tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6840786017185184873..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 800!!Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89536069149280426872010-07-28T23:43:23.555-04:002010-07-28T23:43:23.555-04:00What stops Bane from finding another is the fact t...What stops Bane from finding another is the fact that they are literally soul mates. -If she's killed, Bane will want to die as a means to punish himself for what happens to her,(not because he can't live without her). It would be a punishement to him, because once his immortal life is ended by a demon or another of his kind, he's obligated by a curse to serve Satan (something he doesn't want to do). The premise comes from the Bible and the book of Enoch, where God allowed a percentage of Nephilims to be spared from destruction, but thier spirits were to be bound to earth forever, forcing thier spirits to serve Satan as demons.<br />It's what many consider a true story, applied to every day life.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04365970636991748401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27052490306506940582010-07-27T03:31:55.055-04:002010-07-27T03:31:55.055-04:00Arhooley: I wrote GTP #5 ^_^
As for the query, I ...Arhooley: I wrote GTP #5 ^_^<br /><br />As for the query, I think it's just a wholly flawed premise, and needs to be considered more a learning experience than something that should be polished for publication.<br /><br />The idea of a demonic armistice zone is just nonsensical. Then you've got this demon who wants to kill the girl so the dude will "beg for death" yet wouldn't he just be really angry and want to get revenge on said demon?<br /><br />See, Twilight *cough* got at least one thing right: Edward can't give up on Bella because she's the only girl whose thoughts he can't read, making her the ultimate mystery, and unique in the world.<br /><br />What prevents this guy from simply saying, "Screw it." And walking off to find cheap hookers and beer?M. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35679056477997292072010-07-26T08:02:04.586-04:002010-07-26T08:02:04.586-04:00The revision has been forwarded to Phoenix. I'...The revision has been forwarded to Phoenix. I'll alert the minions when she posts it.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81219779104899066982010-07-26T05:07:50.456-04:002010-07-26T05:07:50.456-04:00Ok, my revision is a little longer-but I hope its ...Ok, my revision is a little longer-but I hope its better (hope!). If not, I have a really short one I worked on too. Also in regards to the title what do you think about Love's Awakening? Because this is a trilogy, the main name for all three novels is Redemption-but this first book’s sub-name is Loves Awakening, but if it's better to just pitch it as Love's Awakening, I can do that. I just didn’t want it to sound to cliché with the lovey dovey stuff because there is a lot of action. I’ll post revision in a separate post below.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04365970636991748401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-8790247643531772352010-07-24T16:06:39.601-04:002010-07-24T16:06:39.601-04:00I'm a little confused by Kings Falcon's ad...I'm a little confused by Kings Falcon's advice. If the query is well written, all the elements should come out, no? Both romance and fantasy?<br /><br />I don't really understand what the problem is (Why doesn't Reighlyn just let Bane's family come live on the land? Isn't the land supposed to be the one safe haven? Apparently it's not if the demons can get on it--if it's convenient to the plot).<br /><br />Also, I believe you may have written the world's first paranormal romance realty novel.<br /><br />I can tell you're going for a Twilight thing here (nothing happens but two people talking to each other for 300 pages until an event of some kind is shoehorned in at the end so you don't feel cheated) but frankly, I'm not very compelled by either R. nor Bane. Particularly not by R., who seems to do little in the story but be in the right place at the right time for Bane to A. need something from her B. fall in love with her C. have to rescue her.<br /><br />I like the notion of leading the reader on a bit with a little story about a guy who's trying to trick a girl into selling her his land, and then she falls in love with him, and then BOOM: They're actually in hell! Or something like that. But your query makes the book sound dead serious.Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-55156794689616642872010-07-23T21:15:59.075-04:002010-07-23T21:15:59.075-04:00The gender-non-indicative names of "Bane"...The gender-non-indicative names of "Bane" and "Reighlyn"* so threw me in the first sentence that I couldn't figure out who was cursed and who was accepting a risk. Is there a law against giving people normal names in paranormal romance and urban fantasy? (I expect an answer from one of you wags.)<br /><br />I know this blog is about queries -- the novel itself is done -- but I have to say, your world does have some bizarre rules.<br /><br />GTP#5 is my favorite.<br /><br />*Maybe "Reighlyn" is a girl's name, but I had to think about it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37937168730393584322010-07-23T18:15:56.565-04:002010-07-23T18:15:56.565-04:00What about Bane's family? He wants the Armisti...What about Bane's family? He wants the Armistice Zone so he can protect his family, but then they vanish from the story. Are they demons too? Maybe cut that mention of family, since they don't do anything in the query except raise more questions.<br /><br />The 'cursed to become a demon' thing is kind of confusing. Is it hereditary?batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30135809738497481382010-07-23T17:55:52.880-04:002010-07-23T17:55:52.880-04:00I didn't believe the "Geez you put me out...I didn't believe the "Geez you put me out of business and now I can forgive you for that and love you forever" in "You've Got Mail" either. <br /><br />EE's comments are on point. <br /><br />The first paragraph, which summarizes the story, caused me problems because you jumped back in time for the start of the second paragraph. Then when you pick up with Reighlyn later in the query, you start the story over again. <br /><br />Also, it seems like you're trying to cram a fanasty query on top of a romance query. Pick one. If this is a fantasy with romantic elements, focus the fantasic elements. If it is a romance with fantasy elements, then query it as a romance and don't dwell on the fantasic. EE's suggested query is on the mark for a romance query.<br /><br />Take a deep breath and try again. Writing the query is at least as hard, if not harder than writing the book. <br /><br />Good luck.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12237518808756712176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-71556790549190806782010-07-23T17:14:59.593-04:002010-07-23T17:14:59.593-04:00150 said...
'This isn't useful at all, bu...150 said...<br /><br />'This isn't useful at all, but I can't begin to tell you how much I hate the name "Reighlyn".'<br /><br />EE must not have liked it either as he decided to use Rayleigh in his GTP summary.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12692551714652411492010-07-23T15:26:21.748-04:002010-07-23T15:26:21.748-04:00Some people call me Maurice, 'cause I speak of...Some people call me Maurice, 'cause I speak of the pompitous of love. Anyway... <br /><br />Yeah, I'm not too thrilled with the name Reighlyn either, sorry. <br /><br />EE you crack me up. You had me at the Bane of her existence, you sly devil.<br /><br />Go with EE's words of wisdom. I don't have much more to say, and I probably wasn't very helpful. It's Friday for god's sake.angela robbinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07114119913653244467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74424269931551876422010-07-23T14:13:55.849-04:002010-07-23T14:13:55.849-04:00I hate the name Maurice, wait that name wasn't...I hate the name Maurice, wait that name wasn't in the query. Nevermind. <br /><br />EE's query is wonderful. Copy it and your done, and bonus, the book actually starts sounding interesting. <br /><br />May I suggest Keanu Reeves to play the dark, mysterious demon and Meg Ryan as the Reighlyn girl, in the movie?<br /><br />"penetrated his emotional wall of defense."<br /><br />There ought to be award for such long descriptive phrases whose meaning is basically ambigous.vkwnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83373709316095611932010-07-23T13:03:43.578-04:002010-07-23T13:03:43.578-04:00This isn't useful at all, but I can't begi...This isn't useful at all, but I can't begin to tell you how much I hate the name "Reighlyn".<br /><br />Put the revision in the comments and we'll look at it again. Good luck!150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15499642618592864182010-07-23T12:47:52.241-04:002010-07-23T12:47:52.241-04:00Interesting plot. Kind of a darker "You'...Interesting plot. Kind of a darker "You've Got Mail."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com