and only if,</i> it helps you focus on the central message of the story.<br /><br />You should not plan on querying until your story is revised, re-revised, and polished to a steely glow.<br /><br />AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49395234467355561412014-10-03T13:50:36.534-04:002014-10-03T13:50:36.534-04:00Ok, a few suggestion to get you started on self ed...Ok, a few suggestion to get you started on self editing. (I'm down to 142K from 185+K and am still grinding down without losing much that anyone but me will ever care about)<br /><br />1) create a clip file (if you don't have one already). This is for everything you take out of your book. You aren't throwing it away, you're saving it to be used elsewhere.<br /><br />2) go through each scene, decide how much of it's relevant to the main plot or significant supporting sub plot (at that word count you don't have room for non-supporting sub plots, make them separate books). If it's only a small fraction of text, see if you can move the info to a different scene and move the rest to your clip file.<br /><br />Remove/combine characters with duplicate functions<br />Remove duplicate information<br />Remove excessive detail<br />Remove meaningless flavor text<br />Remove back story--including everything interesting that doesn't directly impact the current plot. Limit detail on anything that can't be removed.<br /><br />note: the problem with back story is that it happened in the past. It removes the reader from the immediacy of the current plot and can't be changed by the characters (barring time travel paradox stories)<br /><br />3. as AlaskaRavenclaw said pick a percentage and cut that many words. <br /><br />4. take a look at what you have and cut another percentage of words<br /><br />5. repeat steps 2-4 until the book will disintegrate if you remove anything else<br /><br />6. Find good people to beta who are fans of the genre who read A LOT (minimum a book a week, preferably 6+ books a week). See what they think can be cut<br /><br />7. repeat steps 2-6 until finished<br /><br />Hope this helpsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51813933884120954782014-10-03T13:23:49.112-04:002014-10-03T13:23:49.112-04:00I was one of EE followers who used to say - "...I was one of EE followers who used to say - "CUT BY HALF" and mean it. Remember, you don't have to throw what you cut away just put it aside. That's one of my first edits. Cut the extra words and then come back to refine the story. But the first edit is cut, cut, cut and not by scene but by words. <br /><br />200,000+ words as a first novel will not make it into print. That's a flat statement of fact. <br /><br />DUNE was published as a serial in ANALOG and Frank Herbert had a series of stories in ANALOG, Fantastic stories, Astounding stories, Amazing stories and the serialized version of DUNE was still not his first novel and not his first short story. <br /><br />The first question you need to ask yourself is if you have more than one book. For more than one book, you need an outline. If you didn't make an outline to write the book then you need to do it now. <br />From the outline look for ways to tell the story. If you want "linear" then the arc of the story goes from Chapter one to Chapter End and the next book begins. . . A book news to makes some point (has some message) or fulfills something in the reader. <br />If you make the story "non-linear" then quite possible, the origin of the main character can be moved to the second or third novel. Some of it may not be usable except as background to you, the author. That's not a waste of time but more of a writing aid. <br />Once you decided on the overall structure and the number of books, then you can begin another rewrite of the story and fit the current words into the structure. <br /><br />Don't fear a rewrite. I have stories with two dozen numbered versions where only the fifth from the last satisfied me and I still edited after that. <br /><br />The work of writing (and the fun of it) is the rewriting that improves it and builds character or mood or style. Does the story start in rain and end in rain and is the mood of rain carried throughout? "Rain" simply being an example here. (It's raining outside at this very minute). <br /><br />As an example of my first chop, chop, chop, this: <br /><i> Knowing where the chanting originated, he could wait for Tommy to wake. </i><br />becomes this: <br /><i> The chanting could wait for morning. </i><br /><br />So go to it. Enjoy the rewrites. Make the story better.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18217202416002233005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10943171151419266812014-10-03T12:16:03.502-04:002014-10-03T12:16:03.502-04:00If everyone you're showing your work to has no...If everyone you're showing your work to has nothing but praise, you're showing it to the wrong people. It's a rule I follow myself.