tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6743485536779211577..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1336Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75786388158263185102016-12-12T18:14:33.087-05:002016-12-12T18:14:33.087-05:00I don't consider the number of POVs a story is...I don't consider the number of POVs a story is told from essential information in a query. Most stories are told from more than one POV. Your goal is to entice them to request pages. When you send the pages, you can include a note telling them all about the POV characters. Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-80606813255972114602016-12-12T16:03:32.188-05:002016-12-12T16:03:32.188-05:00Author here! Thanks to all for the feedback; it’s ...<br />Author here! Thanks to all for the feedback; it’s much appreciated! <br /><br />To answer some of the questions:<br /><br />The King isn’t dying, but there is a ceremony on the future ruler’s 16th birthday so they have to figure out who that is. The twins’ birth had complications; Kyan was technically out first but Sayled drew breath before Kyan. There is a debate on the Council about the definition of ‘born’ and they're deadlocked in their votes, so the King comes up with the trials. <br /><br />Enna is one of the nine prisoners – the princes initially each pick seven, so they select the strongest-looking ones thinking the trials will be physically grueling. Then the King surprises them by letting them each pick two more, but Sayled gets to pick for Kyan and vice versa. Sayled picks Enna for Kyan because she looks small and weak, but she ends up being useful because she’s observant and can run fast. But the princes can’t recruit extra people to help them. The way I phrased it in the query wasn’t very clear though.<br /> <br />Some of the prisoners are awful people (and in fact Kyan sends one back to the prisons rather than have him compete) but Chelsea you’re correct that most of them are younger non-violent offenders that are just trying to eke out a living however they can. <br /><br />I will have to cut down on the amount of people trying to sabotage the trials in the query. My last line used to be “told in alternating points-of-view between the boy trying to win the crown and the one trying to stop him at any cost” and then I realized that wasn’t clear because it could be like three different people. And I need to work more on the magic as well, as that’s a big part of the book (only a small group of people can do magic. The King is trying to build an alliance with them but someone on the Council gets a few of them to turn. Whenever I tried to expand on the magic my query ballooned so I erred on the side of brevity. And perhaps sacrificed the clarity. Arrrrghhh….) <br /><br />If I take Enna out of the query, will the fact that it’s told in dual POV’s look weird when I haven’t mentioned her? I don't want the agent to get to the end and think "Who the hell is THAT?!" or think that Sayled would obviously be the other POV, but on the off-chance I get requests for sample pages I don't want them to read and think, "Why did she never mention this was a dual POV book?!" <br /><br />Again, thanks to everyone for taking a look and providing feedback. I’ll noodle on these suggestions and then post a revised version in the comments. And probably send in my first 250. You guys rock!!! If this ever gets published you’re all going in the acknowledgements. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26182234266619787722016-12-12T15:12:18.268-05:002016-12-12T15:12:18.268-05:00Knowing what these criminals are in prison for mig...Knowing what these criminals are in prison for might alleviate any worries about your MC offering freedom and wealth to people who are just going to use the offered riches to further fund their criminal enterprises once they're back on the streets.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34681692369453632132016-12-11T03:17:26.200-05:002016-12-11T03:17:26.200-05:00I feel you've buried the lede. We've gone ...I feel you've buried the lede. We've gone through the selection process, identical twins, criminals, and a boy who's really a girl, and then suddenly black magic, like it's an afterthought. I feel that if black magic is a possibility in this world it ought to be mentioned earlier.<br /><br />In fact, it seems odd to go through with a trial at all if anyone involved knows magic. Seems they could simply use magic to divine who the next heir should be.<br />It would be helpful to know how many people know magic. If it's super unusual I would get them being oblivious. If everybody and his brother know it, then they should have expected this.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16843819039675660872016-12-10T16:23:56.940-05:002016-12-10T16:23:56.940-05:00I love this. I would definitely request pages if I...I love this. I would definitely request pages if I were an agent. The writing was both clear and engaging, and the prisoner aspect added a fun twist to the princes competing for the throne storyline. Also, FWIW, I liked the stuff about Enn being Enna and Kyan being a skilled debater. I felt it gave a good feeling of conflict and character. <br /><br />I did have concerns about granting the criminals freedom and riches--IF they're violent criminals who would do terrible things with that freedom and money. Based on the details about Enna, I'm guessing the criminals are more likely teens who've stolen for their families (or something like that), so it’s not a huge issue. But I wonder if there’s some small way to clarify that in the query.<br /><br />Also, it felt odd that Sayled and Enna are no longer relevant in the final paragraph, when the rest of the query is centered around them. I wonder if there’s a way to tie them back in. I’m guessing Kyan has to convince Enna and Sayled to work with him to defeat the Big Bad (maybe he even uses the aforementioned debate skills?), and if that’s true, I think that might work better as your final line. Otherwise, you’ve set up Sayled (and his influence on Enna) as the threat for the entire query, only for them to drop away when the bigger threat comes about. <br /><br />Just my opinion, of course. This is definitely one of the better written queries I've read!<br />:)<br />Chelsea P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05640616327350485458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34819348157353963172016-12-09T13:28:04.035-05:002016-12-09T13:28:04.035-05:00It's nice that your MC will keep the kingdom p...It's nice that your MC will keep the kingdom peaceful while his brother might cause a war, but it seems irrelevant to both the plot of both princes directing prisoners and someone trying to kill them both.<br /><br />It might help to mention whether the trial thing is a longstanding tradition.<br /><br />The content seems to have a lot of death involved for middle grade. Knowing what the trials are (and possibly how they are judged) would help the agent know whether your categorizing your book correctly.<br /><br />Good LuckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79089119179056030562016-12-09T09:36:17.932-05:002016-12-09T09:36:17.932-05:00Another possibility, for the book, is to have the ...Another possibility, for the book, is to have the King as the only one knowing which prince was born first. But now his condition is terminal and he suffers from dementia. He can’t tell them apart and sometimes doesn’t know who they are. So the council arranges the trial to be completed before the King succumbs. Mister Furkleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156977719916770984noreply@blogger.com