tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post7597630718332540041..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1349Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36408457903563623992017-04-27T09:27:05.762-04:002017-04-27T09:27:05.762-04:00I really like the query up to the paragraph that b...I really like the query up to the paragraph that begins "Kass' friends and neighbors..." See, we're in a context with a lot of ethnic and social tensions. You do a great job of addressing the ethnic tensions above, without being pedantic, but this part just read to me like Boring History Lesson. And I love history! (Though not necessarily this period of it). Perhaps you could use one sentence to introduce the strike, without having to mention every single group with a stake in the outcome?<br /><br />So it seems like you may have written this novel as a YA (?). How much does your protagonist age over the course of the book? Are you particularly tied to her being and staying 13? As written the story could easily be middle grade, but if you make her a few years older it could really enlarge your audience. As a reader I'm not too keen on kid protagonists, but this is VERY subjective. (I hated "The Book Thief," for example, so take what I say with a big grain of salt).<br /><br />Cool premise for a story. I would add that if you modify your query to make it YA, you may also need to rewrite your story with a more YA tone. Read up on what the YA genre is. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37183490727463139382017-04-27T03:36:37.680-04:002017-04-27T03:36:37.680-04:00If you have a 13 year old in a time period when ki...If you have a 13 year old in a time period when kids this age went to work in mines and helped support families, you may have a YA. Younger kids then took on more adult responsibilities and had more mature problems. I'd probably make it an adult novel only if you provide the points of view of adult characters as well, or if there is a lot of language and gore. As a last resort you could change the characters age. I realize that changes the mood of the story and many details.<br /><br />I pretty much agree with EEs suggestions. After you condense it, we really do need to have an idea of what she's seeing/hearing and why a girl in this time period with a history of insanity in the family wouldn't just assume she's losing her mind.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34174940857728927562017-04-26T18:48:43.938-04:002017-04-26T18:48:43.938-04:00Thank you both. I will have another whack at this....Thank you both. I will have another whack at this. I can cut the repetitions and the excessive piles of adjectives and questions--that's easy. I'll also try to put in the right details and get the query better focused--that may take a while.<br /><br />I am indeed uncertain of my audience. It's the sort of book I would have read as a teenager and would read as an adult. I've heard that YA requires older protagonists. I also think Kass is dealing with some issues YAs might be dealing with or looking ahead to; before she strike starts she's adjusting to the work world and also trying to keep a foothold among rapidly diverging groups of friends, and during the strike she becomes a major financial support for the family (since her dad is out of work) and is also suddenly responsible for making some rather dangerous decisions with no clear right answers... But the query doesn't make that clear. If I'm going to try to pitch this as YA I'll rework the query; otherwise I'll aim for adults and focus the plot another way.<br /><br />Thanks again.Joanna Hoythttp://www.joannahoyt.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88694441905430613082017-04-26T12:59:30.026-04:002017-04-26T12:59:30.026-04:00You've repeated yourself about the title and g...You've repeated yourself about the title and genre listing it at the top and bottom, you might want to pick one and remove the other.<br /><br />I know who the main character is and sort of know what obstacles are facing her. I'm a bit more confused as to what's at stake and/or what the plot goal is meaning either what the mc wants most for the length of the story, or what they end up with having gone through the events of the story. Maybe try making those things a bit clearer in your next revision.<br /><br />Good LuckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com