tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4969545902871404749..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 703Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75263465053128204022010-01-15T10:59:34.982-05:002010-01-15T10:59:34.982-05:00A thought occurred to me while I should have been ...A thought occurred to me while I should have been working on my own story: I wonder if it might work to show more of the cognitive dissonance between what the characters are made to say and their independent consciousness? Like--<br /><br /><i>"I have nothing of value to give you," said Nicholas, wondering how on earth he was capable of saying such mush. "But--"<br /><br />"Your love," Aaryanna interrupted him, fighting the temptation to slap him across his smug face, "is enough for me."</i><br /><br />I don't know-- maybe it just needs to be made goofier in general. Of course I'm a P. G. Wodehouse fan, so take it for what it's worth....Erichttp://www.ericpazdziora.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83097628214827451222010-01-15T09:29:37.213-05:002010-01-15T09:29:37.213-05:00You need to keep the book sections separate from t...You need to keep the book sections separate from the real word sections. This version is good. It does what you want it to do. But it will work better if the reader can see what is manuscript and what isn't.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34530696473405005382010-01-14T18:57:31.464-05:002010-01-14T18:57:31.464-05:00I like this even better than the first one. Just ...I like this even better than the first one. Just going by the little bit I can see here I'd find it tempting after "She felt like he was fighting every word she wrote." to begin the next paragraph with "Of course he was..." and go on as Nicholas. Anyhow, this does set me up to sympathize with the author and the characters too.Joannanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-43319485997665320522010-01-14T18:49:06.718-05:002010-01-14T18:49:06.718-05:00I had the "book" part in italics, and fo...I had the "book" part in italics, and forgot to mark it. :o<br /><br />Good point Eric! Well you know what they say about writing bad books...practice makes perfect! ;)<br /><br />I like the idea of the slow reveal, but learning that they are characters isn't the focus of the book. (Always an idea if the book becomes a series and focuses on another poor, abused character. ;))<br /><br />The focus is figuring out how to become Real because no one knows what happens to characters when their author finishes the book. There are speculations of course...;)<br /><br />Thank you Matthew!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65309531122105015262010-01-14T17:40:57.623-05:002010-01-14T17:40:57.623-05:00Maybe you could use more of a transition between r...Maybe you could use more of a transition between reality and fantasy, but I'm not skilled enough to tell you how to do that.<br /><br />Otherwise, I was into it.Matthewnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28263467633547829852010-01-14T17:31:54.661-05:002010-01-14T17:31:54.661-05:00Most of my previous comment still stands.
While ...Most of my previous comment still stands. <br /><br />While you undeniably have skill at writing a "bad novel" (I know it's harder than it seems to do it on purpose-- or else all too easy!), it still leaves the impression, "Oh, a bad novel, I should move on." For it to work as your hook, at least for this reader, it would have to be <i>hilariously</i> bad-- the way it would be if, say, a Terry Pratchett character wrote it.<br /><br />Also, I'm afraid the idea of reading about a writer trying futilely to make a bad novel good (now where might a writer have gotten <i>that</i> story idea?) is not nearly as attractive as the concept you propose of reading about the <i>characters</i> from the story exploring their meta-world. Stick with their POV, at least in the beginning. Maybe try the Slow Reveal idea just to see how it works.<br /><br />Still love the concept! You'll get there!Erichttp://www.ericpazdziora.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61584989263126797402010-01-14T16:25:24.605-05:002010-01-14T16:25:24.605-05:00I'm working on my revisions and have rewritten...I'm working on my revisions and have rewritten the first page a bit. Please tell me if it works better: <br /><br />Writer’s Block. Anne hated the sound of it, the feel of it, the truth of it. She stared at her computer screen and willed her characters to speak to her. “Marry me,” Anne whispered, her hands hovering over her keyboard. “Why can’t I get you to say it?”<br /><br />She poked her tongue out and studied her manuscript.<br /> <br />Nicholas held Aaryanna’s hand in both of his, unable to believe his luck that she was finally his. “I thought I lost you,” he whispered.<br /> <br />“Never,” Aaryanna breathed, running her fingers through his soft hair. “No matter what happens to me, you never will.”<br /> <br />“Not if I can help it,” Nicholas vowed, squeezing her hand. “I have nothing of value to give you, but...”<br /> <br />“Your love,” Aaryanna interrupted him, touching her fingers to his lips, “is enough for me.”<br /> <br />“You have it,” Nicholas said, admiring her beautiful face. He was a country knight, hardly better than a peasant, but she loved him anyway. A princess loved him. His princess. He was willing to give his life for her, but now he was hoping to share it. “Aaryanna will you,”<br /> <br />“Marry me,” Anne repeated, louder. She rested her head against her hands, frustrated. Why couldn’t she put to words how much Nicholas loved Aaryanna, how much he wanted to marry her? She felt like he was fighting every word she wrote.