tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post7725633348364823651..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 1097Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83420821787409516572021-08-02T14:03:39.856-04:002021-08-02T14:03:39.856-04:00From just this, I would think the book was women&#...From just this, I would think the book was women's fiction, chick lit (is that still a category?), or romance. And even then, I think you might be starting in the wrong place.<br /><br />If the pizza bit is important to the plot, I would suggest moving it closer to where it's important. If all it is is world building/color, I would suggest moving it to a transition area where the MC needs to walk through the office or removing it entirely.<br /><br />You might want to try getting to plot, genre interest, or something a bit more engaging sooner.<br /><br />Congratulations on finishing writing a book.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81865408163901754082021-07-30T13:18:04.204-04:002021-07-30T13:18:04.204-04:00P1 et al: No need to capitalize cafeteria." D...<br />P1 et al: No need to capitalize cafeteria." Do you expect readers to like an MC who doesn't see the appeal of pizza?<br /><br />P2: You might replace "this job" with the job title, unless you're keeping it secret.<br /><br />P3: "of" her cubicle. Also, an armchair in a cubicle? Not too common, unless you consider armchair to mean any chair with arms. Google images sees it as a comfortable upholstered chair. None of their armchairs wouldn fit into the chair area under a desk.<br /><br />P5: Most sources consider snow globe two words.<br /><br />An office seems like a dull place to open the book--but if you give her job title, which includes something about the afterlife (see previous post), it becomes more interesting.<br />Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24246008516853550952021-07-30T13:17:08.394-04:002021-07-30T13:17:08.394-04:00Unchosen continuation:
Two minutes later she was...<br />Unchosen continuation:<br /><br /><br />Two minutes later she was in Tad's office. She held out the snow globe and asked, "What the hell is this?"<br /><br />Tad leaned back in his chair and gave what he probably thought of as a saucy grin. "That's me giving you the power, darling. Like it says, anything you want to do, you can do it." He wiggled his caterpillar eyebrows and added, "I mean anything."<br /><br />"Well, thanks Tad. I'm going to take this down to HR now and file a sexual harassment complaint."<br /><br />"But ... you can't do that!" he stammered.<br /><br />"Sure I can," Amelia said. "You gave me the power. In fact, I think I'll get you fired and take your job. If you end up homeless, I'll make sure you get a competent case worker."<br /><br />"You ... can't," he repeated.<br /><br />"I can," she said, brandishing the globe. "Says so right here. But maybe I won't ... if you get the cafeteria to start serving something edible, and stop being such a creep, and give me that raise you'd promised a dozen times and never delivered."<br /><br />Tad started to rise from his chair but Amelia drew back the globe and added, "Before you say you can't, let me just go ahead and give you back the power." She threw the globe at his head, where it bonked him between the caterpillar eyebrows before dropping, unbroken, in the plate of crappy pizza on Tad's desk.<br /><br />As she left the office, the tiny little man on his tiny little snowy mountaintop cheered her on with his arms raised.<br /><br />--JRMosherEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com