tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4687281617085870599..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 835Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75311201190709464282010-11-03T18:58:22.323-04:002010-11-03T18:58:22.323-04:00I always write my queries before I finish, usually...I always write my queries before I finish, usually after I write the first 30-60 pages of a novel. Most of the time, the query only goes up to right after the inciting incident anyway, so it doesn't matter how your book ends. Plus, you can always revise the query later. Writing queries helps me focus my work by identifying the central conflict with the antagonist and the inter-personal conflicts with the other main characters. If I can't sum it up in 200 words or less, then it's obvious I've got a problem.<br /><br />I'd cut the author some slack for sending the query unfinished since Evil Editor did ask for volunteers.<br /><br />For the query itself: it's too busy, with too many characters. Simplify. Right now, it sounds more like Mychel's story than Carmen's. Focus the query on her. For example, "High school rugby player Carmen Alexis is happy with her new boyfriend Mychel, despite the difficulties that come with dating an invisible vampire. Sure, none of her teammates believe he exists, and she can't tell if he looks good in his prom tuxedo or not, but at least she doesn't have to look at his acne scars, either.<br /><br />Life is bliss until his stalker ex-girlfriend comes and sets her chemistry lab on fire..." etc.<br /><br />See what I mean? Make it Carmen's story, and give her a voice we can care about. Right now, the diluted focus makes all your characters flat and unlikeable. Voice matters so much more than plot in a romance. You're not going to hook readers with a burning building--you're going to hook them by the fact a character they care about (because that character makes them laugh, has a voice they can identify with, etc.) is in a burning building.<br /><br />Does he need to be invisible and a vampire? Why not just invisible? I like that better, just because I'm sick to death of vampires and its the invisible part that intrigues me.Unrepentant Escapisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14084297041989860942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1877859674996848152010-10-29T21:03:59.583-04:002010-10-29T21:03:59.583-04:00Joe: I think it depends on whether you're a pa...Joe: I think it depends on whether you're a pantser or a planner. If a planner and you have an idea where your story's going, then writing the query early on may be an easier exercise than waiting until your story is bloated with all that extra baggage you just have to find a way to cram into your query. The query almost HAS to be focused.<br /><br />If your a pantser, not so much. But it could help focus your writing efforts a bit more and force you to have an end in sight.<br /><br />It may not be THE query you wind up going out with, but I think it would be a great first draft.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52475685236424121532010-10-29T17:17:27.367-04:002010-10-29T17:17:27.367-04:00Rachel, hah!
Wouldn't a query written before ...Rachel, hah!<br /><br />Wouldn't a query written before you'd really gotten much of the way into writing your novel just be a summary or a plot outline or, I dunno, a collection of notes?Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41977631506181061602010-10-28T16:22:17.632-04:002010-10-28T16:22:17.632-04:00Why didn't anybody tell me that teenage girls ...Why didn't anybody tell me that teenage girls loved being stalked when I was young and single? Or would I need to wait till I'm old and a bit creepy for success?Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00504867955626705514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12444537072648730822010-10-28T16:03:09.487-04:002010-10-28T16:03:09.487-04:00Ohhhhhh man. I missed out on all this fun yesterda...Ohhhhhh man. I missed out on all this fun yesterday?!?!?!<br /><br />No wayyyyyyy I'm putting my name on this comment just in case I'mma famous one day. <br /><br />This is dreadful from the opening line: <br /><br />Carmen is an ordinary girl living your average everyday life...that is until she meets the boy of her dreams. <br /><br />THE BOY OF HER DREAMS IS A 200 YEAR OLD INVISIBLE VAMPIRE??????Not Normall Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72631215889544091992010-10-28T14:44:14.475-04:002010-10-28T14:44:14.475-04:00i wasn't really sure if this was serious when ...i wasn't really sure if this was serious when i got down to the paraphrased: this is a 10k word unfinished... part.<br />last time i knew, you don't send queries on unfinished work.<br />ee's jokes were so damn funny, i'm lol'ing at my desk at work and can't stop. the mike tyson thing was so friggin hilarious. And the entire not sure what she sees in him. ee, have you done stand up at the improv?<br />batgirl has me in stitches too. it's about time someone brought up the payphone again. i was missing him desperately!<br /><br />that being said, it takes courage to post here with us minions. finish the novel, take the constructive things some of the minions have said and go from there.