tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8232165357697130534..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 663Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-17790294388784611082009-08-13T16:19:53.693-04:002009-08-13T16:19:53.693-04:00The term "Seeker" has been really used i...The term "Seeker" has been really used in popular books that your target audience has probably read like Harry Potter and Stephanie Meyer's ya scifi novel The Host. Might want to consider a new name.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15934156701011872042009-08-13T12:12:56.871-04:002009-08-13T12:12:56.871-04:00Seems like it could be a strong story idea.
I'...Seems like it could be a strong story idea.<br /><br />I'd make the query shorter and tighter, though. This one feels a bit all-over-the-place. You don't have to explain the progression of the entire plot in a query, just enough to let us know what the premise and main conflict are. I think you can do that in a little less space that what you used here.<br /><br />Rachel Heston Davis<br />www.rachelhestondavis.wordpress.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-23769884900214514942009-08-13T08:03:21.643-04:002009-08-13T08:03:21.643-04:00Do none of you anonymice have at least the ingenui...Do none of you anonymice have at least the ingenuity to give yourselves a screen name? Nobody knows which is who.<br /><br />Fifth Element meets Existenz? Try to make the story sound more original, even if it isn't :).nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62355037103142315472009-08-13T07:29:02.159-04:002009-08-13T07:29:02.159-04:00Might want to check that synopsis/story for spelli...Might want to check that synopsis/story for spelling and grammar errors before putting it up for all to see (and especially before submitting to agents!). I noticed many errors in just a few seconds... (e.g. "The eyes approached me, and the siloehette of an enormous create – maybe seven feet tall – materialized.")<br /><br />(EE, I know this isn't a comment on the query, but it's still important to know that if I were an agent, I would probably not read much further)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32904321059182521992009-08-13T07:22:54.542-04:002009-08-13T07:22:54.542-04:00In general, I have to agree with most of the comme...In general, I have to agree with most of the comments (especially Fifth Element?!). To have teens feel more connected with the main character, I'd suggest cutting down on the super powers a bit (or upping their ingenuity quotient). Of course, I haven't been a teen in decades, so what do I know?<br /><br />Also, the NSA does not have the power to arrest people, so you might want to double check your story on that one (or they might be able to in your world, but I'd be worried having an agent think I didn't know my facts...).Hadean Dragonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00263019814190059550noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3611596305239680482009-08-13T01:50:38.045-04:002009-08-13T01:50:38.045-04:00The Fifth Element ripped off Harry Canyon from the...<i> The Fifth Element</i> ripped off Harry Canyon from the original <i> Heavy Metal</i> movie. It didn't really seem fresh or original then, either. What saved it was Harry's narration.Khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15907119115061830142009-08-12T22:54:44.447-04:002009-08-12T22:54:44.447-04:00hilarious guess the plot entries!hilarious guess the plot entries!Kathleenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00923975835078747456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76677625612659666962009-08-12T21:48:21.715-04:002009-08-12T21:48:21.715-04:00Most publishers wouldn't want it there once th...Most publishers wouldn't want it there once the book was published. At least one publisher puts their books online, so it's not necessarily the kiss of death, especially if it's not the final version. I would think a major publisher would be less concerned that your novel was online before it was published than would a small press, which doesn't have print runs in five figures, and may, just to break even, count on twenty or so sales to your friends and family, some of whom won't buy it because they already read it online. <br /><br />I'm not sure what the point is of putting an entire book you're trying to sell online. Just to prove it exists? Agents and editors won't want to read it off your website.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7614053733237338332009-08-12T20:39:48.404-04:002009-08-12T20:39:48.404-04:00EE can you weigh in on the ENTIRE manuscript being...EE can you weigh in on the ENTIRE manuscript being posted online?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-31767681314377199232009-08-12T19:56:43.539-04:002009-08-12T19:56:43.539-04:00Sure enough, there it is in all its glory.
