tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4622460916952536360..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Synopsis 59Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62631269060323563782017-06-13T13:26:49.920-04:002017-06-13T13:26:49.920-04:00I didn't think an updated post could somehow b...I didn't think an updated post could somehow be <i>worse</i> than the previous one, but there you go: It happened.<br /><br />This needs to flow better. Evil Editor is right in that there is too many unexplained things. "More killer, less filler" as the saying goes.<br /><br />Also:<br /><br /><i>[The New Age treatment for deep depression: reading about people who've got it worse than you.]</i><br /><br />YASSSSSSSS Slay, Evil Editor. I'm so sick of able-bodied folks using disabled folks for their "feel good" stories.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45826281948980562642017-06-10T20:15:45.712-04:002017-06-10T20:15:45.712-04:00I was really struggling with the 400 word limit. m...I was really struggling with the 400 word limit. my original is closer to 800 words.<br /><br />So certain things were left on the cutting room floor. <br />-the character of Jen's father and the fact that he was the reason she had to leave the state for her own safety. (Her mother wanted to terminate and was willing to do so against Jen's will.)<br />-While Sean is in a coma Sara starts a relationship with Johnny.<br />-Sean want to follow Sara to California, because he believes her to be his only friend. And wants to stay with her even though he would not be going to school with her.<br />-The ghosts are dead relatives of Sean's, including his biological mother who committed suicide, and his grandmother who cut him from her corpse. They ask him to "Seek the truth." And that is why he "asks Sara for help" in stealing their birth certificates (since that's as logical of an idea as any.)<br /><br /><br />He was given human growth hormones which caused him to become sexier then he would have been biologically. I will definitely scrap that for a different word. <br /><br /><br />And i agree not mentioning his adopted father in the beginning would make the ending make more sense. <br /><br />And I will find a way to convey why the modeling was important (summery- Sean is in CA, he has his girl back but he's a little depressed about the fact he is not going to school, not working- so he has no future and no way of supporting his family. Jen takes a bunch of photos of him and post them to her Instagram and the response is more then either of them expected....)<br /><br />St0n3h3ng3 - my original word count for was 200k, so this is part 1 of 2, but i can see cutting it in to smaller pieces. <br /><br />And finally <br />[She makes Johnny promise, she forces Sean to work at UCLA . . . How does she have such power over other people?]<br />I giggled at this line. Sara is a seriously manipulative individual, the kind of person who will hit someone in the crotch one moment and give a pouty face the next. <br /><br /><br />dourdanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06611601188950499627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-55497168348844531522017-06-09T22:57:57.305-04:002017-06-09T22:57:57.305-04:00Is there a story here? It's more like a soap o...Is there a story here? It's more like a soap opera for young adults. It's episodic. A series of dramatic circumstances occurs to the main characters and their girlfriends/boyfriends. Particular tropes: Hidden adoption, someone falling into a coma, someone realizing his or her dream to become a model/movie star, and of course, attempted suicide. <br /><br />Have you thought of pitching this as a show?<br />It appears to be way too much for one book. It might be a YA or New Adult series of relatively short books if you want to keep it going longer. Kindle Unlimited does this type of thing. That way people aren't paying too much for relatively short books with cliffhanger endings.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34443210399242670292017-06-09T16:46:39.835-04:002017-06-09T16:46:39.835-04:00Perhaps you were trying to keep within a brief pag...Perhaps you were trying to keep within a brief page length, but I don't feel like I really got a sense of the book from this synopsis. <br /><br />Are Sean's real parents in California, or is California just a great place to go to collage? Do the ghosts reveal that Sean is adopted, and is that why he went to California? Why does his being adopted matter? Is cystic fibrosis hereditary? Is that why Sean's girlfriend left? Is she afraid their child will also have cystic fibrosis and that she'll need her grandmother's support to raise it? <br /><br />I am trying to make all the pieces of the story connect in my head, but I'm afraid in the synopsis those connections are missing, so all I can do is guess. I'm sorry to be so harsh. Most likely you know the story so well you didn't realize the connections weren't obvious. I hope I didn't discourage you. Telling an entire novel in one (or even a few) pages is not easy.Chicoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16504144663440678542noreply@blogger.com