<br /><br />word verification:<br />imess, imessed my pants reading this entry!angela robbinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07114119913653244467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21072666763109104622010-10-27T23:58:55.050-04:002010-10-27T23:58:55.050-04:00I won't fault the author for writing a query f...I won't fault the author for writing a query for an unfinished novel - I've done that myself, for practice, and sent the resulting queries to EE (quick, guess which!) - but I'd suggest she present it as if it were a finished novel, with an estimated and ROUNDED OFF wordcount. <br />Author, I'm guessing you're quite young, and I hope you don't find this discouraging, but please remember you have lots of time to develop your craft. Almost all beginning writers create 'trunk novels', books where they experimented and took chances and learned better, then put away. Finish this book - you obviously love it - then write another and another. Practice. Read lots of other books, read books about writing. And good luck!batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-9277480459844401902010-10-27T21:49:10.798-04:002010-10-27T21:49:10.798-04:00Aaaand vampires have officially jumped the (query)...Aaaand vampires have officially jumped the (query)shark.<br /><br />No. No more vampires falling in love with teen girls. Please. Not even with your "unique twist", whatever it may be.<br /><br />Back when Tolkien published the LOTR series, do you ever wonder if there was a sudden rash of people querying agents with stories featuring magic rings that make you invisible, or mock-hobbits and the like? I can only imagine.<br /><br />The query shows poor written skills; perhaps the author is really young or learned English as a second language and is still a novice... It's that bad. And the plot is worse than bad. And the word count... "clueless" doesn't begin to describe it.<br /><br />Writing professionally either is not for you, or you have a very long road ahead of you while you improve your skills in the craft of writing in all of its facets before you're going to be published, or get paid for writing anything.M. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90317663839838160322010-10-27T21:09:07.522-04:002010-10-27T21:09:07.522-04:00I sometimes write queries for novels I haven't...I sometimes write queries for novels I haven't finished yet too. It helps organize my thoughts. As others have said, don't send the query out until the novel is finished, edited, etc. <br />I found some of the names distracting too but that's not a big deal. The basic story sounds like it could have potential.<br />Good luckLauren Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14363923486533450931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47435967677157277482010-10-27T20:07:02.726-04:002010-10-27T20:07:02.726-04:00If the first million words are just practice, then...If the first million words are just practice, then you've got 990,000 words left to go. But hey, NaNoWriMo's nearly here!<br /><br />Don't query until you're done.<br /><br />Joe G--it's called Fahrenheit 451.<br /><br />So true about NaNo. One of the great things is that I have to wait to write, which give my characters and story time to develop first. It's also less of a waste of words when my characters switch genre on me._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35387617409065775562010-10-27T19:00:31.054-04:002010-10-27T19:00:31.054-04:00Phoenix is wise -- I was astonished how my Nano no...Phoenix is wise -- I was astonished how my Nano novel started to crystallize when I tried to write a fake query for it and was confronted with a lot of "And she doesn't really like the sister, but she has a crush on the brother, and also her best friend is a kleptomaniac, and she can do magic, but she might want to be a scientist, and she's in a gang, and she also has a crush on a rival gang member, but really, it all works out in the end, after she solves the murders ...* "<br /><br />Of course, I'm sure all my streamlining and refining will get undone come November, when I actually write the thing!<br /><br />* - none of this, unfortunately, is exaggeration. I think it's what the kids today call a hot mess!Elliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10592356672960746162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60410821742494196702010-10-27T17:57:10.289-04:002010-10-27T17:57:10.289-04:00I'm going to assume the author knows not to qu...I'm going to assume the author knows not to query with a partial and that s/he is looking for feedback NOW when s/he has time to make corrections to the work based on what EE and the Minions note. <br /><br />Completely aside from story, grammar, and character issues, this is a really SMART strategy. Find out how your story resonates BEFORE you waste hours writing what will need to be unwritten later anyway. <br /><br />In fact, going forward, I think everyone participating in NaNoWriMo should write a query for the novel they plan to write in Nov and have it critiqued in Oct: NaQWriMo<br /><br />I really love GTP #3!<br /><br /><i>putting up with Mrs. V's crap and burning manuscripts.</i><br />Have a little tact, EE. The MC is a hopeless Pyrophobiac -- must you mention your love for burning things right in front of her?Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84169962946197667822010-10-27T16:45:25.056-04:002010-10-27T16:45:25.056-04:00Wait, nobody's suggested that invisible Mychal...Wait, nobody's suggested that invisible Mychal and the guy who's an occlusion of a payphone should form a support group?batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48342109197154420552010-10-27T16:44:16.069-04:002010-10-27T16:44:16.069-04:00Does Mychal need to be a vampire? Does he need to ...Does Mychal need to be a vampire? Does he need to be immortal? How about he's just invisible, which would certainly put a crimp in the dating scene anyways.