<br /><br />No, one query letter must be for one book.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45186678578993846192014-10-03T11:31:35.170-04:002014-10-03T11:31:35.170-04:00Yes this is my first book, first query, first syno...Yes this is my first book, first query, first synopsis. Alaska I have to admit I've already "re-revised" my revision, couldn't wait. Thanks for the advice I will order that book today and look into writing groups this afternoon. Ink I have shown the book to five people three I know personally two I did not know, all fans of the genre. In all cases I asked for brutal honesty. Four out of five actually said it was better than many books they have paid for. They all liked it hell one of them only read the first half of the book while I was working on it and had hounded me on an off for years to let him read the other half. Though I have asked no one has really said anything bad about it except one person who said (and I agree) that I have a tendency to over explain. <br /><br />Can one query letter offer up a manuscript as two books in a series. As it's written it could easily be divided into to two. The events leading up to leaving on their Journey to the Gar Rei homeworld and the events that take place on the journey.Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50724225456057646542014-10-03T11:09:54.071-04:002014-10-03T11:09:54.071-04:00I was not comparing my work to Tolstoy I was just ...I was not comparing my work to Tolstoy I was just saying I don't think my book would be 1000 pges compared to some other novels by comparing word count and number of pages. <br />After looking into that I totally see your point about it being too long though. Frank Herbert's Dune was only 187,000 and that is one of the longer ones I found. I can easily cut it in half to about 120,000 word per book. As well a streamlining it to some degree.Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-8108510780306259492014-10-03T10:55:18.991-04:002014-10-03T10:55:18.991-04:00SB I didn't have to make the explanation that ...SB I didn't have to make the explanation that long I was just sharing a little of the back story. As to the 2nd "why" humans discovered the existence of the Gar Rei while Sam and Ben were frozen. We declared war on the Gar Rei, they pretty much kicked our asses until while boarding a human war ship they discovered our Hemo-Gel a cloned blood product that stays fresh for long periods of time. Cultural issue prevented the Gar Rei from producing it themselves so they sued for peace and a limited trade agreement. Said ass whoopin and knowing the Gar Rei weren't the only aliens out there caused a cultural shift on Earth geared toward advancing tech and preparedness. Relations with various other alien species humans came across over that time also contributed to the technological advancement of humans. So by the time Sam and Ben were found humans had done a great deal to narrow the gap. Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41057061205625717542014-10-03T10:51:51.570-04:002014-10-03T10:51:51.570-04:00Sometimes writers have trouble figuring out how to...Sometimes writers have trouble figuring out how to condense their own stories down to query length. They see every piece as important because they know how it all connects up in the narrative, so it becomes very hard to determine what's essential and what isn't.<br /><br />The explanation for why Sam and Ben are ideal emissaries doesn't even need to be as long as what SB came up with. All you really need to say is that the Gar Rei now regard them as legendary warriors from a great battle of the past. You don't need to go into the Gar Rei's culture and feeding habits or the fact that it's very rare for them to attack another sentient species. For the purposes of the query, all we need to know that the Gar Rei respect Sam and Ben and why they do. <br /><br />In addition to the issues EE mentioned with a high word count, some editors are going to look at it - fairly or not - as a sign that a writer can't edit themselves. For editors, that means extra time they'll have to spend editing out unnecessary passages themselves. <br /><br />Have you shown your book to anyone you don't know personally yet? Friends and family are usually softer critics than total strangers or editors (I almost typed "enemies" for some reason). Even if they're trying to be helpful and constructive, they' may be hesitant to tell you if there's a big problem, like an entire chapter that doesn't add anything to the story.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38762346921983339202014-10-03T10:24:12.481-04:002014-10-03T10:24:12.481-04:00With regard to your query: You should be able to s...<br />With regard to your query: You should be able to sum up your novel in a single sentence, under 20 words in length.<br /><br />But I can't get away from the idea that you're querying too soon. If at this point you agree with us that you're willing to cut 50-70k, then you need to do that before you query.