tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5890027475452630018..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 763Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40713230325218583432010-05-02T22:39:40.844-04:002010-05-02T22:39:40.844-04:00Rachel, that's a damn fine rewrite, whether it...Rachel, that's a damn fine rewrite, whether it matches the real plot or not. (Lindsay, are you on OWW? you sound familiar)batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84696200643733316322010-05-02T05:22:18.073-04:002010-05-02T05:22:18.073-04:00The tone and voice of the query should match that ...The tone and voice of the query should match that of the novel.<br /><br />The tone here reminds me of Piers Anthony. Problem is, Piers Anthony matched a light tone with light subject matter (I'll never forget the Vale of the Voles).<br /><br />Your plot has a very serious subject. Assassins, plots, bounty hunters, emperors, etc. It's difficult to pull that off with such a light tone, unless you're writing in 1st person and the protag is a light-hearted jokester herself.<br /><br />I don't understand the kiln being destroyed by fire either >_> The second you do something in a query that is inexplicable there's a problem. <br /><br />But agents don't want you to be their problem, thus the form rejection :PM. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-73863968931525373472010-05-01T02:34:42.551-04:002010-05-01T02:34:42.551-04:00Thanks for posting my query, Evil Editor, and than...Thanks for posting my query, Evil Editor, and thanks for the suggestions, folks.Lindsay Burokerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07955277387824031696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6519196811179671262010-05-01T01:33:32.147-04:002010-05-01T01:33:32.147-04:00Now there's a funny story. A city with such a ...Now there's a funny story. A city with such a high crime rate the government issues bounties to the criminals if they are willing to turn themselves in and endure jail time.<br /><br />Or maybe they just use the bounties to buy their way out and go back to their life of crime.<br /><br />A never ending cycle of doom.Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3854939568421145842010-05-01T00:38:53.086-04:002010-05-01T00:38:53.086-04:00There's so much overwhelming her that I'M ...There's so much overwhelming her that I'M getting overwhelmed. I'm definitely interested, but it would help if you pared things down a bit.<br /><br />I like the voice here--for example, the dryness of "a tad overwhelmed." Just a thought, but could you later say the bounty on her head is so big she almost considers turning herself in? I think it'd be funny, though I could be wrong.<br /><br />I say pare down on what you have and elaborate on what happens after she starts working with this killer. Maybe:<br /><br />---<br />When arsonists, monsters, and conspirators set out to both destroy the capital city and kill the emperor she's vowed to defend, Amaranthe feels just a tad overwhelmed. Even so, she sets out to find whoever's behind it all.<br /><br />Unfortunately, whoever's behind it all thinks she's a threat and starts pulling strings. Now the city thinks Amaranthe's a criminal, and the bounty is so large even she's tempted to turn herself in.<br /><br />But there's one person in the city who doesn't care about the reward, and it's not who she expected: it's Sicarius, the assassin. He has an uncharacteristic interest in keeping the emperor alive. He's also ruthless, coldhearted, and a valuable ally. He actually listens to Amaranthe's crazy schemes. Together, they'll either save the city or start a civil war.<br /><br />The Emperor's Edge is a fantasy novel, complete at 105k words. I would be pleased to send it for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />---<br /><br />Or something like that. That's not one of my better query revisions._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42915655585302697872010-04-30T22:42:07.389-04:002010-04-30T22:42:07.389-04:00And I'd like to know why the heroine is named ...And I'd like to know why the heroine is named after a South American grain.Tom Bridgelandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13098048586042365606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69330340991133954112010-04-30T20:38:52.581-04:002010-04-30T20:38:52.581-04:00I think there is a story here. I can see it wants...I think there is a story here. I can see it wants to be told but you are not doing it in your query. <br /><br />I don't like the coffee canister part. <br /><br />We need to know more about the mysterious monster. <br /><br />"annoy the wrong person" sounds like she pokes someone or wears too much perfume. <br /><br />I think I would specify exactly what that means. Does she get too close to solving the mystery or finding the culprit. <br /><br />"bounty lands on her head?" really? maybe the baddie, whoever that is, puts a bounty on her head because she is getting to close to revealing who he is and what he's up to?<br /><br />And it goes on. . . start over. I believe there is a story here but right now I don't know what it is.vkwnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52609187258219776722010-04-30T14:18:40.264-04:002010-04-30T14:18:40.264-04:00Is Sicarius the emperor's long lost brother or...Is Sicarius the emperor's long lost brother or something? Is that why he wants to keep the emperor alive?E.D. Walkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03002135496669838071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77826629833700166262010-04-30T14:14:45.959-04:002010-04-30T14:14:45.959-04:00Yeah. An assassin not taking advantage of a bounty...Yeah. An assassin not taking advantage of a bounty is like a writer not taking advantage of being trapped in an elevator with a publisher. <br /><br />Seems like there is a story here, just not coming out through the query because you're bogged down in the wrong details. What does the protag want? What's standing in her way? What happens if she fails?<br /><br />Agents and editors don't take well to having "mysterious elements" like your kiln thrown into a query and not explained. Focus on your character.Stephen Prosapiohttp://www.prosapio.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52347125837512894812010-04-30T13:28:36.909-04:002010-04-30T13:28:36.909-04:00"...a bounty lands on her head." I'..."...a bounty lands on her head." I'm sorry, this is not helpful, but that left me with the image of a roll of paper towels bouncing off her head, and the woman looks up and screams, "Anacronism alert!"<br /><br />In a more helpful vein, you are compiling a list of lists in this letter. Perhaps reduce that a bit. I don't think this is such a bad letter, but it's so full of stuff that I don't have a feel for what the crux of the matter is, and my eyes are glazed over from trying to digest all this information.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26122079233575819972010-04-30T12:09:30.242-04:002010-04-30T12:09:30.242-04:00PS Can "chilled", "awed", &quo...PS Can "chilled", "awed", "intrigued", and "tickled" work in one sentence? I'm in awe. I wouldn't have the courage to drive that one anywhere soon. B.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33336777000190388692010-04-30T11:58:10.788-04:002010-04-30T11:58:10.788-04:00Why would an arsonIST destroy a kiln?
A "tad...Why would an arsonIST destroy a kiln? <br />A "tad" overwhelmed? I am not getting this but some days I don't get much. This is one of those days. She uses blades and coffee cans eh? Wow. What is a myterious creature? I have them on my walls and climbing around my balcony. Mine are small and eat bugs. What do yours do? If I were you I'd listen to Evil. A lot. <br />Good luck. <br />BibiAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90612603943577765742010-04-30T11:29:33.589-04:002010-04-30T11:29:33.589-04:00The story sounds great.
Just clean up the query.The story sounds great.<br />Just clean up the query.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.com