tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post784529126647870150..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 438Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29249441512996167732007-10-19T12:14:00.000-04:002007-10-19T12:14:00.000-04:00This looks to me like the story is about Rhoda's e...This looks to me like the story is about Rhoda's emotional growth through her first job, the loss of a friend because of her actions, and a return to the place of her childhood that isn't what it used to be.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps focusing on the emotional journey as your overarching story might be helpful in the query instead of breaking it down into 3 parts.<BR/><BR/>I was confused by the 'books'. It does make it seem like a query for a series rather than a novel.<BR/><BR/>What I get from the query:<BR/>In the beginning, we have an insecure Rhoda who is doing major OJT on the 'right' side of the law. Then for the second part, Rhoda's cockiness gets a friend killed. She becomes overwhelmed with guilt. This guilt drives her home and to some dubious activities on the 'left' side of the law. But maybe these activities serve a higher prupose for the good of the reservation?<BR/><BR/>Queries are hell!<BR/>SarahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33898296825827632912007-10-19T06:31:00.000-04:002007-10-19T06:31:00.000-04:00I agree with EE, the F&W agent is the hook for yo...I agree with EE, the F&W agent is the hook for your story. Stick with it. You sound like you're talking about two books.<BR/><BR/>Taking down the terrorists would easily be a single book, and I think I might even read it. I just hope you avoid the bear gall bladder smuggling, which is big-business but disgusting to read about.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37187279451910684642007-10-19T04:48:00.000-04:002007-10-19T04:48:00.000-04:00Like the title.Have you read any of the Anna Pigeo...Like the title.<BR/>Have you read any of the Anna Pigeon series?Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88712574448925005502007-10-18T23:04:00.000-04:002007-10-18T23:04:00.000-04:00If you want to write about crimes against animals,...If you want to write about crimes against animals, making your protagonist be an enforcer of laws protecting them is brilliant. <BR/><BR/>If you want to write about bioterrorists who intend to kill humans, wildlife protection doesn't seem to be the most apt expertise, especially in a world where the USA has something like 17 different secret agent networks dedicated to finding and squelching bioterrorists, etc. I'm guessing you found an unexpected connection to make that work. <BR/><BR/>But your underdeveloped description of the evil casino plot at the end makes it sound too incongruous. What's the connection to wildlife? <BR/><BR/>If there isn't one, maybe that plot belongs in a different book.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3857620535862311812007-10-18T20:08:00.000-04:002007-10-18T20:08:00.000-04:00I like the idea of the first two stories quite a b...I like the idea of the first two stories quite a bit - different and interesting. I know that linked short stories are published-<BR/>maybe there are linked longer ones as well - (I just don't know).<BR/><BR/>But, could the second of your two stories simply follow on from the plot developed in the first, so that it becomes one? <BR/><BR/>The book may read differently than the query does- but I agree that the third section doesn't seem to "go" with the others. Does it connect in some way we don't see here?<BR/><BR/>And I agree the paragraph about Rhoda's personality traits should probably go - her personality can shine through from the profession she has chosen, and the decisions she makes, right? <BR/><BR/>EE, love your word: fantabuloso.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30308036803943340722007-10-18T18:32:00.000-04:002007-10-18T18:32:00.000-04:00Consider ditching that last paragraph, it definite...Consider ditching that last paragraph, it definitely does not win you any points. I think it is confusing to call them "books" as it almost sounds like you are talking about a trilogy. Instead of splitting it out into 3 stories like this for the query, why don't you summarize the entire story as one book with several plot elements told in 3 parts. Like anonymous said, you really need a unifying story arc even if it is as simple as an inexperienced cop turns into a veteran through blankety blank adventures. But I think you have alot going on. Almost too much - especially since you are at 105K!Ello - Ellen Ohhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18311917335471167591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88184630848834028322007-10-18T15:53:00.000-04:002007-10-18T15:53:00.000-04:00That's interesting, my WiP (which you all have see...That's interesting, my WiP (which you all have seen parts of) suffers from exactly that problem: it's separate stories (which unite in the end to tell the first one). I have been trying to do a synopsis so that maybe I can get some help in trying to reduce it down but I'm not sure how.<BR/><BR/>I think this query, although it has faults, does a decent job of introducing the three stories of Rhoda (assuming that was intended).Sylviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05925593802209715440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7137550224262884802007-10-18T15:09:00.000-04:002007-10-18T15:09:00.000-04:00A Felony of Birds, 105k words, tells the story of ...<I>A Felony of Birds, 105k words, tells the story of Native American Fish & Wildlife investigator, Rhoda Deerwalker in three parts.</I><BR/><BR/>Does it really, or is it telling three stories about Rhoda Deerwalker? From the query I get the impression of three distinct novellas with the same MC. It's not clear that there's a story arc running through all three "books" that tell the story of the MC.<BR/><BR/>Is there a uniting theme or thread that I'm just missing?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com