tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post7185093383801352145..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 670Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90740815744463215882009-08-08T20:50:45.507-04:002009-08-08T20:50:45.507-04:00Very clever continuation! Loved it.
I like the op...Very clever continuation! Loved it.<br /><br />I like the opening, too, except for the fact that it's in present tense, which I find tedious to read for more than a few paragraphs. But it does seem like an intriguing set-up.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504439129670380071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78293683316000165402009-08-05T13:50:13.699-04:002009-08-05T13:50:13.699-04:00Oops.Oops._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77769661404636193702009-08-05T04:05:36.508-04:002009-08-05T04:05:36.508-04:00Thanks for the comments everyone and the continuat...Thanks for the comments everyone and the continuations are wonderful.<br /><br />I hadn't known about White Room Syndrome. Thanks 150 for the link.<br /><br />Dave, I do think I like Mtombe's dialogue the best.<br /><br /><i>*edits <b>"No, not like the others..."</b> as Rachel suggested.*</i><br /><br />And Rachel, I'm a <i>he</i> not a she . . . well not counting last Halloween when I dressed up as my friend Julie in her exercise gear.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20797442150038402852009-08-05T01:52:57.330-04:002009-08-05T01:52:57.330-04:00I agree with Dave that you could start somewhere e...I agree with Dave that you could start somewhere else and it would make this whole thing better.<br /><br />I also liked this line: "Whoever worked this magic is powerful." Makes me wonder who this guy is (or at least who he thinks he is).Adam Heinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225813532455467868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78970428606682634832009-08-04T22:13:53.105-04:002009-08-04T22:13:53.105-04:00Rachel, dear Rachel,
It's easier to present f...Rachel, dear Rachel, <br />It's easier to present funny as a critique than deadly serious. I think the dialog half of the opening is inspired but the first two paragraphs aren't. And why, because even with the white room opening, the single mention of GIANTS yanks the reader into the rest of the story. <br /><br />White room openings might be Turkey City but the rest is not. The white room served its purpose to reveal the better opening. It got rid of the blank page. <br /><br />DaveDave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42696179250365218122009-08-04T19:45:16.922-04:002009-08-04T19:45:16.922-04:00I know it's white room syndrome, but I like th...I know it's white room syndrome, but I like this.<br /><br />I think you could probably cut at least one of the last three sentences of the first paragraph.<br /><br />You don't need both though and correct.<br /><br />I'd prefer something more like: "No, not like the others. He knew their names." It sounds better, and less like he's going through a baby name book.<br /><br />Xiexie does have clouds, so it's not strictly a white room.<br /><br />You're being funny again, Dave, and I don't think those are what Xiexie had in mind when she wrote this._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89385731187401665922009-08-04T12:51:01.872-04:002009-08-04T12:51:01.872-04:00I am curious to know more about the story - which ...I am curious to know more about the story - which is what an opening is suppose to do. <br /><br />So nice job. <br /><br />vkwAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-58090069516719443662009-08-04T12:44:16.285-04:002009-08-04T12:44:16.285-04:00I would like this opening better than I do if you ...I would like this opening better than I do if you started out with the dialog. You have so many more possibilities than opening with a white room and straight jacket. <br /><br /><i>"Hey Doc, he's awake," Nurse Blodget yelled out to the central desk. <br />"He's still in restraints, I hope? I don't need another bed pan thrown at me." </i><br /><br />OR<br /><br /><i>Nurse Muttonthighs turned away from the straightjacket man strapped to the gurney and spoke in in soft tones. "Jack the Giant Killer is awake Doctor Shrimptoast." She listened intently for his instructions. The man on the bed does something. </i><br /><br />OR<br /><br />"Mtombe look, he's awake." <br />"The olde magick has crept into his bones. He will obey you in all matters, Misses Rivers." <br />"Good, I needed a new poolboy. Do I make the check out to Mtombe's Cute-Rate Voodoo Service?" <br />"Preferably signed in blood."<br />"There's none left..."Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27082708075665284172009-08-04T12:15:15.057-04:002009-08-04T12:15:15.057-04:00I was going to cry "white room syndrome"...I was going to cry "white room syndrome" and post in the link to Turkey City Lexicon, but the continuation author got there first...still, for the sake of Anonymous, who seems to be freaking out, here you go: http://www.critters.org/turkeycity.html150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90186565189606011202009-08-04T11:21:44.487-04:002009-08-04T11:21:44.487-04:00I really like this one. Good job, Xiexie.I really like this one. Good job, Xiexie.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26219851263776523352009-08-04T11:06:18.567-04:002009-08-04T11:06:18.567-04:00I found the Turkey City Lexicon. It's living ...I found the Turkey City Lexicon. It's living at critters.org these days.<br /><br />And, yes, White Room Syndrome was pretty much the first thing I thought of, too. If we're all thinking the same thing, there's likely to be a genuine problem here.<br /><br />A pity, because the situation seems quite intriguing. Giants? Possibly hallucinatory giants? Jaded though I am, I confess, I want to know more about this.Steve Wrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09836762265698458170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14357759638784184542009-08-04T10:21:14.172-04:002009-08-04T10:21:14.172-04:00OMG!!!! I was going to paste in a link to the Tur...OMG!!!! I was going to paste in a link to the Turkey City Lexicon for this author but the Lexicon is GONE!!! MISSING!! What diabolical fiend could be responsible?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90547653686838799692009-08-04T10:04:35.979-04:002009-08-04T10:04:35.979-04:00Books about vampires and werewolves and zombies ar...Books about vampires and werewolves and zombies are a dime a dozen but you don't see many books about giants. It would be amazing to find out all of these creatures exist, but especially giants, because how could there be giants and nobody know it? Maybe if they all lived on one remote island. I hope the book is about giants, but it's probably about some guy in a white room.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74825323522775208882009-08-04T09:56:27.004-04:002009-08-04T09:56:27.004-04:00Unchosen continuation:
"What, the incident ...Unchosen continuation:<br /><br /><br />"What, the incident that left size 600 footprints all over the car park? Yes, very probably."<br /><br />"Then he is a valuable intelligence asset," the man says urgently. "We must keep him immobile and sedated, under conditions of maximum security."<br /><br />"You do what you want. Just remember that this guy claims to be on first name terms with whoever turned the administration building into sixteen levels of sub-basements just by sitting on it. So do me a favour and don't piss him off until after my shift's over, okay?" <br /><br />--SteveEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com