<br /> <br />Her roommate, Sara, poked her head through the kitchen doorway. “Are you proposing to your computer again?”Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13761361835972778522009-11-19T11:30:04.053-05:002009-11-19T11:30:04.053-05:00Author - I liked your original start much better b...Author - I liked your original start much better because it was clear to me what was going on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83954486414991854722009-11-18T10:20:18.168-05:002009-11-18T10:20:18.168-05:00Depending on the mood I was in and whether or not ...Depending on the mood I was in and whether or not I'd figured out the premise from the story or the cover, I'd probably read on.<br /><br />Go with this opening to the story, not the original. Though the original made my eyes widen: you're really good at writing bad novels. Have you had a lot of practice?<br /><br />Ha._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10498779210516410972009-11-18T08:40:16.568-05:002009-11-18T08:40:16.568-05:00"When the author quits writing for the night,..."When the author quits writing for the night, hour, whatever...the characters hang out in her world doing as they wish. If they're lucky, she gets Writer's Block. (Either caused by them or outside sources.) Once the author starts writing again, the characetrs are pulled straight back to the action."<br /><br />Sorry, it's me again. I love this.<br /><br />...dave coniferAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53953052348801818512009-11-18T08:37:25.283-05:002009-11-18T08:37:25.283-05:00Author, this is really cool. I admit I didn't...Author, this is really cool. I admit I didn't get it until I read the comment thread but then I went back and realized how awesome this is. <br /><br />I don't think you should worry about dumbing it down for slow people like me, though. We're used to it and we catch on eventually.<br /><br />Nice work1<br /><br />...dave coniferAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49744642962824717242009-11-18T06:45:17.282-05:002009-11-18T06:45:17.282-05:00I think that would be the first time, Anon Anon. B...I think that would be the first time, Anon Anon. But then again, my head's rattled.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75419142294107610062009-11-17T20:10:50.985-05:002009-11-17T20:10:50.985-05:00Loved the continuation! Since I'd read the que...Loved the continuation! Since I'd read the query for this, I was able to piece together the blocked author's author's intent, but I think I'd pass on so contrived a plot as this appears to be. <br /><br />Buffy, it's autumn now; how many times have we told you to beware falling nuts?<br /><br />Anonymous AnonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38766640706049311642009-11-17T14:28:22.824-05:002009-11-17T14:28:22.824-05:00I think I was. Then again, the bump on the head is...I think I was. Then again, the bump on the head is also possible.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68853714370601401382009-11-17T12:01:08.715-05:002009-11-17T12:01:08.715-05:00I think she's referring to the first page of m...I think she's referring to the first page of my story. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-71920489671068098442009-11-17T11:38:23.070-05:002009-11-17T11:38:23.070-05:00I have no idea what's going on here.
Basicall...<i>I have no idea what's going on here.</i><br /><br />Basically, aspiring writers submit openings to their novels; other aspiring writers or like-minded smart-arses append a mildly humorous continuation, and then the opening is put up for peer review. It's kind of simple, really...<br /><br />I thought you knew that. Bump on the head?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61600053341033288452009-11-17T11:20:05.564-05:002009-11-17T11:20:05.564-05:00I have no idea what's going on here.I have no idea what's going on here.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11826938745722284792009-11-17T00:04:01.142-05:002009-11-17T00:04:01.142-05:00Thank you for your insights, everyone! I definite...Thank you for your insights, everyone! I definitely see the need to clarify, which works well, since I am still in the revision stages of this book.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60260215228171467332009-11-16T19:46:27.483-05:002009-11-16T19:46:27.483-05:00Only the intentional ones.Only the intentional ones.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40517548953314366052009-11-16T19:25:34.084-05:002009-11-16T19:25:34.084-05:00Fixed. Having never used Microsoft Word, I didn...Fixed. Having never used Microsoft Word, I didn't get it.<br /><br />Does this mean I should also stop fixing all your spelling errors in the future?Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77115385007861397692009-11-16T19:13:58.501-05:002009-11-16T19:13:58.501-05:00I kind of like your initial intro, as it makes it ...I kind of like your initial intro, as it makes it very clear what's happening and also increases my sympathy for the author.Sylviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05925593802209715440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18900597201629563272009-11-16T18:56:08.705-05:002009-11-16T18:56:08.705-05:00Hmm. Intersetingly, EE corrected the bad grammar i...Hmm. Intersetingly, EE corrected the bad grammar in the continuation that caused the grammar nag to put a wavering green line under Aaryanna.<br /><br />Once an editor, eh...?