tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6716139748628645759..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1251Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41105928350766875462015-03-04T04:45:23.777-05:002015-03-04T04:45:23.777-05:00That last comment is more interesting than the ent...That last comment is more interesting than the entire query.<br /><br />Basically, you're saying that they're a rapid-growth human experiment and the "sickness" is their cells disintegrating. That's good. You can do a lot with that idea.<br /><br />St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63341731132353197732015-03-03T11:13:37.750-05:002015-03-03T11:13:37.750-05:00Thanks for all the comments. The subject looks lik...Thanks for all the comments. The subject looks like a teenager, but she is only 97 days old. A doctors is trying to kill her and the others. They are a failed experiment and nothing is wrong with the outside world. I'll keep reworking this and post a new version. Thanks again.authornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53112425206752783252015-03-02T20:14:49.047-05:002015-03-02T20:14:49.047-05:00The whole woke up ninety-seven days ago in a steri...The whole woke up ninety-seven days ago in a sterile room beginning makes this sound like a different kind of story. the kind where a person wakes up in a strange place with no idea how she got there. But that doesn't seem to be what you're going for. 00EG417 waking up in her pod and how long it's been since that happened don't seem like relevant details as far as the query is concerned. Your story gets going when the power shuts off and the doors open, so you want to get to that as soon as possible.<br /><br />I'm not getting any sense of what 00EG417 is going to be doing for the rest of the book beyond trying to find a door. Presumably the bulk of your book is not EG entering a room, checking out the dead bodies, checking for doors to the outside, and repeating with the next room. Does she face a threat beyond the sickness that she's going to cure or escape from by getting to the surface that was so contaminated by the sickness that she and the other test subjects had to be locked up thousands of feet below the surface?<br /><br />Most of what you have can be condensed down, leaving room for you to flesh out EG and what kind of actions she ends up taking beyond looking for a door. What makes her the main character and the one who has to rescue the other test subjects?InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39045230396333523422015-03-02T14:15:02.508-05:002015-03-02T14:15:02.508-05:00The setup sounds like The Maze Runner. There's...The setup sounds like <i>The Maze Runner</i>. There's so many distopian YA books now! I guess it's the natural fall out of all those highschool kids who were part weredingo marrying the vampiric faekin.khazarkhumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29824875052364824812015-03-02T13:26:25.769-05:002015-03-02T13:26:25.769-05:00This query did not make me want to read the book. ...This query did not make me want to read the book. I have no sense of the main character's personality, which is absolutely key in YA. Is 00EG417 terrified? Arrogant? A coward who learns to be brave? Why do I care about her, vs. the kid who's puking blood? Right now, this sounds like a pitch for a computer game, not a query for a YA novel.IMHOnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-17892382492384553782015-03-02T12:59:01.836-05:002015-03-02T12:59:01.836-05:00It's perfectly clear that they live inside the...It's perfectly clear that they live inside the rooms and only leave when the power goes out; however, as you state that the MC is <i>locked</i> inside her room, we don't assume she's there by choice.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40546850766910616382015-03-02T11:27:03.072-05:002015-03-02T11:27:03.072-05:00Thanks, Evil Editor for the great comments. The su...Thanks, Evil Editor for the great comments. The subjects live inside the rooms, scared of the sickness and the above. They only leave the rooms because the power goes out. I'll add more detail to make this clear. Thanksauthornoreply@blogger.com