<br /><br />The triangle with Muriah is reminiscent of the situation in Evermore (Alyson Noel), which has an immortal teenage alchemist (but visible), his reincarnated true love sulky teen girl, and his also-immortal stalker who's trying to kill the sulky teen. <br /><br />Author, as others have said, there's no real point querying an unfinished story. I suggest you finish it, get some beta readers to go over it, and spend some time revising it. Practice and good beta readers make a huge difference.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32867960992209485802010-10-27T16:43:36.708-04:002010-10-27T16:43:36.708-04:00I really liked GTP #3!I really liked GTP #3!Elliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10592356672960746162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19776642613776161522010-10-27T15:32:29.545-04:002010-10-27T15:32:29.545-04:00"I guess it doesn't matter if he looks li..."I guess it doesn't matter if he looks like an old man, as he's invisible. But I don't understand what Carmen sees in him. Ba dum ching"<br /><br />I thought my co-workers were going to walk into the office to see why I was laughing so loudly I had to bite my tongue.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51699910962869450502010-10-27T15:08:57.489-04:002010-10-27T15:08:57.489-04:00This is freaking insane. I'm dying over here. ...This is freaking insane. I'm dying over here. You almost don't need the annotations from EE. Is the twist that Muriah is actually Mariah Carey, well known cougar, international pop sensation, and part time vampire? <br /><br />My favorite part because it just comes out of nowhere is:<br /><br />Then one day, while Carmen is at school, her worst fear is realized, she is trapped in a burning building with no way out. Being a hopeless Pyrophobiac trapped in a chem lab fire, she begins to worry that it's all over and that since it is daytime, Mychel won't be able to do anything to save her. <br /><br />I just keep picturing her sitting in the lab, watching the fire get bigger and bigger and thinking, "Maybe I ought to start worrying about this. I could call the fire department but if Mychel can't save me, why should I bother doing anything? After all, being trapped in a chemical fire at school is my worst fear."<br /><br />I'm going to write a book called Hopeless Pyrophiliacs. It'll be about a firefighter with unusual proclivities.Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75245736979109968042010-10-27T14:45:04.853-04:002010-10-27T14:45:04.853-04:00Finish writing this, author, and then put it away ...Finish writing this, author, and then put it away and read about 50 books. And then try again with a different story. I suspect that this is a first effort, and that's okay. Everyone starts somewhere. But I think you've got more work on craft and storytelling to do before you try again.<br /><br />And it's a cardinal rule never to query on work that isn't finished. Only authors with track records can get away with selling on a partial. Just so you know.Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36201044132212061222010-10-27T14:40:29.053-04:002010-10-27T14:40:29.053-04:00Are you sure it shouldn't be called Invisible ...Are you sure it shouldn't be called Invisible Edward?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-827487127292189452010-10-27T14:21:02.280-04:002010-10-27T14:21:02.280-04:00What, no 'wherefore art thou, Romeo?' joke...What, no 'wherefore art thou, Romeo?' joke?<br /><br />(nobody needs to tell me wherefore means why, btw, or that I should put my comma in the right place, kthxbai)<br /><br />((now i'm beginning to understand why EE skipped the joke))nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12577773161517024902010-10-27T13:53:59.908-04:002010-10-27T13:53:59.908-04:00[The only time you can see him is when he's st...[The only time you can see him is when he's standing in front of a mirror.]<br /><br />I <i>died</i>.<br /><br />I must see pages of this.150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26718557718430123692010-10-27T13:21:29.519-04:002010-10-27T13:21:29.519-04:00Hard to take this seriously with the "black m...Hard to take this seriously with the "black male" and all of the comma splices. It's a big "small thing"--you know, what a sentence is. And of course, what it isn't.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79956738786714090992010-10-27T12:48:19.995-04:002010-10-27T12:48:19.995-04:00Mychel and Muriah were born 200 years ago. Shouldn...Mychel and Muriah were born 200 years ago. Shouldn't they be Michael and Maria? Save the kooky spellings for Carmen and her contemporaries. How about Kharmen . . . Carmenh . . . Kha'rmen . . .Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37780773526335237812010-10-27T12:01:56.736-04:002010-10-27T12:01:56.736-04:00I thought this was a joke... and I agree with EE, ...I thought this was a joke... and I agree with EE, there is no indication that Carmen and Mychel have any kind of relationship. Plus, Mychel? Muriah?! Please just spell conventional names the regular way. Screwing with spelling doesn't make your characters special - it makes you look like you have dyslexia.John A.noreply@blogger.com