tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8349083617175990148..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 948Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37643022562769961742012-05-17T21:25:35.485-04:002012-05-17T21:25:35.485-04:00It's obviously a whisper campaign but there...It's obviously a whisper campaign but there's nothing more than talk. If this is like the "hippie" thing where adults sneered at and mistreated their own children, or if it is like the Scarlet Letter A embroidered on a blouse or a doublet, then the reader needs to know that in those two paragraphs.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18217202416002233005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16538204895503010462012-05-17T18:40:10.785-04:002012-05-17T18:40:10.785-04:00I think you build up some good mystery and momentu...I think you build up some good mystery and momentum in the first paragraph - but then in the second it stalls a bit with unnecessary details about Pastor Claire's cell phone location and photocopying. I would edit like so:<br /><br /><i>Truth be told, Pastor Claire had known one of them would turn up someday too. After she hung up she got in her file drawer and found the right folder and took out her notes. At least, she thought, Sunday's sermon is going to be an easy one.</i>sarahhawthornenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54094395884466642112012-05-17T11:47:42.537-04:002012-05-17T11:47:42.537-04:00This opening is from a WIP that may not have gone ...This opening is from a WIP that may not have gone much beyond this point.<br /><br />Also, it was the last opening in the queue, and only one query remains to be critiqued. Hint, hint.<br /><br /><br />In P1, I'd use italics or quotation marks to distinguish between what people say and what the narrator says.<br /><br />It would be more intriguing if it were clear that "one of them" refers to something more than just hair color.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21599952151540363672012-05-17T11:37:29.679-04:002012-05-17T11:37:29.679-04:00Unchosen continuations:
She uncapped her pen and...Unchosen continuations:<br /><br /><br />She uncapped her pen and began to scribble in her notebook:<br /><br />"Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us, 'There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.'<br /><br />Take notice, my friends, that not one of these references gingers."<br /><br />--T.K.Marnell<br /><br /><br />The life of a part-time-literary agent, full-time-pastor was never a dull one. Although how was she going to work in "The wages of sin are death" combined with submitting a hot new work to Evil Editor?<br /><br />-Golfball<br /><br /><br />"The Whore of Babylon" was the title. Claire kept it ready for redheads. Everyone knew red was the color of the Whore. In this sleepy country town, you couldn't safeguard the young men too closely. Claire had learned long ago not to let a redheaded woman near her flock of consorts.<br /><br />--Rachel6Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com