anon ...Sure enough, there it is in all its glory. <br /><br />anon 3:16Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72695801100996664402009-08-12T19:24:52.212-04:002009-08-12T19:24:52.212-04:00Yeah, oops. Making the whole manuscript available...Yeah, oops. Making the whole manuscript available free on the web maybe screwed up the value of your copyright. Could be a good idea to take that down.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60475597644793405912009-08-12T18:29:40.174-04:002009-08-12T18:29:40.174-04:00anon 3:16. Yes. Per google.anon 3:16. Yes. Per google.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89092024476985630112009-08-12T17:36:11.041-04:002009-08-12T17:36:11.041-04:00This is really strong, it just needs a few tweaks....This is really strong, it just needs a few tweaks.<br /><br />I for one did buy the idea of the poor people living underground where it's safe and the rich enjoying the expensive sunshine.<br /><br />I'm with Rachel, though - there's something odd about the "sarcastic orphan" clause.<br /><br />The only thing I'd like to know that you don't mention is why Jayde teams up with the punk hacker instead of kicking his butt to the curb.Sarah from Hawthornenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81341286518876174792009-08-12T16:51:04.772-04:002009-08-12T16:51:04.772-04:00Maybe if you mentioned that he's a dormant emp...Maybe if you mentioned that he's a dormant empath earlier, it would help. You could also do with more plot and less scene.<br /><br />The "sarcastic orphan" bit just sounded weird.<br /><br />Isn't a six-page synopsis unusually long? There may be agents who want one that long, but I don't think most do. The Rejecter has a recent article on the synopsis.<br /><br />This isn't horrible, but it's not grabbing my attention._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46137145970979025552009-08-12T16:13:07.735-04:002009-08-12T16:13:07.735-04:00It can be very difficult to write a good query let...It can be very difficult to write a good query letter, especially one that reflects the true nature of the story. Evil Editor has made some great suggestions for improvement, and after thinking it over I may have a couple of suggestions too.<br /><br />The query letter mentions the MC is snarky and sarcastic...right? (My memory is not good and this may not be the case. I can't go back and double check in this style of comment form.)<br /><br />Why not make the narrative snarky and sarcastic too? Feed the personality of your MC into the letter itself. I've seen it done before for characters with similar personalities, and I have to admit, it has always worked for me.<br /><br />Good luck, and do take all this kind advice into consideration. Query letters aren't easy.Uninvokedhttp://www.uninvoked.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34293779748203620252009-08-12T15:16:50.373-04:002009-08-12T15:16:50.373-04:00You wrote "I have a complete manuscript and a...You wrote "I have a complete manuscript and a six-page synopsis of Futurality you can receive by email or find in PDF form at my website."<br /><br />Are you saying the ENTIRE manuscript is on your website? If so, why would a publisher or agent be interested when people can get it for free on your website?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61537986692351525892009-08-12T13:48:25.741-04:002009-08-12T13:48:25.741-04:00With novels, round to the nearest thousand.
Now t...With novels, round to the nearest thousand.<br /><br />Now that Anonymous mentions it, it does seem more likely that the poor would have to wear around ultra-cheap mass-produced gas masks, and the rich would be able to afford underground digs where they don't have to.<br /><br />No need to mention Jayde's race unless it directly causes a conflict that will be directly addressed in the query.<br /><br />Remove the marketing paragraph. Do not mention your website. Then go to Miss Snark's blog and read the entire archive. Go on, we'll wait.<br /><br />We'll take another look at this if you put a rewrite in the comments. Good luck!150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66032483369900042662009-08-12T11:39:06.333-04:002009-08-12T11:39:06.333-04:00What I like about this is the lack of attachment t...What I like about this is the lack of attachment to real world limitations, combined with an actual plot line. <br /><br />The logic of the air pollution leading to cheap underground housing is problematic, perhaps you can just leave out the causal link and have these phenomena simply co-exist without explanation. We can certainly believe they co-exist, but your posed causality [bad air causes underground living to be cheaper] is distracting because it seems both dubious and extraneous to the plot. <br /><br />You don't need the paragraph about who the readers will be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-71203157680341893342009-08-12T11:14:39.687-04:002009-08-12T11:14:39.687-04:00Is a "black hovercab" the future equival...Is a "black hovercab" the future equivalent of a London black cab? Perhaps Jayde assists in the novel through her use of The Knowledge.<br /><br />Unless you mean Jayde is black - but then, why mention it? You don't say that Zavier is greeny blue (isn't Zombie everyone's automatic assumption?). Is her race important to the plot in some way?<br /><br />I liked the air purifier mention because it helped me imagine the setting, but I found it hard to picture the society. How old is Zavier? Where did he get his education in hacking? Wherever he studied, did he not also pick up enough other knowledge to get legal jobs, too? I like the images the query paints, but the world and story logic don't come across as solid, which makes me doubt that the story will be a satisfying read.Sophiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00190276853974946916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-22953800244368446352009-08-12T11:08:04.124-04:002009-08-12T11:08:04.124-04:00HOLY Jeebus. I instantly thought of The Fifth Elem...HOLY Jeebus. I instantly thought of The Fifth Element, too. Maybe not such a good sign.Mamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04853842158606222286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4967100240242337042009-08-12T10:11:05.534-04:002009-08-12T10:11:05.534-04:00I was guessing Star Wars and The Fifth Element bec...I was guessing <i>Star Wars</i> and <i>The Fifth Element</i> because of the hovercab escape scene, but you flipped it around with Jayde as Bruce Willis and Xavier as Milla Jovovich. Clever.<br /><br />The superpowers thing took me right out of it too. It was sounding fun until then.Blogless Trollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03983848259551488867noreply@blogger.com