tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post7505545973344231933..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 605Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38781534579455703472009-02-22T16:09:00.000-05:002009-02-22T16:09:00.000-05:00He really does run away because of familial abuse....He really does run away because of familial abuse. However, he partially blames Kaia because the abuse worsened after she escaped, so when they meet again (she actually finds him), his intentions are to make her pay. He's torn between blaming her and blaming his family.Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38962815041275703822009-02-21T19:16:00.000-05:002009-02-21T19:16:00.000-05:00No, you don't need everything in the query. Knowin...No, you don't need everything in the query. Knowing Andrew's motive is enough. Or even just a stronger hint than that he isn't what he appears to be. Did Andrew really run away because of familial abuse, or is that just what he tells Kaia? Does he just happen to come across Kaia? If not, how did he know where to find her?Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91838573759644743392009-02-21T18:53:00.000-05:002009-02-21T18:53:00.000-05:00I see what you're driving at. This needs less "jac...I see what you're driving at. This needs less "jacket copy description" and more "details of what the hell is actually going on".<BR/><BR/>EE, Andrew is the son of the man who created Kaia, but having forsaken his family's empire as a young man, he has to capture Kaia to get back in daddy's good graces and inherit the family fortune.<BR/><BR/>Kaia is a werewolf several days out of the month, and she knows who her creator is because she spent the first eleven years of her life in a facility surrounded by scientists (including her creator), being studied alongside other other genetic projects. Besides the Andrew info, does any of this need to be in the query?<BR/><BR/>Neelloc, yes she is a murderer. She doesn't actually stay in Manhattan the whole time, she moves around, but I wanted to simplify things for the query. Maybe a mistake!<BR/><BR/>GTP #6, yes! I once made a political cartoon where a ferret was the superhero. Her name was Lucy Ferret. You think I'm joking but I'm not.Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-44414738955495546902009-02-21T01:28:00.000-05:002009-02-21T01:28:00.000-05:00Is Kaia a murderer, does she leave mutilated survi...Is Kaia a murderer, does she leave mutilated survivors, or such? If so, the authorities would be after her, which we can't see in the query. Do other minions think that should be mentioned, in that case? (I'm not being sarcastic; I'd like to know.) <BR/>This sounds like the sort of sci-fi/fantasy stuff I love to read!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19708809862753965022009-02-20T23:08:00.000-05:002009-02-20T23:08:00.000-05:00Eh. This isn't bad. I could stand to see some more...Eh. This isn't bad. I could stand to see some more details, and some zing in the wording.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10832689974556995642009-02-20T20:58:00.000-05:002009-02-20T20:58:00.000-05:00See, I just assumed that Andrew must be... a ZOMB...See, I just assumed that Andrew must be... <I> a ZOMBIE !!!11!</I><BR/><BR/>Author, you have a good start here and you've done a great job of introducing the story and the characters. When you rewrite, you might want keep an eye on those cliches, i.e. "lurking in the shadows", "scum of society", "innocent as a child", "isn't what he appears to be".<BR/><BR/>This reminded me of "Dark Angel," that tv show about a runaway super soldier who also happened to be Jessica Alba.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-43535126319205064992009-02-20T19:50:00.000-05:002009-02-20T19:50:00.000-05:00The story smacked a little of Wolverine of the X-M...The story smacked a little of Wolverine of the X-Men, but that might just be me. I can't vouch for how many people read comics as kids.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-5832552649728418312009-02-20T18:41:00.000-05:002009-02-20T18:41:00.000-05:00Could Andrew be...a REPUBLICAN???Could Andrew be...a <B>REPUBLICAN???</B>talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46055527529800143942009-02-20T13:35:00.000-05:002009-02-20T13:35:00.000-05:00Yes, either more on Andrew and what his agenda is,...Yes, either more on Andrew and what his agenda is, or more background on Kaia and why she'd want to go back and what grudge she harbours against her creator. <BR/>Actually if you built that up, you could perhaps drop Andrew to a teaser: stuff about K's traumatic past, how she rips out a place for herself on the mean streets but still is haunted by the past, when a mysterious runaway shows up and shows her how she can even the score / free her family / stop the mad scientists - but can she trust him? <BR/><BR/>Could be a good story. Reminiscent of Keri Arthur's Destiny Kills, so there's a market for 'urban revenge fantasy'.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-71659041065241502792009-02-20T10:27:00.000-05:002009-02-20T10:27:00.000-05:00I'm fine with this up to the point where you tell ...I'm fine with this up to the point where you tell us Andrew convinces Kaia to destroy Mr Werewolf Fabricator. This, and the nature of Andrew's true identity, need a lot more fleshing out, and as this is a brief query as it stands, you have room to add the details. Given what's already presented, I'm sure if you did this, you'd have a workable query. Seems like a solid story with plenty of scope and your overall tone is considered.Whirlochrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09846196906206886945noreply@blogger.com