tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5751851527817519269..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1159Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51331875817897874942013-10-27T22:11:11.805-04:002013-10-27T22:11:11.805-04:00Alpha Parker,
First, I had to laugh at the phrase...Alpha Parker,<br /><br />First, I had to laugh at the phrase "The logic is defiantly there" in your comment. This is a good example of why things like spelling are important.<br /><br />Second, if you don't consider yourself a writer, then why do you think anyone would want to spend money or time on your story (either publishing it or buying and reading it)? I'm not a heart surgeon, but I know how to cut steak, so would you let me perform heart surgery on you? What if I have a professional to talk me through it? Sorry, but it really annoys me when people who don't care enough to put the time into learning the craft of writing act like as long as they can string enough words together, they can get a book published. Either you are a writer or you aren't. If you are, put the time into learning the craft until your story is <i>worth</i> publishing. (Or until you come up with a story that is.) If you're not a writer, then either move on and stop spending time on what is basically a casual hobby or just self-pub so your friends/family can have copies of your story. Writing is a profession. It takes skill and knowledge. Either put the time in to get good enough to join the ranks of professionals or leave the hobby in your home life where most hobbies belong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13623969729044626462013-10-09T14:35:29.160-04:002013-10-09T14:35:29.160-04:00Hi Author,
Well, it's good to hear your enthu...Hi Author,<br /><br />Well, it's good to hear your enthusiastic appreciation of our feedback. So, in the spirit of being honest...<br /><br />I am not published, but I know that getting a novel published is a long, hard slog. And writing a novel to a level worthy of publication requires years of skill-building, trial and error, study, etc. You say you're not a writer, but that you're excited about this story and want it to find a home. <br />If you're really not interested in learning the craft of writing, I'd suggest hiring (note--you pay them) a one-time editor who'll help you shape this one manuscript and then self-pubbing it. <br /><br />The hard truth is, agents and editors are likely not dying to sink a ton of their time into fixing up your manuscript which may or may not make them any money.<br /><br />Story-telling may be your passion, but publishing is a business.<br /><br />This is not to discourage you if you are interested in developing your writing skills, but just know that it will probably take a long time and spelling/grammar is just the beginning.Kelseynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75511815285223317452013-10-09T14:28:16.485-04:002013-10-09T14:28:16.485-04:00If he's gonna wipe out every human, what's...If he's gonna wipe out every human, what's the point of first telling humans he's the sole ruler of anything? <br /><br />You don't need to explain the history of the universe or anything else that would take a lot of space. <br /><br />A space alien lands on Earth and releases enough vicious dog-like creatures to wipe out the whole of humanity. Now it's 14-year-old Parker Rhodes to the rescue! <br /><br />There's your plot in two sentences. You may add up to eight more to provide additional detail. <br /><br />It seems to me Parker should be the one who discovers how to kill the aliens, not Billy. I don't see that Parker is bringing anything to the table.<br /><br />Sending us the query to get feedback on the plot is okay, but continuing to work on the query when the book needs a lot of work is putting the cart before the horse. Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26971827793026724522013-10-09T11:27:28.837-04:002013-10-09T11:27:28.837-04:00Hello, I am the author of The Adventure of Parker ...Hello, I am the author of The Adventure of Parker Rhodes<br /><br />Thank you guys so much for the feedback, I am currently working to get all of your suggestions into my query while keeping a decent length. The issue I am running into is there is so much important information in the book it is hard to include it in the query (ex. The book follows Parker and General Carter separately, with them having separate but equally important experiences). Also a lot of the concerns brought up are explained in the book but they are either too in depth (ex. The reason the Omega feels he can proclaim himself as the sole ruler of the Universe is because long ago the Universe once flourished with resources *water, life, plants, oxygen* but a Universal war broke out and destroyed many of the planets resources turning the Universe into what we know today. Since humans were not advanced enough to join the war Earth was spared and all of its resources were left intact. The problem is as time went on the other planets forgot where earth was located. The beings of the other planets could use