<br /><br />Back story should never add significantly to word count. Readers want to read a story, not a back story. The same goes for details.<br /><br />When I need to cut, I print out the manuscript. I write down the total number of words that I want to cut and divide it by the number of printed pages. Say I get an answer of "10". Then I go through the manuscript and try to find 10 words to cut on every page. Takes a couple weeks.<br /><br />It sounds like you're really just starting out. Give yourself time to learn the craft. Most of the authors I know sold their fourth or fifth novel, not their first one. There's so much to learn in this business.<br /><br />This isn't to say you're wasting your time. As long as you're writing and revising, you're learning, but you need to learn even more.<br /><br />You might send this out as is. If anyone expresses an interest then-- please don't take this the wrong way-- I would google them assiduously. Make sure they're on the up-and-up. There are a hundred scammers for every honest agent and publisher, and a new writer who's getting information from the internet is like gold to them.<br /><br />Here's what I think you should do:<br /><br />1. Read a lot of books about writing, especially by real authors. You need the advice of people who have been there.<br /><br />2. Join a writing group or take a writing class in meatspace. If everyone tells you you're doing great, quit and join another one. (I'd give the same advice to anybody. I quit two writing groups for that reason myself.)<br /><br />I'd also advise reading <i>Self-Editing for Fiction Writers</i> by Renni Browne. AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50089495268946195882014-10-03T10:02:00.360-04:002014-10-03T10:02:00.360-04:00You're telling me some author managed to get a...You're telling me some author managed to get a 1200-page book published? Who <i>is</i> this Tolstoy guy and how do I get <i>his</i> agent?<br /><br />Obviously the page count will depend on whether it's a 7 by 9-inch hardback or a 4 by 7 paperback, whether it's printed in font size 11 or 9, etc.<br /><br />Whether publishers will even consider a book that long depends on whether the author has a proven sales record, whether it's being published at a time when publishers are pinching pennies or throwing money at every book that comes their way, etc.<br /><br />What the people who've read your book tell you about it has no bearing on anything--unless they offer to foot the bill for publishing it.<br /><br />You don't need to cut huge subplots to make it shorter, just use half as many words to say what you need to say. The way I managed to cut your presumably concise query letter down to two fifths of the original size.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-67448703572666843362014-10-03T05:12:05.577-04:002014-10-03T05:12:05.577-04:00Alaska I hate waiting but I suppose the damn garag...Alaska I hate waiting but I suppose the damn garage does need cleaning out... I'll step back for a day or so before making anymore revisions and figuring out how to cram the Gar Rei's motives for insisting that Sam and Ben be made Emissaries of the Alliance. As to cutting it down ugh... I can think of a couple of areas I and cut and put in the sequel about 50k- 70k worth but I would really hate to cut more than that. I will if I have to though. It's not about the difficulty of doing so it's just that I would hate to have to cut out detail or backstory elements. The people who have read it say they love that about it but again I'll figure out a way to do it if I have to. <br /><br />I had originally included the word count in the interest of full disclosure but was then told by a couple of people on writing blogs to leave it out. But I will include it in the next revision. Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-23629954087974349672014-10-03T04:31:32.721-04:002014-10-03T04:31:32.721-04:00Amy I totally agree and "tough as nails is a ...Amy I totally agree and "tough as nails is a little lame" I'm still struggling with trying to use a few words as possible to paint the picture. But again I'm still working on it maybe "highly trained" or "elite Fleet Infantry soldiers" or something like that. All good points folks. <br /><br />Thanks.Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90452170612417765602014-10-03T04:26:53.733-04:002014-10-03T04:26:53.733-04:00I was thinking more like 500- 550 pages. Ayn Rand&...I was thinking more like 500- 550 pages. Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead is 311,000 words and it comes out at 720pgs. The English version of War and Peace at almost 600,000 words comes in at between 1200 to 1440 pages depending on which version.Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68927539759297635942014-10-03T00:56:02.993-04:002014-10-03T00:56:02.993-04:00Considering how long your explanation was, compare...Considering how long your explanation was, compared with how long it needed to be to answer the 'why' question, I think I can see why your book is so long.