tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6343881042466108974..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 356Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41380160013598593792007-09-06T23:12:00.000-04:002007-09-06T23:12:00.000-04:00"It's a slam, yes, but not one you won't recover f..."It's a slam, yes, but not one you won't recover from."<BR/><BR/>On the other hand, Cordelia was way hotter than Buffy, so you could take it as a compliment.McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20168302377087160492007-09-06T21:30:00.000-04:002007-09-06T21:30:00.000-04:00If you have talent and persistence, I like to thin...<B>If you have talent and persistence, I like to think your work will find it into the right hands sooner or later, whether it sounds like Dickens or Grisham. If you want a big payday, it better sound more like Grisham. </B><BR/><BR/>EE--I'm glad you ended with this conclusion because the first paragraph with <B>Voice can carry an opening. But someone better die in the second 150 words, or we've got problems</B> (snarky or not) had me hyperventilating. Oy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-8498861891217839422007-09-06T19:02:00.000-04:002007-09-06T19:02:00.000-04:00Shall we count the number of times "was" and "had"...Shall we count the number of times "was" and "had" appear in the 2001 and Two Cities openings? :o)<BR/><BR/>My new mantra: It's all in the execution, folks.<BR/><BR/>Buffysquirrel, you are obviously not a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Buffyslayer?) (perhaps your locale has something to do with the availability of US TV shows?). It's a slam, yes, but not one you won't recover from. <BR/><BR/>Lightsmith, I think you'll do nicely here.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2776700647862869562007-09-06T17:40:00.000-04:002007-09-06T17:40:00.000-04:00Unfortunately, the CordySquirrel joke is completel...Unfortunately, the CordySquirrel joke is completely lost on me. But welcome back anyway :).nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3373321820938835202007-09-06T17:22:00.000-04:002007-09-06T17:22:00.000-04:00Thanks, EE.Thanks, EE.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51275383982945038052007-09-06T16:32:00.000-04:002007-09-06T16:32:00.000-04:00Funny, the opening that I can always bring to mind...Funny, the opening that I can always bring to mind as memorable is by Dickens in A Tale of Two Cities. But I confess, I never finished the book.<BR/><BR/>"IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88195993698745577062007-09-06T16:15:00.000-04:002007-09-06T16:15:00.000-04:00"When twenty-first-century necromancer Raevyn Moon..."When twenty-first-century necromancer Raevyn Moonchyld is targeted by a seemingly invincible Dark Mage, she summons up five of her selves from past lives to fight alongside her."<BR/><BR/>You know, lightsmith, this one could sell!writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-5657156272051046742007-09-06T16:11:00.000-04:002007-09-06T16:11:00.000-04:00If the author uses words well I will certainly get...If the author uses words well I will certainly get past 150 of them, whether it's description or action or dialogue. Voice can carry an opening. But someone better die in the <I>second</I> 150 words, or we've got problems.<BR/><BR/>What makes it out of slush depends on who's reading, but certainly the classics sell more copies today than much of what is published now. <BR/><BR/>There are so many people in the world now that there's surely an audience for anything decent. But the major publishers are looking for bestseller material. And smaller presses may not have the money for the marketing that gets the word out.<BR/><BR/>So tomorrow's classics may not be successful today. Not all of today's classics were successful yesterday, either.<BR/><BR/>I'm blathering. If you have talent and persistence, I like to think your work will find it into the right hands sooner or later, whether it sounds like Dickens or Grisham. If you want a big payday, it better sound more like Grisham.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82270590028438125222007-09-06T15:15:00.000-04:002007-09-06T15:15:00.000-04:00EE, what do you think constitutes a good hook for ...EE, what do you think constitutes a good hook for an opening? <BR/><BR/>Can it ever simply be voice-driven, with the voice carrying the promise of what's to come;<BR/> can a "hooky" opening simply imply conflict or trouble coming down the pike?<BR/><BR/>I wasn't here for the old beginnings - but I did see them. It was good to read through them.<BR/><BR/>Do you think one of the classics like "it was the best of times..." would make it out of the slush pile in today's market/publishing world?Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82925779571014998072007-09-06T15:14:00.000-04:002007-09-06T15:14:00.000-04:00I'd be curious to know some examples of published ...<I>I'd be curious to know some examples of published novels that achieve what you consider to be an ideal level of conflict within their first 150 words.</I><BR/><BR/>Replacing "no conflict" with "it didn't hook me" is a better way to describe my reaction. There are all kinds of things that can slurp me into a book, but this opening didn't have any of those and I thought finding a better place to start the story would be the fastest way to fix things.<BR/><BR/>As an example of a book that did suck me in, the first sentence of the foreword of Arthur C. Clarke's <I>2001: A Space Odyssey</I> riveted my attention to the page: <BR/><I>"Behind every man now alive stand thirty ghosts, for that is the ratio by which the dead outnumber the living."</I><BR/><BR/>It made me really want to know what sort of book needed to tell the reader a fact like that.