tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5187145383627840785..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1295Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81529793695357234012016-01-12T12:39:09.393-05:002016-01-12T12:39:09.393-05:00Is Dad the main suspect? That's the underlying...Is Dad the main suspect? That's the underlying vibe I'm getting. <br /><br />No, it's probably Mom who killed Phelps for hiding that cheating, no-good, low-life bastard all these years so he wouldn't have to pay child support.khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19549120696845844362016-01-12T11:23:23.554-05:002016-01-12T11:23:23.554-05:00There's no clear reason why this is Lucy's...There's no clear reason why this is Lucy's case to solve, at least not until the murderer is planning to kill her and frame her long absent dad, which probably wouldn't be an issue if Lucy wasn't already involved in the case. Lucy has plenty of reasons to want to find her missing dad, but that problem seems to resolve itself. The murder mystery feels completely unconnected to Lucy. She has no connection to the victim, no special knowledge beyond hearing gunshots, and no obvious skills that would make her more capable of solving the case than the police would be. <br /><br />You can rework the query so it's either about the murder mystery or about Lucy's missing dad. But if the two storylines feel as unrelated in the book as they do in the query, you may want to think about reworking the manuscript.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30451964568419587692016-01-12T10:38:53.899-05:002016-01-12T10:38:53.899-05:00This query looks as if you've gone through the...This query looks as if you've gone through the manuscript, noted each thing that happens, and put a reference to it into the query.<br /><br />The query shouldn't contain everything in the manuscript. It should contain the essential. The essential, I would guess, is that Lucy thinks her neighbor, Mr. Phelps, was murdered.<br /><br />Leave out the dad and the twins and the mom at this point. They're not essential.<br /><br />So, what we need: <br /><br />Lucy wants to achieve X. Only one X. Since it's a mystery, X is solving the murder.<br /><br />Lucy is impeded by obstacle X. (Could be: the police don't believe her; there's no evidence Mr. Phelps hasn't simply moved to the Bahamas, as he often said he would. She's only 15. She has to look after her younger siblings instead of hunting for clues.)<br /><br />We also need stakes. What happens if Lucy doesn't solve the murder? <br /><br />AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52135682322215892712016-01-11T15:09:26.866-05:002016-01-11T15:09:26.866-05:00Paragraph one sounds like angsty coming-of-age lit...Paragraph one sounds like angsty coming-of-age literary fiction. The plot bits you've given about finding her dad don't mesh well with the mystery plot. They either need to tie in better, as in give reasons her dad might be a suspect/target/to-be-framed victim, or decide which story you really want to tell. Pick either the mystery or dad plot, leave the other one out.<br /><br />If this is supposed to be a mystery, tell us about the mystery. As EE said, we're not certain what the mystery is, who the suspects are, what motives they might have, or why the cops aren't perfectly capable of doing their job.<br /><br />The genre for age 13-15 is YA. Call this a YA mystery complete at 66,000 words. Rephrase to taste.<br /><br />Good LuckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com