<br /><br />Sam and Ben survived an attack by the fearsome Gar Rei, thus earning the Gar Rei's respect as predators (or warriors or however you want to put it). It also makes them two of the only humans the Gar Rei consider equal/strong enough to consider being allies with.<br /><br />Something to that effect.<br /><br />Though now I'm wondering why humans would want to ally with aliens who see them as food. Even if they only feed on humans when they're <i>really</i> hungry, that's still not really someone you'd think humans would be comfortable getting in bed with.<br /><br />SBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19326652667662594422014-10-03T00:31:32.343-04:002014-10-03T00:31:32.343-04:00243,000 words is going to be close to 1000 pages. ...243,000 words is going to be close to 1000 pages. The bookstore could put four books by authors people have heard of in the same space your book would fill. Three copies would take up an entire aisle at Barnes and Noble. You couldn't think of a single thing to tell us about your story two days ago, and now it's longer than the complete works of J.D. Salinger?<br /><br />You said in the first draft that you didn't want to waste anyone's time. Not mentioning the length in your query because it might be a deal killer will waste the time of anyone who asks to see pages only to find out fifty square miles of rainforest will need to be destroyed for your first print run. <br /><br />Have a little compassion for the postal workers who have to deliver books from Amazon.com. There'll be a plague of back injuries like the world has never seen.<br /><br /> This is projected to be a series? It's <i>already</i> a series. Divide the book into at least two parts, cut as much as possible, and query part 1 as the first book in the series.<br /><br />Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62800353699065106382014-10-02T22:17:27.893-04:002014-10-02T22:17:27.893-04:00Word count is 243,000 and some change by the way. ...<i>Word count is 243,000 and some change by the way. I've also heard that I should not include it in the query since that is, I guess, a long book for a first timer and that might cause an agent to baulk before giving it a chance.</i><br /><br />It's a long book for anybody. I wouldn't dream of trying to get away with it as a tenth-timer.<br /><br />I would strongly, strongly suggest going back to that manuscript and cutting 150,000 words. And if that seems like too much work, well... welcome to the club.<br /><br />AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46957272344490238512014-10-02T21:35:53.313-04:002014-10-02T21:35:53.313-04:00I like your revision. Just the cliché "tough...I like your revision. Just the cliché "tough as nails" stood out to me for some reason, just because it is a cliché. Then again you didn't describe any of the females as "beautiful" so props for that! Amynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-233677445195835922014-10-02T18:30:23.544-04:002014-10-02T18:30:23.544-04:00Yeah, my biggest question is why they're so ha...Yeah, my biggest question is why they're so hard up for soldiers/diplomats/whatever that they're sending guys who just woke up from a 600-year nap. I'd have a hard time imagining the current US government finding some frozen Pilgrims and sending them off on a trade mission to Afghanistan. I find the scenario you've set up just as implausible without more information.<br /><br />Also, you phrase it as if they are suddenly on board with helping avoid the destruction of the aliens who attacked their ship and made them freeze themselves never to see their families again. I would expect them to not care so much if these 'ally' aliens got destroyed.<br /><br />Also, it's irrelevant who pointed you at a particular agent unless it was another agent who read your manuscript and said 'this isn't for me but so-and-so might like it'. In other words, if it's a recommendation of you to the agent, not of the agent to you.SBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47240745695927749062014-10-02T18:03:18.306-04:002014-10-02T18:03:18.306-04:00Thanks Anonymous, I think I'm gonna tear page ...Thanks Anonymous, I think I'm gonna tear page 150 out of Writer's Market Guide to Getting Published. Almost everything you mentioned as well came from that example of a successful query letter. And I will find a way to cut down the info about the mission so that is will not only fit but make sense.