tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6650562756321831896..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 442Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29194956969856558862007-10-29T11:30:00.000-04:002007-10-29T11:30:00.000-04:00Something to consider that comes from your query. ...Something to consider that comes from your query. This may not be a problem in your book, but it does seem to be one here.<BR/><BR/>If the usurper has to kill Neska to get her tattoo and the powers that come with it, then did Neska kill the mage? Why didn’t the mage’s tattoo transfer to the killer? Why won’t the same debacle happen if the usurper kills Neska?<BR/><BR/>I’m assuming that the killer of the mage is one of the usurper’s minions and it somehow knows the tattoo went to Neska. That’s a lot of reading between the lines though. Is this how the king knows he has to target Neska?<BR/><BR/>Neska’s out for revenge for the murder of her clan (the buttercup bears a sword). As was said earlier – this is a popular theme in a lot of sword and sorcery books. Along with the newly found power, the stranger who helps her awaken it and all of the danger and loss that precedes the eventual success of the mission. So what does make this book different from those?<BR/><BR/>It’s hard for me to sit back and think that a book I wrote and poured so much of my soul into doesn’t stand out from the crowd. Alas, it can be all too true. Good luck!<BR/><BR/>SarahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32854079083691031692007-10-28T18:09:00.000-04:002007-10-28T18:09:00.000-04:00I have to agree with Phoenix. Why doesn't the prot...I have to agree with Phoenix. Why doesn't the protag go hide in a cave? Something is missing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48766001517365402322007-10-28T15:45:00.000-04:002007-10-28T15:45:00.000-04:00Hi Author:I must agree with WW. From the query, th...Hi Author:<BR/><BR/>I must agree with WW. From the query, this story seems to be pretty safe and generic. What's your hook? What about THIS story will make me want to pick it out of the slush of similar-sounding stories, whether I'm an agent or simply a reader?<BR/><BR/>Characters, plot, theme, and execution all seem standard fare as your query is written. Do you have something that stands out? If so, that something should go right up front as the attention grabber. <BR/><BR/>Now, standard fare in the form of characters and plot can still sell if you have a unique perspective. Perhaps if the mage who transfers his powers to Neska is somehow embodied in the girl and it's he who tells the story... Or maybe the story is told from the perspective of a talking dagger... Or maybe the narrator's voice is the hook. But something of that uniqueness must come through in the query. Right now, I'm afraid I'm not seeing anything in the query to distinguish it and elevate it out of the slush. I'm sure your story is good; it's just the query that needs another go.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86770977260400152632007-10-28T10:04:00.000-04:002007-10-28T10:04:00.000-04:00The plot sounds overused and possibly illogical ba...The plot sounds overused and possibly illogical based on the query letter. Also, the use of usurper is pretty funny...not what you need in a query.<BR/><BR/>Your story sounds like it could be a workable if slightly generic fantasy. Perhaps you can highlight what makes your tale unique and different from other epic fantasies?writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12495232206660226962007-10-27T18:36:00.000-04:002007-10-27T18:36:00.000-04:00You may want to work some poetry into your story.T...You may want to work some poetry into your story.<BR/>To help you, I've come up with a list:<BR/><BR/>U Surper<BR/>U Burper<BR/>U Feathery Chirper<BR/>U Big-Gulp SlurperChris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4292060706230867072007-10-27T18:27:00.000-04:002007-10-27T18:27:00.000-04:00I don't know much about writing good queries, so d...I don't know much about writing good queries, so don't have much of use to add, but I can say that the sentence --<BR/><BR/><I>The mage is killed, his magical tattoo appearing on her palms.</I><BR/><BR/>-- doesn't make sense. If the tattoo transfers from him to her after his death, maybe say:<BR/><BR/><I>The mage is killed and his magical tattoo appears on her palms.</I>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29775943417199388392007-10-27T13:37:00.000-04:002007-10-27T13:37:00.000-04:00I didn't understand the magic or the perils, eithe...I didn't understand the magic or the perils, either. They seem to be out of proportion, mismatched.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com