<BR/><BR/>The first 102 words of Chapter 1 are also pretty great:<BR/><I>"The drought had lasted now for ten million years, and the reign of the terrible lizards had long since ended. Here on the Equator, in the continent which would one day be known as Africa, the battle for existence had reached a new climax of ferocity, and the victor was not yet in sight. In this barren and desiccated land, only the small or the swift or the fierce could flourish, or even hope to survive. <BR/><BR/>The man-apes of the veldt were none of these things, and they were not flourishing; indeed, they were already far down the road to racial extinction."</I><BR/><BR/>This strikes me as enough conflict. I know human beings survived, so after reading this, I'm really interested in the author telling me the story of <I>how</I> they did.jjdebenedictishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16950592240599703771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53776465658931479092007-09-06T14:42:00.000-04:002007-09-06T14:42:00.000-04:00You're new here, aren't you?You call yourself "Buf...<I>You're new here, aren't you?</I><BR/><BR/>You call yourself "Buffysquirrel," eh? You sound more like <I>Cordy</I>squirrel to me. And, yes, I do mean season one Cordy. Suh-nappp!!!<BR/><BR/>Just kidding. <BR/><BR/>Actually, I'm not exactly new to EE's blog. I initially started reading it back when Face-Lift 5 was first posted. Back then my display name was Altar Boy. Mostly I just lurked, but about a dozen of the old-school GTPs are mine, including these gems:<BR/><BR/>Face-Lift 6: TIERRA RED<BR/>1. Actress Tara Reid's self-titled autobiography, which she wrote, proof-read, and printed entirely by herself.<BR/><BR/>Face-Lift 130: BEYOND THE PAST<BR/>6. When twenty-first-century necromancer Raevyn Moonchyld is targeted by a seemingly invincible Dark Mage, she summons up five of her selves from past lives to fight alongside her.<BR/><BR/>Face-Lift 129: LIONS AND BUTTERFLIES<BR/>3. Due to poor cell phone reception, wedding planner Rodrigo misunderstands the bride's request that her outdoor wedding be surrounded by hundreds of dandelions and butterflies--with tragic results.<BR/><BR/>Face-Lift 115: EXPATRIATE I: CONSCRIPTION<BR/>1. 390 BC: Exiled from Rome on trumped-up conspiracy charges, Lucius Titus is enslaved and conscripted into the Gallic army. When the Gauls sack Rome, Lucius escapes and seeks revenge on those who wronged him.<BR/><BR/>Face-Lift 109: BARELY THERE<BR/>1. There's a guy who does some stuff, but then some other guy tries to stop him from doing the stuff, in a plot that is.....barely there.<BR/><BR/>Face-Lift 111: CHOKE THAT CHICKEN<BR/>3. Blind 14-year-old jockey Harry Palms pits his knobby-kneed thoroughbred "Choke That Chicken" against favored competitors "Spank That Monkey," "Slap My Hamster," "Rub the Armadillo," "Flog the Dolphin," and "Pet That Weasel" in a race to see which one will come first.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, I started to feel that contributing to EE's blog was siphoning away my energies from my own writing, so I took a long hiatus. But recently I decided to check out the blog again, and it happened to be right when EE put up that post saying "everything needed," and that brought me back into the fold. So here I am. :-)Lightsmithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00396366702192330680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48048032585032659522007-09-06T13:14:00.000-04:002007-09-06T13:14:00.000-04:00Oh my gosh. Ask me how much I hate the fact that B...Oh my gosh. Ask me how much I hate the fact that Blogger integrated with Google.<BR/><BR/>Actual link ahoy:<BR/><BR/>http://150words.blogspot.com/<BR/><BR/>This is why I always sign in as "Other".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21327601875179758012007-09-06T12:47:00.000-04:002007-09-06T12:47:00.000-04:00Author: I don't mind a story taking a bit of time ...Author: I don't mind a story taking a bit of time to get started, but I have to agree with the others who've pointed out the "as you know" syndrome here. <BR/><BR/>I also stopped cold at: <I>She put the neatly-folded cloak on one of the chairs.</I> What cloak? Did she bring it in with her? Did she pick it up and fold it while speaking to Ariashal? Sorry, but for me, that mysteriously appearing cloak took all my attention from the story itself. Sometimes, it's the little details that matter most.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77194868785997673992007-09-06T12:37:00.000-04:002007-09-06T12:37:00.000-04:00150: Can you share your profile? Your profile link...150: Can you share your profile? Your profile link is a deadend. Just how long-abandoned IS your blog? :o)Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18617204150921833342007-09-06T12:32:00.000-04:002007-09-06T12:32:00.000-04:00Follow the link in my profile.That would be nice i...<I> Follow the link in my profile.</I><BR/><BR/>That would be nice if your profile was available to the average reader.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-31460141151751617892007-09-06T12:31:00.000-04:002007-09-06T12:31:00.000-04:00Maybe if one substituted "I didn't feel hooked" fo...Maybe if one substituted "I didn't feel hooked" for "no conflict" it would make more sense for you lightsmith.<BR/><BR/>That's how I filter it for myself, anyhow.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54188373949987096692007-09-06T12:02:00.000-04:002007-09-06T12:02:00.000-04:00Ooh! Ooh! My long-abandoned blog has a few dozen 1...Ooh! Ooh! My long-abandoned blog has a few dozen 150-word openings from published books. Follow the link in my profile.