tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post7777111814986703344..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 970Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77434439919348107502012-09-15T08:47:04.108-04:002012-09-15T08:47:04.108-04:00PS-
Anon, your continuation was sheer genius. I la...PS-<br />Anon, your continuation was sheer genius. I laughed for the rest of the day. Jo-Ann Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18027989147411624378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-44682400931294188982012-09-15T08:46:34.111-04:002012-09-15T08:46:34.111-04:00You're welcome!You're welcome!AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19711486519270217762012-09-14T18:30:49.244-04:002012-09-14T18:30:49.244-04:00All great points, thanks to those who continued an...All great points, thanks to those who continued and commented.Jo-Ann Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18027989147411624378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46108181750710132862012-09-14T17:26:00.272-04:002012-09-14T17:26:00.272-04:00I was put off by the line "I whooshed up, lik...I was put off by the line "I whooshed up, like there was a rocket strapped to my back, and burst into a sparkling blue-sky day." I really liked the whooshing up, and that she burst out into the day, but rocket description really didn't work for me. I also felt that "sparkling blue-sky day" was a little overdone. Perhaps it would seem less so if it were just a "sparkling blue day"?Stephanie Bittnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05190545055990592234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45938811773953986572012-09-14T15:54:07.478-04:002012-09-14T15:54:07.478-04:00AA, other genies hide 'em on the sly. There...AA, other genies hide 'em on the sly. There's this whole genie v. genie thing going on.<br /><br />On another note, I find anonymice confusing, so I'd like to offer the following monickers for their selection:<br /><br />Nine Dog Knight<br />Yelpin' Mo<br />Soxfan4evah<br />Writrix<br />The TodalAlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-17703918536605155812012-09-14T15:01:53.498-04:002012-09-14T15:01:53.498-04:00"My bottle popped open. I whooshed up, like t..."My bottle popped open. I whooshed up, like there was a rocket strapped to my back, and burst into a sparkling blue-sky day."<br />The memoirs of a cork?<br /><br />You don't need, "I guess he’d hauled my bottle out of the ocean." The preceding two sentences explain what happened. Fisherman plus fishing net plus fish equals hauled out of ocean. <br /><br />How do genie bottles always end up in such obscure places anyway? They're so incredibly valuable.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34613847285312370192012-09-14T15:00:05.600-04:002012-09-14T15:00:05.600-04:00I understand this and my only additional comment t...I understand this and my only additional comment to those here is that its too flowery for my tastes. Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18217202416002233005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-8539137359331802752012-09-14T13:33:01.442-04:002012-09-14T13:33:01.442-04:00What EE said. Rocket seems like a misplaced simile...What EE said. Rocket seems like a misplaced simile for several reasons. Also, a thing just dredged up from the seafloor would not be 'dusty'. Dust = dry dirt. Mud = wet dirt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60484869955534267472012-09-14T10:30:59.529-04:002012-09-14T10:30:59.529-04:00There's an anthology open right now that might...There's an anthology open right now that might be interested: http://ticonderogapublications.com/index.php/guidelines/dreaming-of-djinn Due Oct 15.150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36078351451487846992012-09-14T10:27:51.139-04:002012-09-14T10:27:51.139-04:00This sounds like a good start, assuming this is fo...This sounds like a good start, assuming this is for kids. <br /><br />Not that it's likely to bother the reader, but technically, I don't think a being whose natural state includes whooshing up into the air would think "like there was a rocket attached to my back." It's kind of like a bird thinking, I'm flying through the air like an airplane. Plus, "whooshed up" already conveys speed, so the simile isn't adding anything.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42656984107060995462012-09-14T10:11:37.843-04:002012-09-14T10:11:37.843-04:00The writing's pretty good; I particularly like...The writing's pretty good; I particularly like the descriptions of the genie flying. We can feel her joy at being free.<br /><br />However, there're a few things that derailed my reading here. The first is that, perhaps because of your rocket simile, I thought the bottle was some kind of flight device which, once triggered, fell into the ocean. Didn't twig till I got to the word "genie".<br /><br />Second, if you're up in the air, flying around, you can't smell the fisherman.<br /><br />And finally, if you're trapped inside a bottle, you're gonna have a lot of complaints, but dust probably isn't one of them.<br /><br />Other than that, though, a good opening and probably a good place to begin.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26300926066438452442012-09-14T09:55:14.764-04:002012-09-14T09:55:14.764-04:00Unchosen continuations:
And knowing my luck, he&...Unchosen continuations:<br /><br /><br />And knowing my luck, he'd want to be stuck in there with me. Naked.<br /><br />--Khazar-khum<br /><br /><br />Of course, I had not matched the good luck of my twin sister, Jeannie, who was freed by that nice Darren. No, my nearly toothless new master smelled only of old fish. But then, I'd been locked inside a tiny bottle for six centuries without so much as a shower, so, ya know...<br /><br />--anon.<br /><br /><br />He rubbed his stubbled chin, disbelieving. “New chompers?”<br /><br />“Done.” A snap of my fingers, and suddenly he was flashing a mouthful of Cary Grants. “Next wish?”<br /><br />He pondered the fish writhing about his feet. “A new boat. Sport fisher, flying bridge and all.”<br /><br />Another snap. “It’s waiting for you at the dock. One more wish.”<br /><br />He gave me a slow, studied look. “You’re a little cutie, you know that?”<br /><br />I'd heard it all before. “Take your time.“<br /><br />“Um... gimme a Visa Platinum, and let’s you and me do the town.”<br /><br />Snap. Whoosh. Happens every time.<br /><br />--jcwriterEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com