Earths, which was named amongst the planets as “the seed”, resources to gradually restore the universe to its former glory by distributing the resources to the other planets in the universe. Legend also spoke of a leader who would rise up and over see this restoration and prevent the planets from falling back into a universal war. The Omega, who discovered the seed, felt humans were wasting the earth’s resources with pollution and not living up to our calling decided the best thing to do for the universe is destroy us which is why he left to go get reinforcements) or I didn’t feel relevant enough to include because it would make the letter too long, (ex. The army men coated their bullets with the melted toy plastic which is how the bullet mistakenly shot Parker) and EE said it is long enough already. <br />The logic is defiantly there my challenge is including all of this information in a format less than a page, in order for the book to make sense all of it has to be there and that’s proving difficult. As far as grammar and punctuation goes, I agree wholeheartedly. I am not a writer, and I am in desperate need of an editor which I am in the process of trying to find. I just have a cool story to tell that is very in depth and fun, a story my nieces and nephews love to hear me tell and I feel it is something special I just need to get it to a place where people will pay attention to it.<br /><br />Again, I thank you all for the help. Your straight forward critiques is exactly what I needed, friends don’t want to hurt your feelings so they turn into “yes” men. I need someone to say “that’s stupid” when its stupid and you guys have definitely done that. Keep it coming any help I can get I welcome it.<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02641950992158139153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47760359408997829502013-10-08T15:57:47.793-04:002013-10-08T15:57:47.793-04:00Author--when you say they've 'forgotten Om...Author--when you say they've 'forgotten Omega', do you mean they've forgotten what rat bastards they are and are only recalling the good things? This sort of thing does happen with unfortunate frequency. If that's the case, it needs to be clear.khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-80452876418403552732013-10-08T11:14:00.181-04:002013-10-08T11:14:00.181-04:00Unless, of course, you literally are a child, in w...<i>Unless, of course, you literally are a child, in which case you must state your age. Then it will be a selling point.</i><br /><br />This isn't quite true. Agents and editors won't pick up a book from a 14-year-old that wouldn't make it to at least last-stage consideration from an adult. However, they are more likely to offer constructive criticism or a gentle rejection if they know you're a minor.<br /><br /><i>Parker Rhodes is a 14 year old boy from the small town of Wakesville, MD who is having one of the best days of his life. He just got accepted into the high school of his dreams and had an encounter with Danielle Rochester, a girl he has had a crush on since the 6th grade, but soon the day would take a turn for the worse.</i><br /><br />So much of this is unnecessary information that I'd assume the whole book is the same. I'd prefer something like:<br /><br /><i>Parker Rhodes is having one of the best days of his life. He just got accepted into the high school of his dreams and finally said hello to Danielle Rochester.</i>150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88900643845022655152013-10-08T02:42:05.962-04:002013-10-08T02:42:05.962-04:00"Author"- Go to your Gmail and find &quo..."Author"- Go to your Gmail and find "Account". You may have to click on your avatar. It will depend on which browser you're using.<br /><br />Your account page will come up. You should be able to edit your profile and nickname on the right side of the page.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63611193188031586412013-10-07T22:58:51.938-04:002013-10-07T22:58:51.938-04:00I second Victoria Rundell's congratulations on...I second Victoria Rundell's congratulations on getting your first novel off your chest and into print. Now for some questions from a reasonable outsider who hasn't been able to live in your head, where your story is logical and fully explained.<br /><br />What becomes of Danielle? She's the best part of Parker's day and the object of his longstanding crush, but when the aliens come, Parker forgets all about her and sets off to find his mom. If Danielle is not a driving force in Parker's efforts against the aliens, you can take her out of your query.<br /><br />Also, I think you could rein in or perhaps define the Omega's ambitions. Sole ruler of the universe? Just one guy? The Milky Way alone is about 100,000 light years wide, and this Omega wants the entire universe? A scope this unimaginably huge might have less impact rather than more. It would be menacing enough for me if the Omega was a roving intergalactic bully who declares himself the boss of every planet he touches down on. That's all that's necessary for him to threaten everything I care about and all the devastation my imagination can encompass.