tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4649667591622442258..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 260Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7985742534809014232007-04-17T22:49:00.000-04:002007-04-17T22:49:00.000-04:00I also liked the description, but thought his name...I also liked the description, but thought his name was kind of a cliche. His dialogue was good; but the narrator's seemed to stumble into awkwardness at times. Loved the continuation!McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47346991083872300752007-04-17T20:33:00.000-04:002007-04-17T20:33:00.000-04:00Oh, and I really liked the continuation, too! It d...Oh, and I really liked the continuation, too! It didn't go where I expected, which is cool. I thought someone might have Eddie keep avoiding telling the MC a price, but I like your idea better, anonymous!Wonderwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13118126631519254865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62161227842685444532007-04-17T20:25:00.000-04:002007-04-17T20:25:00.000-04:00Thanks for the comments. This isn't the opening of...Thanks for the comments. This isn't the opening of the story, truth be told. It's the opening of the sixth chapter, and Eddie is a character that doesn't get a lot of page space in the big picture, but his role is significant. <BR/><BR/>Robin, that line you mentioned has been bothering me. I added another short dialogue sentence following the description (after I posted this), and it seems to work better, but I'll probably keep tinkering with it. Glad my instincts are in tune with someone else's ;-)<BR/><BR/>Lisa, yeah, I know. I gave him Newman as a last name as sort of a joke, it'll most likely change.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the encouragement and insights!Wonderwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13118126631519254865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91216680347567342382007-04-17T18:54:00.000-04:002007-04-17T18:54:00.000-04:00The Hustler. The Color of Money.Fast Eddie Felson ...The Hustler. The Color of Money.<BR/>Fast Eddie Felson played by Paul Newman.<BR/>Please don't do that to us.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02665301978064473748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14230050364532905192007-04-17T16:44:00.000-04:002007-04-17T16:44:00.000-04:00This is a great description of the used car salesm...This is a great description of the used car salesman but it doesn't thrill me as an opening. I guess it's because I don't have any sympathy for car salesmen (Hmmm, the guy who sold me the car I drive better never hear that). But you see, the dentured, bad dressing, hungover (eyes and nose) used car salesman with a comb-over like a bad bar code doesn't make a compelling hero. He's colorful (red, yellow putty, and pearly white), and he's a character. Put him in green pants and call him a leprechaun. ;)<BR/><BR/>I'm guessing that Eddie is the hero and Carmen is his friend and Eddie is too broke to pay for a new car and has to frequent the corner used car lot.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90164219434148699442007-04-17T15:13:00.000-04:002007-04-17T15:13:00.000-04:00I like the descriptions in this one. I like the "t...I like the descriptions in this one. I like the "tiny capillary explosions" and his denture description.<BR/><BR/>The used car salesman deal is a little long in the tooth, but I'd be fine with it if this is going somewhere new that's interesting to me.<BR/><BR/>A sentence I'd consider taking out or changing is: "He mopped his forehead and put on his sunglasses but they didn’t cool him down any."Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-17721693815822820402007-04-17T10:38:00.000-04:002007-04-17T10:38:00.000-04:00Not bad visuals - though this sort of car salesman...Not bad visuals - though this sort of car salesman is a hoary cliche. <BR/>Consider "Fast Eddie's nose bent to the right" rather than "was bent."<BR/>And "his glazed, bloodshot eyes simmered under a sagging brow" rather than "His eyes were bloodshot..."<BR/>Think that "His dentures were in surprizingly good shape" is adequately covered further down with "His dentures gleamed."Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.com