tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5335190743538627519..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 460Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86848197600600478622007-12-04T18:56:00.000-05:002007-12-04T18:56:00.000-05:00I'd suggest that some research on the history of t...I'd suggest that some research on the history of the near-total destruction of the Aral Sea might come in useful.talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10669061703184770092007-12-04T06:03:00.000-05:002007-12-04T06:03:00.000-05:00Guy's got overnight delivery skills that FedEx wou...<I>Guy's got overnight delivery skills that FedEx would drown kittens for, but he can't get through some cloud cover without a mutant? C'mon. No one asked for a flashlight?<BR/></I><BR/><BR/>And that is when I fell in love with Blogless Troll.<BR/><BR/><BR/>I think the world you created here is very interestng, but agree the plot doesn't seem to sing as much as it might. I'd take out the stuff about the two jobs and start with something like Dave suggested.Staciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07969399927758009095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83120278235083827602007-12-04T00:38:00.000-05:002007-12-04T00:38:00.000-05:00Hi, thanks for the feedback. Dave and Robin, thank...Hi, thanks for the feedback. Dave and Robin, thanks for the positive comments.<BR/><BR/>Buffysquirrel: yes, exactly.<BR/><BR/>Hmm, is my query not making it clear that Delia is a Weathercaller too? She's learning the ropes from Jonathan, but she'll soon be just as capable of summoning the rain as he is, with the help of the bondspirits. <BR/><BR/>Marcus is heavily invested in a water-intensive luxury crop and Jonathan, who blocks him every time he tries to extend the range and frequency of the rain-summoning program, is a thorn in his side. His intent is to replace Jonathan with Delia, whom he believes will be easier to control (and over whom he has some leverage). It is preferable to have two Weathercallers per region, in case one becomes indisposed, but Marcus wants Jonathan out of the picture.<BR/><BR/>Because this novel is unfinished (I guessed at the final word count), I don't even know the answer to all the questions yet myself. I don't know, for example, whether Delia's brother's crime was real or whether Marcus brought him in on trumped-up charges to gain leverage over Delia. I hope to make that bit into a subplot, but I haven't fleshed it out yet.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, Marcus's intent is to use Delia to gather evidence against Jonathan (who really is trying to find a way to eliminate the use of bondspirits in raincalling, since he believes it's cruel and exploitative). Then he'll have Jonathan arrested and--he hopes--enslaved as a bondspirit himself. Then Delia, whom he believes he can control, would become the sole Weathercaller for the region.<BR/><BR/>In this world's magic system, the more energy required to perform a task, the more power must be raised. Raincalling involves pulling the clouds over the mountains (the region is located in the dry side of a rain shadow), which requires immense energy and cannot be achieved by a single Weathercaller. That's why the bondspirits are used--but at least one "live" Weathercaller is required to call up and channel the bondspirits' power.AmyBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02636921840451091870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62224453446115260682007-12-04T00:16:00.000-05:002007-12-04T00:16:00.000-05:00I think there might be a good story in here, but i...I think there might be a good story in here, but it's hard to tell. There are a lot of questions - even more than EE raised.<BR/><BR/>Does it take 2 to call the rain or can Delia do it herself? Is she afraid for her own soul because she feels the same as Jonathan or because she thinks that rain callers or generally targeted? <BR/><BR/>What can the wizards do besides bring rain after they're dead and bonded? It seems like they're a weak bunch if they've been allowing this to happen for what seems like a long time.<BR/><BR/>If the souls are long-dead, how long before a dead Jonathon becomes one of those Delia must work with?<BR/><BR/>So the drought resistent crops are Jonathan's treasonous way of feeding the people without needing to call rain? Drought resistent does not imply no rain at all. <BR/><BR/>If Jonathan can prove his plants will feed people with very little rain, then why doesn't he propose this to the powers that be? Why does he have to go about it secretly?