<br /><br />Thanks again. Damn it I Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-322686593357202162014-10-02T17:45:05.875-04:002014-10-02T17:45:05.875-04:00Thanks a lot, I've been struggling with how to...Thanks a lot, I've been struggling with how to fit in the reason for Sam and Ben's significance to the Gar Rei and why they were "chosen" to be "Emissaries of The Alliance" by the Gar Rei.The 19th and The Gar Rei had been at war on and off for hundreds of years but there had been a lull in the conflict for a long time until the 19th attacked a Gar Rei colony on the planet Camillus. The Soli Na (a Gar Rei battleship) barely escaped and was badly damaged. They needed food for their long journey home to warn their people of the renewed threat. Now being basically space vampires as far as needing fresh blood to survive (bodies can't process dead tissue, solid proteins or most starches well enough to get what they need to survive). As a result hunting and feeding is deeply ingrained in their culture. The Commanders of the Soli Na needed to reassert dominance after their defeat at Camillus and replenish the ships food supply. Our solar system just happened to be a convenient (and long used) stop along the way. Enter the Ossamer (the ship Ben and Sam were on that the Gar Rei attacked). Subjects of the hunt especially sentient ones are highly regarded by the Gar Rei if they were particularly formidable, manage to escape and even wound or kill the hunters. Sam and Ben had managed to do just that. The rest of the crew and passengers of the Ossamer weren't that lucky. They were either killed and fed on or taken captive to sustain the Gar Rei on their journey. Though hunting intelligent life has supposedly been outlawed for hundreds of years. It was still allowed in emergencies and legitimate battle. The crew of the Soli Na were heroes when they made it back to their home world and the Ossamer hunt became a part of their history. So when the Gar Rei Ambassadors to Earth heard that two humans had survived the Ossamer hunt is stasis for long they insisted that they be made Emissaries of The Alliance. To be an example of humankind and prove to the anti-alliance factions in the Gar Rei government, military and citizenry that human's would be worthy allies.<br /><br />This is pretty much hitting the high lights of "why" they were chosen and I've been having trouble trying to boil it down to fit in the query. Hell this isn't even a detailed accounting.<br /><br />Word count is 243,000 and some change by the way. I've also heard that I should not include it in the query since that is, I guess, a long book for a first timer and that might cause an agent to baulk before giving it a chance.<br /><br />I will work on getting the explanation in there while trying to keep it as short as possible.<br /><br />Thanks again, I really appreciate the help and guidance.Ollie99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10815442766655935775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53442231630944110432014-10-02T17:44:35.674-04:002014-10-02T17:44:35.674-04:00This is better, though mich too long. EE's tig...This is better, though mich too long. EE's tightened up version should give you an idea of what direction you need to go in.<br /><br />Most of the first two paragraphs can go and most of the last paragraph too. All you really need aside from your story are the title of the book, genre, word count, maybe some books that it's similar too, and a "thank you for your time." The editors probably don't care where you heard about them from and few of them have lovely portraits like EE's to gush over.<br /><br />Your sentences run long, which can make them confusing to read. You want the first sentence in particular to grab your reader. Editors go through tons of queries every day and seeing whether the first sentence piques their interest is a quick way to separate the ones that get a form rejection letter from the ones that get a more thorough read-through. If the sentence is so long that the editor forgets how it started by the end of it, your query is going to end up in the pile you don't want it in.<br /><br />I'm still not getting a great sense of Sam and Ben. I have a better idea of what happens to them, but not how they feel about their circumstances or what they actually do. Their goals remain unclear. I see that they have a task assigned to them, but in addition to wondering guys who just woke up 600 years after being attacked by the Gar Rei Jhi are going to be at all helpful in strengthenng the alliance and exchanging tech with them, I'm unsure if they want to try to build new live for themselves in this new era, look for a way to get back to their time, kill all the Gar Rei Jhi, have sex with aliens, or something else.<br /><br />The stakes are a little more clear, but I don't understand how we get from Sam and Ben on a diplomatic mission to Sam and Ben having some role in the war with the new alien race.<br /><br />Get to the jump to 600 in the future as fast as possible in the next draft. That's where the majority of the story happens, so we don't need a whole lot of info about Sam and Ben's lives or the state of the universe before they wake up in the future.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.com