<br /><br />By the way, it's kind of inconvenient for the purposes of this blog that I called myself "Author" when I got a google account. I can't figure out how to change it. Anyone?J.M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11243899014416529945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49393343620910329152013-10-07T21:33:43.550-04:002013-10-07T21:33:43.550-04:00I'd like to go over some things EE has already...I'd like to go over some things EE has already said. These things also jumped out at me. I just want to show he isn't the only one who notices these things.<br /><br />First, it is a synopsis of the story. A query letter must be shorter.<br /><br />The many mistakes are noticeable and distracting.<br /><br />I also noticed the part where they still hold the alien in esteem but have forgotten about him. You can't do both at the same time.<br /><br />Other things: Phthalates are found in much more than children's toys. They are found in cleaning products, personal grooming products, fragrance additives, and consumer products such as shower curtain liners. Naturally they are also present in the environment due to manufacturing. So it seems unlikely to me that an alien with a deathly allergy to phthalates could last a day here.<br /><br />Other really common chemicals/ environmental toxins: Glyphosate (Round Up), chlorine, fluoride, BPA, flame-retardant chemicals, chemical fertilizers, mercury, cadmium, barium, parabens. There's also way more radioactivity due to nuclear waste material than we've been led to believe. (In a couple of generations, we'll easily be able to tell Japanese people from other Asians by the extra arms.)St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51618388115999122922013-10-07T21:30:32.954-04:002013-10-07T21:30:32.954-04:00I never quite figured out if I liked the story or ...I never quite figured out if I liked the story or not. Mostly, it was the missing and misused apostrophes that distracted me. And I’m not an agent or an editor. If it tripped me up that much, imagine what it must be like for those agents, editors, and publishers whose lives and livelihoods are devoted to putting words on a published page.<br /><br />You may have a good story. From what I’ve read, I think maybe you do. Just keep in mind, there are many other writers who have good stories, too. If their grammar and punctuation is better than yours, which one do you think those who can get your story published would choose? Give yourself the same advantage by doing a little homework so that your story shines, instead of just letting your punctuation glare.<br />jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17956891424819530906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47333089130220135292013-10-07T16:04:05.943-04:002013-10-07T16:04:05.943-04:00Lose the last paragraph. It makes you sound like a...Lose the last paragraph. It makes you sound like a child. Unless, of course, you literally <i>are</i> a child, in which case you must state your age. As in, "My name is Parker Rhoads, I'm 14, and I wrote this book." Then it will be a selling point.<br /><br />The death of the Veep depends on who the Veep is. I can't see many tears being shed over the majority of men who have held that position.<br /><br />As EE says, three years is far too short for he most stupendous event in the history of humanity to be forgotten. Three hundred years? Maybe, though a quick glance at the way Native Americans were treated and how well that's remembered by all sides should give you something to consider. If you're looking for a Cargo Cult-type response, you need to show what about the Omega was promised and what wasn't fulfilled.<br /><br />You have the kernal of a great idea, and also one for a good character. Now you have to make it work.khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-64218814938666414192013-10-07T15:56:48.649-04:002013-10-07T15:56:48.649-04:00Hi Author!
First, you've written a book, so.....Hi Author! <br />First, you've written a book, so....congrats!<br />Second, writing a query letter is difficult. More so than a book, because it has a whole different purpose--it's a business letter. And this one will not do. <br />The glaring errors in simple grammar will get an auto-reject fired off faster than the speed of email.<br /><br />Sad, but true. <br /><br />Also, the ultra long form here is more like a synopsis...and even then it raises more questions about the logic of your story than entices the reader to want to spend time in your fiction.<br /><br />So. Start over with the query, and probably the novel. Work that rag over with a grammar glove until it sparkles. Make sure each and every sentences is tight. <br /><br />For the query it should be short. Like 25% of what you have here. It should also be a logical progression of statements that lead the reader into your world without it sounding unreal. <br /><br />Read the archives. They are invaluable. Best of luck.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18159799725109784001noreply@blogger.com