tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post7835754357139872335..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1274Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-44019895200457092632015-08-28T18:51:31.590-04:002015-08-28T18:51:31.590-04:00Okay, this is pretty good. You are apparently fami...Okay, this is pretty good. You are apparently familiar with both writing and the English language. (I'm not being sarcastic. You should see some of the stuff we get.)<br /><br />I do think you need to clear up what the animal/humans look like and exactly what you mean when you say they take on animal characteristics. <br /><br />Also, figure out who your MC is and focus on that person. The query needs to be written from one point of view.<br /><br />I agree you should leave out most of "this should appeal to." It will be obvious who it will appeal to if you describe the story well, so use your space to do that.<br /><br />I suggest you rewrite the query and repost it here. St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68846763822072826222015-08-28T14:15:09.367-04:002015-08-28T14:15:09.367-04:00Addendum: So this is going to be a series and you&...Addendum: So this is going to be a series and you've written the other two books. If your first book leaves room for more stories, but is a complete story arc on its own (think the first Matrix movie of Star Wars: A New Hope), then I'd say it's a standalone novel with two completed sequels. If the first book doesn't tell a complete and satisfying story without the other two (kind of like the first series of the aforementioned Avatar: The Last Airbender), you might want to consider querying the series as a whole. If agreeing to represent or publish your first book effectively means agreeing to represent or publish all three, you want to be upfront about that.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18826328529636041952015-08-28T12:56:30.807-04:002015-08-28T12:56:30.807-04:00If everyone is fully human until the age of eight,...If everyone is fully human until the age of eight, would Ana really be 'the strangest creature' ever found, or would she be more like the the last kid in high school to go through puberty? Now if Rae and Arella were confronted with a fully-human adult, maybe a plastic-surgery enhanced exotic dancer, or a professional wrestler, then I'd understand calling her 'the strangest.' IMHOnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37704201618649414062015-08-28T11:58:09.774-04:002015-08-28T11:58:09.774-04:00Dump most of paragraphs one and three. The main pu...Dump most of paragraphs one and three. The main purposes of the query are to show that you have a good story and demonstrate your abilities as a writer. Where you grew up, your day job, what elements are similar to popular books, TV shows, and movies, and why you're contacting this specific editor aren't necessary. Your last paragraph should be the title, genre, word count, and possibly one or two comparable published books. If you have any previous publishing credits, this would be a good place to mention them.<br /><br />The comparison to Avatar also has me noticing the similarities between that story and yours beyond the unusual world: two kids, on their own because their dad is off fighting an evil ruler, team up with a person who is unique in the world, the dad ends up being captured. It's not too close for comfort, but if you bring up the TV show in the query, an editor who's familiar with Avatar might wonder if she's got repurposed fanfiction on her hands. Better to talk about your own story in a way that lets the query reader see how you handle friendship, fear and isolation, and the unusual world than saying it's like this, that, and the other.<br /><br />Queries usually start with the main character. Even if your book starts with Rae and Arella, you want to make it clear from the start of the query that Ana is the protagonist. So start with her and her situation. What's so bad about being the world's only human? Why does she think Rae and Arella can make her part human? Why do Rae and Arella need Ana's help after she rescues them from whatever unspecified trouble they were in? What is there specific goal and their plan to accomplish that goal?<br /><br />The remainder of the query gets very vague. Some of the items on the list of things that "complicate the journey further" are very general (curses, prophecies) and I don't know how the rest figure into the story. Pick three or fewer and describe more fully how they hinder Ana and her companions and what they do about it. I have no idea why Ana has to figure out who she can trust and what this destiny she has might be, so I'm not really hooked to the point where I'd want to dive into a synopsis right away. If you can get more specifics of your story into the query instead of the boring vague stuff, you'll increase the chances of editors actually wanting to read the synopsis and find out what happens.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24861945462722137442015-08-28T11:25:55.509-04:002015-08-28T11:25:55.509-04:00Cover art: You need to clarify whether these chara...Cover art: You need to clarify whether these characters are satyr-like beings or whether they still look 100% human but take on the powers and behaviors of animals (e.g. being able to breathe underwater like fish, having ESP like cats, hunting and eating small animals at night like coyotes). <br /><br />Hero: Whose story is this? Rae and Arella's, the two kids who want to get their father back and who fortuitously fall in with some future queen of the planet? Ana's, who is minding her own miserable business as a 100% human until chance takes her to her surprising destiny?<br /><br />Plot: Ana rescues Rae and Arella from the Red Guards. (Presumably, she risks much to do this, because the other side is bad enough and powerful enough to have provoked a rebellion, and yet you don't state her reasons). Then she joins Rae and Arella because she thinks that they can turn her into a half-animal. (Why would she think they can do this? Why does she want this? Just to be like everyone else?) Then they're all off on a journey and at some point Ana must figure out whom to trust and make a big decision in order to fulfill her destiny. (Where are they going, for what purpose? The father dropped out of sight ages ago.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com