tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4667050881258576751..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1347Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89016264701472934282017-04-09T14:25:25.116-04:002017-04-09T14:25:25.116-04:00I've been listening to some literary agent pod...I've been listening to some literary agent podcasts lately (as one does), specifically Shipping and Handling. Two things I've gotten from the podcasts are:<br /><br />1) Specific and vivid is better than vague and ambiguous/ confusing. Adina is a human/animal hybrid: What kind of animal? How are we supposed to imagine her?<br /><br />2) There is zero market for wizard schools right now. I groaned when I saw this at the end of the query. A normal school with a few supernatural students could be an easier sell. It may also appeal more to teens- "Harry Potter" is middle grade, after all, not YA.<br />And if everyone at school is magical, why does Adina have to hide her talent?<br /><br />I don't have any problem with the body swapping. If done well- like any other plot device, from time travel to hypnotism to whatever- it could make for a fun story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66652692059494521672017-04-08T16:50:52.577-04:002017-04-08T16:50:52.577-04:00And now that I posted my comment I look back over ...And now that I posted my comment I look back over your query and realize E.E. has already made the same point. (Oops.) But seriously, consider listening to him on this one.Chicoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16504144663440678542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66566031344046470642017-04-08T16:49:12.588-04:002017-04-08T16:49:12.588-04:00I don't have a whole lot to add, except that w...I don't have a whole lot to add, except that when I first read the query I thought it took place in a normal high school, with the main character accidentally getting drawn into the paranormal by ticking off a disguised magical creature. If that's your plot, you may not want to say it takes place in a magic school at the end of your query. If the setting IS someplace like Hogwarts or Professor Xaviar's school for the gifted, you should consider making that clear from the beginning.Chicoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16504144663440678542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13421927966353495662017-04-08T16:47:19.639-04:002017-04-08T16:47:19.639-04:00I really liked your first paragraph, and I didn...I really liked your first paragraph, and I didn't have an issue with the body swapping. It sounded fun. I agree that we need more grounding in the world, though, and a bit more about Kennedy and Adina's blossoming relationship. You've got room to do it. If you trim down/combine the paragraphs that aren't describing the contents of the novel, you could add another full paragraph of description if you wanted. Something like this could go at the end of the query:<br /><br /><i>WORST OF LUCK is an 80,000-word YA fantasy which will appeal to fans of Anna Banks’ Syrena Legacy Series and David Levithan’s Every Day. It is a stand-alone with series potential. I am a freelance editor and the lead author on a scientific publication about the endangered Georgetown salamander. </i><br /><br />Be wary of telling us things the query already effectively shows. For example, "quirky humor" and "unlikely romance" don't feel necessary, because you've done such a good job of showing them.<br /><br />Sounds like an exciting story! :)Chelsea P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05640616327350485458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-55918363021560331702017-04-07T21:29:59.930-04:002017-04-07T21:29:59.930-04:00I saw this as more of a Middle Grade story, except...I saw this as more of a Middle Grade story, except for the possible death thing. The tone is so light here.<br />Body swapping or hopping is almost always considered humorous or played for laughs. It's also frequently parodied. Consider Red Dwarf's appropriately named "Bodyswap," a parody of sci-fi "other body inhabiting" episodes. The episode of Star Trek Voyager in which the hologramatic Doctor is temporarily inhabiting the Borg Seven's mind is also played for camp. And there are quite a few others. Considering this history, it's hard to take the rest of the plot seriously. Maybe there are possible dangerous consequences here, but they're just glanced over in favor of mentioning a schoolboy crush developing, and it's all just too cute.<br /><br />I'd suggest re-writing this so it doesn't sound like some type of anime fanfiction, tone down the absurdity a bit, and make it clear what the stakes are, or at least that there ARE stakes. The way it's written now it's like a cartoon.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34317466449165574692017-04-07T18:23:41.922-04:002017-04-07T18:23:41.922-04:00I don't read YA, but would advise you to step ...I don't read YA, but would advise you to step back from this and really sharpen everything. It is easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of your own story, but you've got to get the orchestration right. Answer all the questions and walk away from the book for a week or so. Revisit it with a fresh perspective.CavalierdeNuithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09862976676163347369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29642466016068195392017-04-07T17:33:47.878-04:002017-04-07T17:33:47.878-04:00When I read 'body hop', I immediately dism...When I read 'body hop', I immediately dismissed this as a fake plot. Maybe it's just me, but 'possess' seems more accurate. Kennedy finds himself inside people's minds, right? To me, it sounded more like he was bumping into people, prior to reading all the way through. <br /><br />I think the consept has promise, and I like the weirdness of this boy developing feelings towards the... creature(?) that cursed him. If this is intended for teenagers, I don't see a problem with evil adults, especially big shots. I'm pretty sure that's how teenagers see adults anyway, or am I wrong? <br /><br />My main nitpick is the 'body hop', that would probably be better at a middle school fiction, but again, that's subjective.<br /><br />I would definitely follow EE's advice on the query, but (DON'T SMITE ME, OH WISE ONE!!!) I don't necessarily agree, that senators and rebels are a bad fit here. I personally witnessed an awesome political debate between some teens at a hospital last year, which seemed much more thought out and informed, than the conversations between adults on that topic. Than again, I may have been a bit high on shrooms... <br /><br />Either way, good luck author.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24929467718570594452017-04-07T13:28:45.516-04:002017-04-07T13:28:45.516-04:00I know there are people/creatures called zoandrian...I know there are people/creatures called zoandrians in this book and they have their own government. What I don't know is where this book takes place (other than a school for magic) and what relationship zoandrians have to everyone else. Is this set on earth or some fantasy world? Are zoandrians a normal subdivision of society or a secret society or what?<br /><br />Also we don't know what Kennedy or Adina are trying to do about their situation.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com