tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5252103116397831780..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1413Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82996422274601295812021-02-10T16:21:30.075-05:002021-02-10T16:21:30.075-05:00I am not sure if this query works or not. On the o...I am not sure if this query works or not. On the one hand, the concept and the atmosphere are unusual enough to grab my attention right away. This pitch stands out. It's fresh and it's crazy in a good way. <br /><br />On the other hand, I have trouble with the many unexplained terms thrown around. It is not a big issue and, I believe, it can be solved. You could, for example, leave the 'occultists' in the text (it is clear that they are magic users of some kind), but cut the beatniks. Teohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09627300790666931742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-55566757122607261082021-02-09T09:12:25.001-05:002021-02-09T09:12:25.001-05:00The obvious subtitle for "The Rooster Sutra&q...The obvious subtitle for "The Rooster Sutra" is "How to Handle Your Cock", so make sure that figures prominently in your query, on the cover, and in marketing materials. Then change the main character's name from Keket to Kegel, describe her exercise routine in vivid detail, and you've got a bestseller.JRMoshernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14349086509069069812021-02-08T16:01:24.489-05:002021-02-08T16:01:24.489-05:00Query writer, I think you need to take a few steps...Query writer, I think you need to take a few steps back from your book. You know who's who and what's what and how it's all connected a little too well. It's not coming across for the rest of us.<br /><br />In a romance/buddy story, the relationship between the two characters is the focus of the book and the query should highlight how that relationship will develop. Any other genre, it's usually better to stick with a single main character. What's their main goal? What problems do they need to overcome? What's bad about them failing?<br /><br />Pay attention to cause and effect when relating the plot. Since this happens, that happens. Because that happens, the other happens.<br /><br />Details are your friend. If an event is worth mentioning in the query, it's usually worth being specific. How/why did someone die? It sounds as if this might not be unusual, but I can't be certain with what you actually have said. Is it important to the plot that some nameless person died in an unspecified way doing something unspecified? Are they the first victim of the killer? If they don't have anything to do with the main plot, it might be better not to bring them up. What were Keket & co trying to accomplish that almost got Tanya killed? What mess did Keket create that's going to require violence to solve? etc. etc. etc.<br /><br />Not all questions need to be answered in the query, but the query should be written so that it does answer the ones it brings up. An agent reads a query wanting to know "Can I sell this?" If the answer is "I don't know/I can't tell" the response you get is "Not right for me."<br /><br />Good LuckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-87736266029500816662021-02-07T09:49:34.541-05:002021-02-07T09:49:34.541-05:00Hi Author,
I too was confused by some of the word...Hi Author,<br /><br />I too was confused by some of the word choices: occultist, tantric, beatnik, serial killer. <br /><br />Occultist brings to mind mystics. To me, an occultist could range anywhere from incense and wearing crystals to fortune tellers, to secret societies where members are dabbling in dark arts like necromancy or awakening an old god. <br /><br />Tantric: makes me think immediately of tantric sex. In my 15 second google search, it looks like tantra refers to a mind+body focus technique. Is that the context you meant it in? As a method for using and accessing magic, it would be cool to see done in a Buddhist / Indian approach. <br /><br />Beatnik: When I think of 'beatnik', I think of 1950s poets, wearing berets and black turtlenecks. First impressions as it's written is that an aging poet teaches a 15 year old high school girl in the ways of tantric sex. I assume you meant that the high schooler finds a mentor who is willing to teach her the ways of magic.<br /><br />Serial Killer: this could be a nitpick, but i think of a serial killer being a murderer who targets random, unsuspecting, innocent civilians. The way you describe it seems more like a self-righteous fanatic who is hell bent on wiping out all occultists, either for revenge or religious reasons. The occultists have missions, and most are not pacifists, and they seem aware that someone's after them. I feel like 'serial killer' would fit better if there was a string of murders of 15 year old girls with long brown hair and Tanya fit his profile and was in danger of being his next victim. <br /><br />Like I said above, I like the concept of a Buddhist approach to fantasy and wondering what that looks like. <br /><br />I thought the relationship between Keket and Tanya came across well. It's easy to follow that a poor girl with few prospects would be inspired by this woman who saved her life, has strong moral principles, and has some sort of strength/power.<br /><br />Your plot sounded nicely contained. Keket saves Tanya and opens her eyes to this world of magic. Then Keket, Tanya, and her team defeat a threat. You don't seem caught up on a lot of different sub-plots. I mean that in the nicest way. Some queries have trouble focusing on the main plot. You don't seem to have that problem but some information is missing. I wanted the answers to EE's questions. <br /><br />I hope my comments are helpful. I don't mean to nitpick but I wanted to share with you what impressions your word choices brought to mind. <br /><br />Like EE said, it would help a lot to know what these occultists do and what their missions consist of. What is the goal of this team?Mandakinzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01057855298896415825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13517364883082681972021-02-07T04:35:16.911-05:002021-02-07T04:35:16.911-05:00Here's what I get from your summary, and some ...Here's what I get from your summary, and some of it is certain to be wrong:<br /><br />Keket is on a team of occultists -- not as the captain, but as a member. One death is an impressive record for any occultist, and it happens to belong to her, coincidentally the only pacifist. (By the way, "only one death is an impressive record for the only pacifist in the occultism industry" might also mean that most pacifist occultists are particularly deadly, so Keket's one death is impressive.) And a moralizer wants to kill literally every occultist except Keket. <br /><br />Things that your book doubtless answers but that look like logic holes in the query:<br /><br />What does the team captain say about this recent death? Why is Keket taking the lead on preventing more?<br /><br />How do pacifism and militarism figure into the occultist profession at all, and why are pacifists exceptional in the profession?<br /><br />Aren't all occultists on a collision course with this serial killer, not just Tanya? <br /><br />Plus all of EE's questions. I can't figure out what Keket does all day.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com