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91430611191462400252009-11-16T18:40:51.958-05:002009-11-16T18:40:51.958-05:00It's close, and the tone is good, but it doesn...It's close, and the tone is good, but it doesn't <i>quite</i> do it for me (though I've already declared my affection for the concept as a whole). It feels a bit much like everybody knows what's going on except the poor reader--who in turn would know all if only someone would say something-- which is always frustrating.<br /><br />My personal preference, for what it's worth, would be to see more of a Slow Reveal in the style of <i>Stranger than Fiction</i> or <i>The Truman Show</i>. Presumably the characters weren't always fully aware that they were the brainchildren of some invisible God-like author? How did they figure it out? Let us figure it out <i>with</i> them-- the slow, nagging suspicion that all may not be as it appears... the initial skepticism... the growing paranoia...<br /><br />That might not be <i>your</i> story, but that would be one way to make it work. Just a thought.<br /><br />Definitely don't start with the author if Nicholas and Aaryanna are going to be your POV characters.Erichttp://www.ericpazdziora.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83072493216303413302009-11-16T14:41:21.983-05:002009-11-16T14:41:21.983-05:00It took me a moment to realize this was the story ...It took me a moment to realize this was the story about the book characters come to life and then it all made sense. My first thought was why did the computer screen cast a dark shadow across the sky. <br /><br />The trick will be giving the reader enough clues so they figure out that these are characters in a novel and they don't want to do what the author is going to write. <br /><br />Only a few words give me heartburn. <br /><br />When I use the verb "snatch," I think of snatching an object not removing my hand. Yank might be better. It probably doesn't matter. <br /><br />Countryside is used twice. What would you think on not using that owrd and replacing "casting a shadow across the sky" with "casting a shadow across the wooded glen"? <br />And then, in the third paragraph, you can remove the first "in the countryside." And as for the second occurrence of the word, "on the countryside"... I just realized that it is ON and not IN. In that case, let it be. <br /><br />"Even her hair was perfectly straight" Ooohlala, two of my favorite pet peeves. (wink, wink). How about something like "Her hair, windblown like a model on a beach. Her makeup, not smudged. Her clothes, crisp, fresh as morning dew." <br />And then you can describe Nicholas as smelling like a horse, knife scratched, bruised, battered and dressed in the Salvation Army's finest giveaways. <br /><br />Give them some color. Give them a tone of voice, too. <br /><br />Look at your words and think about making them more interesting or giving your characters more depth.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77793991364894752272009-11-16T14:23:51.420-05:002009-11-16T14:23:51.420-05:00Sarah: When the author quits writing for the night...Sarah: When the author quits writing for the night, hour, whatever...the characters hang out in her world doing as they wish. If they're lucky, she gets Writer's Block. (Either caused by them or outside sources.) Once the author starts writing again, the characetrs are pulled straight back to the action. <br /><br />The original start was this: <br /><br /> In a small, two bedroom apartment Anne sat a computer, writing a book. She read aloud to her roommate, Sara. “Aaryanna’s eyes sparkled like the noon day sun.”<br /> <br /> “No, that sounds stupid.”<br /> <br />“Oh. How about:<br /><br /> “Upon the stench filled battle grounds, Aaryanna’s beauty inspired hope where only despair could be found.” <br /> “And why is Aaryanna on a battlefield?” <br /> <br />“It sounds dramatic. What better place for a proposal than a blood soaked battlefield?”<br /> <br />“Every woman’s dream,” Sara said dryly. “Why don’t you just face the facts: Nicholas doesn’t want to propose to Aaryanna.”<br /> <br />“Yes, he does,” Anne said, studying her story.<br /> <br /><i>Nicholas held Aaryanna’s hand in both of his, unable to believe his luck that she was finally his. “I thought I lost you,” he whispered.<br /> <br />“Never,” Aaryanna breathed, running her fingers through his soft hair. “No matter what happens to me, you never will.”<br /> <br />“Not if I can help it,” Nicholas vowed, squeezing her hand. “I have nothing of value to give you, but...”<br /> <br />“Your love,” Aaryanna interrupted him, touching her fingers to his lips, “is enough for me.”<br /> <br />“You have it,” Nicholas said, admiring her beautiful face. He was a country knight, hardly better than a peasant, but she loved him anyway. A princess loved him. His princess. He was willing to give his life for her, but now he was hoping to share it. “Aaryanna will you,”</i><br /> <br />“Marry me,” Anne said, frustrated. “Why can’t I get him to say it?”<br /> <br />“Because he doesn’t like her.”<br /> <br />“Or maybe I just need some fresh air,” Anne said, pushing back her chair. “Lets take a walk.”<br />*** <br />(It's really rough and would need work if I used it again, but someone suggested to start straight with Nicholas and Aaryanna...so I'm kind of wondering which part works best? Directly following this scene is Nicholas and Aaryanna on the countryside.)<br /><br />Joanna, yes, this is Writer's Block! They're in their world, but are aware of the computer screen. Once they're in the Block, the screen is gone. The hardest thing about this story has been trying to figure out the start. <br /><br />Thank you Evil!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com