tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5855936981357998034..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 490Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-57919850468230195712008-02-15T09:28:00.000-05:002008-02-15T09:28:00.000-05:00Yeah, anon, but do any of them end with her LOSING...Yeah, anon, but do any of them end with her LOSING EVERYTHING?<BR/><BR/>I'm hoping the author stops by and clears things up a little. I'd like to know what's behind all this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34557347338928406872008-02-14T00:49:00.000-05:002008-02-14T00:49:00.000-05:00I think that this would work as a category romance...I think that this would work as a category romance. <BR/><BR/>In 1983.<BR/><BR/>We simply don't know enough about the motivations of either character. I don't think Benwah's theory will work, because she has kids. Why did she let him move in? Did she need the rent money?<BR/>He wants her in his bed, but is she attracted to him at all? Can't she threaten him with eviction or a charge of sexual harassment?<BR/><BR/>How does he cause this woman to show up? What's the big threat? Hey! Maybe he really IS Elisha and she's the ex-wife and mother of the kids! Benwah was right all along.<BR/><BR/>Why will marrying Garrett remove the threat? The usual scenario for a romance novel (albeit a somewhat outdated plot device) is to have the antagonist an Other Woman who wants the hero for herself. Marrying him seems the worst possible way for Elissa to disarm her.<BR/><BR/>And I fail to see how, in a contemporary novel, anyone could "take away everything Elissa holds dear" without extensive legal proceedings. Or possibly a Mafia hit.talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30657227932139842892008-02-13T20:25:00.000-05:002008-02-13T20:25:00.000-05:00I'm interested to know what house you're targeting...I'm interested to know what house you're targeting with a 60K word count, unless it's for an e-pub (which is fine, just wondering).<BR/><BR/>Okay, this is a wreck, but fixable.<BR/><BR/>She wants:<BR/>________ <BR/>________ <BR/><BR/>He wants:<BR/>________ <BR/>________ <BR/><BR/>Instead, she finds ________ and he discovers _______. They _______ to find their happily ever after.<BR/><BR/>I do read and write romance, and this query, as it is, doesn't make a lot of sense to me but I think it'd be easily fixed.Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17083327647412477394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60631552616154541582008-02-13T20:23:00.000-05:002008-02-13T20:23:00.000-05:00I like benwah's idea and sarah's revision. Elisha ...I like benwah's idea and sarah's revision. Elisha used to be Edgar. <BR/><BR/>We need more specifics about Elisha and her behavior. We need to know her deep, dark secret. That's the key to the plot.<BR/><BR/>EE made a very good point. One thing that seems to be tricky about query letters is that it's easy to try to play (for lack of a better term) 'hide the salami.' You're trying to get the editor/agent's interested, so you do what the back-cover copy author does: you tease. (It could also come from reading a lot of back-cover copies.) But you want to do the opposite. Editors and agents need to know exactly what the book is about in order to take another step.<BR/><BR/>Listen to me going on and on. I haven't even turned in a query letter yet.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365582623380288038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48261856838539566922008-02-13T15:45:00.000-05:002008-02-13T15:45:00.000-05:00You have good external tension/conflict, but where...You have good external tension/conflict, but where's the internal? In a romance both parties need to have a reason for not wanting to be together. If the whole story is Garrettio simply trying to seduce Elissa, and her saying Nonono, it's a bit bland for romance. There has to be a reason why he doesn't want to give in to his feelings for her.Staciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07969399927758009095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14164879020787885422008-02-13T13:55:00.000-05:002008-02-13T13:55:00.000-05:00Does Elissa have herpes or something? I can't figu...<I>Does Elissa have herpes or something? I can't figure any other reason to not have sex with your husband.</I><BR/><BR/>Whoa. I can think of a whole <I>bunch</I> of reasons.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48048966662790102662008-02-13T12:32:00.000-05:002008-02-13T12:32:00.000-05:00I can understand a set up for the romance that, in...I can understand a set up for the romance that, in the real world, would be ridiculous. It'll fly most times in a category romance. but the letter doesn't give us the set up (why he moves in) and the reason she has to keep him at a distance. What's the big secret, and all you tell us is "Elissa is forced to made a decision, hide the past or find the strength to accept love and the risks involved." <BR/><BR/>Perhaps give us the pivotal points, such as she was obligated in some manner to let him stay (big snowstorm blocks the pass or similar) and why her big secret is so dire (she had a love child by his dead brother maybe?) and etc. <BR/><BR/>These letters are hard to write, but it sounds like there are good bones to the story.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20219358061643873482008-02-13T12:08:00.000-05:002008-02-13T12:08:00.000-05:00Does Elissa have herpes or something? I can't figu...Does Elissa have herpes or something? I can't figure any other reason to not have sex with your husband. I also have no idea how you can force a marriage like that in a contemporary novel, but whatever, maybe if you give us details it'll make sense. The problem with the vagueness is that, as written, Elissa sounds like a first-class idiot. Now, if the book's about a woman who made a mistake and is now living with AIDS, who didn't want any sexual temptation but the only live-in plumber available is hella sexy, who has to marry by Tuesday or her presumed-missing sister takes back all of her inheritance--that's a woman I could support.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18390960953171284582008-02-13T12:06:00.000-05:002008-02-13T12:06:00.000-05:00I don't know too much about romance. I've read a f...I don't know too much about romance. I've read a few and they all seemed to have the same story. Hopefully that's changed over the years. Anyway, here's my take on the query.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Elissa Bellaire is a woman with a secret she plans to keep at all costs. But can she keep that secret when she agrees to let Garrett Chambers move into her big rambling house to live with her and her boys. He’s way too good looking and the boys adore him.<BR/><BR/>Garrett’s dangerous all right. He wants her in his bed and sets about accomplishing his goal. Elissa is resistant to his schemes and finally, in desperation, he proposes marriage. Then Garrett brings in the one woman who can take everything Elissa holds dear. This forces Elissa’s hand because this woman knows Elissa used to be Edgar. Elissa is forced to accept a quick marriage of convenience.<BR/><BR/>But Garrett’s not interested in convenience. He loves her and wants her. And that’s when the real problems start. Elissa can’t consummate the marriage for fear of losing everything. With sexual tension rising between them, Elissa is forced to make a decision, hide the past or find the strength to accept love and the risks involved.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12925128066106500762008-02-13T11:34:00.000-05:002008-02-13T11:34:00.000-05:00I have a sneaking suspicion that Elissa is actuall...I have a sneaking suspicion that Elissa is actually an Elisha (or Eliot or Edgar) and that's the secret that to consumate the marriage would expose. Barring copious amounts of alcohol and blackout curtains, of course.<BR/><BR/>You begin the query by stressing that Elissa has a great big secret that requires protection at all costs...and the first action we see her take is to invite a stranger to live with her. That weakens "at all costs."<BR/><BR/>Perhaps I'm mis-reading the start of the third paragraph. Garret causes another woman to show up? If so, does she have a name? How does her arrival force the marriage?<BR/><BR/>w/r/t exploding sexual tension: Sexual tension exists precisely because there are no explosions. That's what creates the tension.EBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14361825595951678685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52430306125899069922008-02-13T10:16:00.000-05:002008-02-13T10:16:00.000-05:00Is this the way characters typically act in Romanc...Is this the way characters typically act in Romance genre? I'm not able to comprehend the action here, but for all I know there's some segment of Romance readers who wouldn't have that trouble. However, the text is woefully thick with errors. I think if you used WORD, you could run the grammar checker and it would help you fix many of them, but it looks like you need a buddy who can proofread for you. You'll probably have to marry them afterward, but that's not to high a price, is it?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com