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12231163003695562951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19404836984806199182007-09-06T11:42:00.000-04:002007-09-06T11:42:00.000-04:00Tension, drama and drama...EE did a number of post...Tension, drama and drama...<BR/><BR/>EE did a number of posts (more than 10) with OLD BEGINNINGS. The first 150 or so words from novels. <BR/>These are the first 4 posts. <BR/><BR/>http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2006/08/old-beginnings-1.html<BR/><BR/>http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2006/08/old-beginnings-2.html<BR/><BR/>http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2006/08/old-beginnings-3.html<BR/><BR/>http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2006/08/old-beginnings-4.html<BR/><BR/>You can find the rest of the posts in the blog.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60185428090290124572007-09-06T11:34:00.000-04:002007-09-06T11:34:00.000-04:00While they weren't chosen for conflict, the opport...While they weren't chosen for conflict, the opportunity to read about 100 brief openings to published works is available by searching this blog for "old beginnings".Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47566073773684694682007-09-06T11:30:00.000-04:002007-09-06T11:30:00.000-04:00For the people who have suggested that the author ...<I>For the people who have suggested that the author hasn't injected enough conflict in these 150 words, I'd be curious to know some examples of published novels that achieve what you consider to be an ideal level of conflict within their first 150 words.</I><BR/><BR/>You're new here, aren't you?<BR/><BR/>What would also be interesting is, regardless of the level of conflict, what books have grabbed people within 150 words? Sometimes when I start reading a book I feel myself relax, because the author obviously knows what they're doing and I'm in safe hands. I felt that with Sarah Waters' "Affinity", frex.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30878137439759490782007-09-06T10:47:00.000-04:002007-09-06T10:47:00.000-04:00For the people who have suggested that the author ...For the people who have suggested that the author hasn't injected enough conflict in these 150 words, I'd be curious to know some examples of published novels that achieve what you consider to be an ideal level of conflict within their first 150 words.<BR/><BR/>(P.S. I'm not asking for a list of 500 books. Just 2 or 3 will be fine.)Lightsmithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00396366702192330680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83130847276007980062007-09-06T10:27:00.000-04:002007-09-06T10:27:00.000-04:00Been a long time since I spewed coffee over a cont...Been a long time since I spewed coffee over a continuation. This one's great. <BR/><BR/>Better than the real opening, in fact. It's competent, but as Dave said, it lacks emotion or maybe conscience. It feels mechanical. It feels, um, shallow is not quite the word I'm looking for, but maybe like Ariashal has not really thought through her situation and what it means to people outside herself. <BR/><BR/>Note I'm not saying the story itself is flat, only that the opening left me that impression.Bonniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07895569211498067204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1239721739690873172007-09-06T09:22:00.000-04:002007-09-06T09:22:00.000-04:00I still have trouble with the five marriages.Three...I still have trouble with the five marriages.<BR/>Three I could take, but the idea that yet-another groom is eagerly climbing over the dead bodies of previous husbands piled in quick succession just beggars belief.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83248305801317544482007-09-06T09:07:00.000-04:002007-09-06T09:07:00.000-04:00McKoala likes it. She(?) reminds us to take off ou...McKoala likes it. She(?) reminds us to take off our hard SF, take-no-alien-prisoners hat while judging an Austen novel of manners. This beginning has no more ambition than to set a tone and establish a character. On the surface, this opening seems okay, if the defects mentioned by EE are corrected. But to keep McKoala happy, it should continue building up that world, richly. If there is a ninja or space alien lurking outside Ariashal's chamber door, the author has already lost his/her audience.WouldBehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17384050055381698411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68448982641942815612007-09-06T08:50:00.000-04:002007-09-06T08:50:00.000-04:00I also thought this lacked tension. It's a clear ...I also thought this lacked tension. It's a clear enough scene despite the "As you know, Bob" stuff. <BR/><BR/>However, the conversation is self-contradictory. On one hand, it implies that the curse is brought down by an unfinished dress: "You cannot start it under a cloud, not unless you want it to end like the others." Which conflicts with the unfinished dress being "bad luck" and "tempting fate" if it isn't finished-- which implies it only ADDS TO the problem, not that it IS the problem.<BR/><BR/>In short, the language of this conversation muddies the situation. It is not precise enough and confused me as to what I was supposed to take away from it. However, I think you can fix the dialog with editing and this can work fine as an opening scene. <BR/><BR/>And a nitpick: I have to say I did not believe this Lady is sewing her own dress, but I was willing to suspend disbelief for a bit, until you give me the rationale for such an activity. (It's fantasy; you can get away with almost anything if you explain it properly.)writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.com