tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5931259562351355103..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1092Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25999488385404651762013-01-04T10:48:44.743-05:002013-01-04T10:48:44.743-05:00Ditto with BuffySquirrel - I instantly thought ...Ditto with BuffySquirrel - I instantly thought 'Twilight' and Robert Pattinson and K Stew's twitching faces! EughKJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01660362587750281673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45638721678119880372013-01-04T09:31:38.187-05:002013-01-04T09:31:38.187-05:00This starts out as Iona's story but suddenly b...This starts out as Iona's story but suddenly becomes Ariston. And EE's right: he's about as irresistible as glasspapering your eyeballs.<br /><br />The first sentence instantly made me think: Twilight.<br /><br />Maybe if you establish that Iona was living in crime central, then we'd believe she finds dullsville Idyllic.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48535740653213924692013-01-02T22:06:28.829-05:002013-01-02T22:06:28.829-05:00You’re keeping secrets about the story. The main c...You’re keeping secrets about the story. The main conflict isn't clear. Why Iona is kidnapped and by whom, is not mentioned. What does Iona want and what does Ariston want? What destruction does Ariston intend. Why will he die if he doesn't do it? Who or what is stopping either from doing what they need or want to do? An agent or editor wants to know what your story is about before investing time reading any of it.<br /><br />You should drop most of the setup and focus on the main story problem. <br /><br />Maybe it’s just me but I hate anything that opens with a rhetorical question. It always smells like a scam artist at work. You may keep the ending secret and include a rhetorical question at the end. At the beginning, it’s annoying.<br /><br />I’d also worry about Ariston. The most popular romance novels for teen girls and young women have really scary guys in them. It seems to be werewolves, vampires and sexual sadists. If I were a young woman, I wouldn't be afraid of a wussy guy who reads sixteenth century poetry – unless, of course, you’re both trapped in an elevator for a few hours. (Total yuck!) At least give him a hockey stick and put him on the ice.<br />Mister Furkleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156977719916770984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24766134920920715322013-01-02T20:35:42.311-05:002013-01-02T20:35:42.311-05:00May I suggest starting on EE's blog:
Book Ch...May I suggest starting on EE's blog: <br /><br />Book Chat 41 Andrew Smith/The Marbury LensAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2196962261868340882013-01-02T19:11:42.323-05:002013-01-02T19:11:42.323-05:00Thomas More coined the word Utopia when he wrote t...Thomas More coined the word Utopia when he wrote the novel with the same name. It means "no-place." He invented it. Idylla, on the other hand, means just what is says on the tin. Idyllic. It's too obvious.<br /><br />Anyway, I find this to be one of the most cliche' queries I've read this year.<br /><br />Just so you know, "teenage kid suddenly discovers latent superpowers" was pretty much THE top cliche' of 2012. I suppose we can expect more of the same. Teenagers who are only part or half human was the second most seen cliche' in queries I read in 2012.<br /><br />"Teenager falls in love with celebrity and/or royalty" was somewhere in the top 10 of Young Adult cliche's, and I remember seeing "teenager is kidnapped" quite a bit as well. <br /><br />As far as telepathy is concerned, I've seen many, many variations on that theme.<br /><br />I'll give you this advice- Read. Drop off Harry Potter, Twighlight, and the Ember series at Goodwill and start reading everything else. You'll need classics, old-school sci-fi, and even some non-fiction such as philosophy. Read stuff you don't even like. <br /><br />Your ideas need to be coming from more diverse sources. You also should be reading "mature" works, mostly, even though you are writing YA. I'd be glad to make up a list to get you started.<br /><br /><br /><br /> St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75837668577153609632013-01-02T15:09:38.445-05:002013-01-02T15:09:38.445-05:00If Aniston is Aqualad, then he's definitely ga...If Aniston is Aqualad, then he's definitely gay.<br /><br />khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21967643419404904032013-01-02T14:58:53.556-05:002013-01-02T14:58:53.556-05:00Now I know why you didn’t ID the accent in the ope...Now I know why you didn’t ID the accent in the opening; it’s of a fictional place. I still think you should be specific and say Idyllean (sp?). It hints this is going to fantasy places.<br /><br />(Are you really attached to the name Idylla? Because it’s very heavy-handed.)<br /><br />Title is cute. The dilemma/stakes is opaque to me, however (even rereading without the blue text :) because it’s too vague. A dies unless he gets the magical thingy that’s holding Idylla together? In which case the island gets destroyed? How is that a choice – especially for Iona?<br /><br />Would also suggest you include a bit of I’s reactions/personality/innocent breathless love, as hard as it is to do that and also say what happens. For example, does she get kidnapped because she does something stupidly innocent like thinking she can win over her kidnappers? Does she think it’s better for a country to be destroyed over one person because of her idealism? Or the reverse?<br /><br />P.S. Dave has really good questions.Tknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61292576582535691932013-01-02T14:29:43.136-05:002013-01-02T14:29:43.136-05:00Please, please, please pay attention to the words....Please, please, please pay attention to the words...<br />This: <br /><i>Because each can survive only at the expense of the other</i><br />made me shudder. It's part of the Harry Potter Prophecy that the goofy divination lady popped out one morning and set the entire story forward. <br /><br />Ariston and Iona may fall into teenage love but there is no villain in this other than someone who kidnaps and nearly kills Iona. Why? And if Iona can read minds, sort of, doesn't she foresee this with her powers? If she can calm people, sort of, how about her kidnappers? <br /><br />It's the paranormal part of the story that's suffering because you're emphasizing the teen romance side. I'll bet that "Idylla" is chock full of paranormal people and is a hideout for them. Think about the story -- is Iona the meek and mild girl who becomes a kick-ass heroine or is she the rebellious daughter who eventually marries the prince or is she a dark avenging angel who delivers judgment to the wicked. <br /><br />My last suggestion is to cut five words from each page of your story and get that word count down. <br /><br />Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18217202416002233005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1881787579545945932013-01-02T12:12:34.601-05:002013-01-02T12:12:34.601-05:00MY DEADLY PRINCE CHARMING features a captivating, ...<i><br />MY DEADLY PRINCE CHARMING features a captivating, irresistible hero and heroine.</i><br /><br />Author, imagine a guy comes up to you and says "Hey, I'm captivating and irresistible. Wanna hang out?"<br /><br />It wouldn't matter if he was right or not. You'd think "Ew." There are things we don't say about ourselves, nor about our writing.<br /><br />Stay away from superlatives. Don't try to impress. Just tell us about the story.<br />AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.com