<BR/><BR/>Very little rain causes other issues than plants dying. What water source do these people use for drinking water?<BR/><BR/>If the crops are drought resistent, what adaptation do they need to grow in drought conditions?<BR/><BR/>If Delia is considering reneging on her deal with Marcus, why was Jonathan arrested? It sounds like she hasn't followed through.<BR/><BR/>Not all of these need answered in the query, but there do seem to be a lot of holes in your story as represented by your query.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76713211637525039772007-12-03T21:50:00.000-05:002007-12-03T21:50:00.000-05:00This is a really funny crop of GTPs. I think this ...This is a really funny crop of GTPs. <BR/><BR/>I think this story sounds interesting. I don't read much fantasy, but if I did...Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81400074074628774652007-12-03T21:25:00.000-05:002007-12-03T21:25:00.000-05:00Sounds like Rachel Caine's Weather Warden series, ...Sounds like Rachel Caine's Weather Warden series, only not as much fun. At least the heroine doesn't seem to get beaten to a pulp in every book, as in that series.talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19043335020347880972007-12-03T18:31:00.000-05:002007-12-03T18:31:00.000-05:00Presumably Jonathan can still call the rain as a b...Presumably Jonathan can still call the rain as a bondspirit, only then he'll have no choice. Yes?nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72318388653640215232007-12-03T15:46:00.000-05:002007-12-03T15:46:00.000-05:00It's ok, but kind of bland. Maybe you could crank...It's ok, but kind of bland. Maybe you could crank up the sexiness or the humor or the terrifying scariness, whatever quality distinguishes this manuscript from all the other fantasy manuscripts floating around the ether.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83376330902400542892007-12-03T15:43:00.000-05:002007-12-03T15:43:00.000-05:00I like the story. It seems that no one is either g...I like the story. It seems that no one is either good or bad and each character has his or her flaws. <BR/>But the query doesn't do it justice. <BR/><BR/><I>Delia is assigned to be assistant to Jonathan because King Marcus suspects he's a traitor. </I><BR/><BR/>That's the story in one sentence. You can replace "king" with any other appellation. <BR/><BR/><I>Delia falls in love with Jonathan the wizard who King Marcus believes is a traitor. Jonathan uses the bound souls of dead men to bring rain to the land. </I><BR/><BR/>Two sentences. <BR/><BR/>Now you should add a sentence or two about Jonathan is researching drought resistant crops and <B>upsetting someone's apple-cart and gravy-train</B>. And then close it all with a sentence about Delia having to risk herself to save the man she loves, free the bond spirits and save the people from famine. <BR/><BR/>That's my advice.<BR/><BR/>PS: Blogless Troll - go read HOGFATHER for Christmas.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25565635453542354262007-12-03T14:45:00.000-05:002007-12-03T14:45:00.000-05:00I don't think the two jobs approach is working. It...I don't think the two jobs approach is working. It seemed like a whole lotta build up just to find out she's a spy. Obviously, you need to get that info across, but I think phrasing it in a more matter-of-fact way would work better.<BR/><BR/><I>[They have the power to imprison souls, but they need to hire a guy to make it rain?]</I><BR/><BR/>It's usually the ones gifted the most power who are the least resourceful. Look at Santa. Guy's got overnight delivery skills that FedEx would drown kittens for, but he can't get through some cloud cover without a mutant? C'mon. <I>No one</I> asked for a flashlight?Blogless Trollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03983848259551488867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79167121448853411792007-12-03T13:29:00.000-05:002007-12-03T13:29:00.000-05:00If 1 had been a real plot, I'd have been there. Su...If 1 had been a real plot, I'd have been there. Summoning ducks would be a great story.<BR/><BR/>I'm confused about Marcus's motivations. He doesn't seem to have a reason for wanting everyone to starve to death. Or does he believe Jonathan is a fraud and it will still rain?Polenthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14029549865473069051noreply@blogger.com