tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4389119906428651618..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 807Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75004033603131505682010-08-31T19:03:18.778-04:002010-08-31T19:03:18.778-04:00Why uranium radiation would boost a sense I have n...<i>Why uranium radiation would boost a sense I have no idea. I consider this trope one of most tired, overused, and anti-scientific of explanations for "powers" in fiction.</i><br /><br />An isotrope presumably?<br /><br /><i>An unexpected thunderstorm brings a group of friends closer than they could ever imagine [as they all take shelter in a phone booth].</i><br /><br />Isn't that dangerous, knowing how payphones are only after one thing?Cliffhttp://www.may.be/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-87572179194678113942010-08-14T12:16:15.641-04:002010-08-14T12:16:15.641-04:00Ah, no, MGE, it's the unique combination of yo...Ah, no, MGE, it's the unique combination of young people, uranium, and lightning, you see. Couldn't happen any other way....<br /><br />Seriously, that kind of handwavium was ok in 1950s comics, but it won't really cut it in a novel today.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60710489485384584632010-08-13T16:01:56.193-04:002010-08-13T16:01:56.193-04:00If taking shelter in an abandoned uranium mine for...If taking shelter in an abandoned uranium mine for a few hours gives you super powers imagine what powers the miners must have!M. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24202296686751077002010-08-13T11:04:59.398-04:002010-08-13T11:04:59.398-04:00You should check out Toxic Avenger. I think the v...You should check out Toxic Avenger. I think the vat of toxic ooze option for gaining super powers sounds much more entertaining than "Hiding in an old abandoned uranium mine to avoid the storm." But the general idea of gaining super powers, if done well, certainly is sellable.<br /><br />I would suggest that you tighten up that first paragraph as per EE's suggestion. If Zoe is the main character, introduce her in the first paragraph, something like, "Zoe and her friends shelter from a storm in an old mine, with life-changing consequences. Turns out their shelter is an abandoned uranium mine, and several days later they are developign super powers!" Then you can state the gist of the plot.<br /><br />What you've written here is suffering from disorganization. If you have to, write an outline of the important points in order of importance and base your paragraphs on that. And then look at what you are saying and remove extraneous phrases, clauses and mentions of things not on the outline. That should help you get the basic information down. Then you can pretty it up.<br /> <br />And I'd totally like to see #5. Reminds me of that Stallone movie "Stop or my mother will shoot you" or something like that, when his mother was visiting and insisted on "helping" him solve crime.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-56496988564466981462010-08-13T01:34:40.163-04:002010-08-13T01:34:40.163-04:00Condense the first paragraph as EE suggested, then...Condense the first paragraph as EE suggested, then give us the rest of the plot clearly, specifically, and concisely. And it wouldn't hurt to be specific about what the superpowers (or Zoe's, at least) really are and do.<br /><br />Thanks, Buffy--that's good to know about Strunk & White. Even without that, though, I kept breaking their rules. My recommended alternatives are the Turkey City Lexicon and How Not to Write a Novel._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25357751480527675912010-08-12T22:56:19.845-04:002010-08-12T22:56:19.845-04:00I think the concept of six people is that there ha...I think the concept of six people is that there has to be six people because there are five sense and then the <i>sixth sense,</i> and each of them gets a boosted sense except for the sixth girl, our protagonist, whom gets the super-sixth sense.<br /><br />Why uranium radiation would boost a sense I have no idea. I consider this trope one of most tired, overused, and anti-scientific of explanations for "powers" in fiction.<br /><br />However, we already know what the actual sixth sense is: balance :P<br /><br />So, Zoe sets out to battle super-evil with her preternatural sense of balance. "You can't trip me! Come on, just try to trip me!"<br /><br />Oh no, the doomsday machine is on that other rooftop, we went to the wrong building! How will we make it there in time?!<br /><br />Zoe: "Wait, see that powerline between here and there? I am about to save the day. Superbalance, on!" <br />*Cartwheels across the powerline*<br /><br />:P Seriously though, this was another super-funny query, EE ;)<br /><br />Author: The query itself is a mess. The prose is laborious. I don't think it would matter what your actual book is about, the prose is so chunky that you'd have trouble publishing any book at all no matter how exciting the plot.<br /><br />Words are your tools, you must master them, you have to learn to polish for flow. Maybe read some William Gass. <br /><br />And yes, your query is taken as a representation of the sophistication of your novel's language usage. It wouldn't be a bad use of anyone's time to spend literally weeks polishing a query before sending it out.<br /><br />As for Strunk & White, it's bad enough that <i>Elements of Style</i> is on such a pedestal when they got so much stuff just plain wrong. It's good in general. Just don't use S&W as a Bible, that's all I'm saying.<br /><br />Still, S&W is valuable for the average person who hasn't yet assimilated even the most basic style points :P<br /><br />(word verification: tureab<br />Anagram for "Tea Rub" or "Tub Era" :P )M. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70780406405205849252010-08-12T18:35:48.438-04:002010-08-12T18:35:48.438-04:00Got a few needless words of your own, there!
(wor...Got a few needless words of your own, there!<br /><br />(word ver: kerfl = how careful will be spelt in 100 years)nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2173266726879527322010-08-12T17:48:20.329-04:002010-08-12T17:48:20.329-04:00Another point to make about Strunk & White: it...<i>Another point to make about Strunk & White: it was never intended to refer to fiction.</i><br /><br />I think I love you, Buffy.<br /><br />Author: Details, please, as 150 says. Also, what makes your MCs heroes? Ripley introduced us to several hundred people with extraordinary abilities in the <i>Believe It or Not</i> series. I don't think any of us think of those people as heroes (or villains). Superpowers alone do not a super<i>hero</i> make.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42082950941742596742010-08-12T17:14:27.301-04:002010-08-12T17:14:27.301-04:00"Change his name to Kraken. Also, make him a ..."Change his name to Kraken. Also, make him a Kraken"<br /><br />EE IS BACK!!!<br /><br />just an fyi: a book just came out titled Radium Halos. You could still use it, but might be confusing.<br /><br />http://www.amazon.com/Radium-Halos-novel-Painters-ebook/dp/B002FL3K40Stephen Prosapionoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-64547930127032905832010-08-12T17:13:19.802-04:002010-08-12T17:13:19.802-04:00Not a huge fan of Strunk & White myself, but &...Not a huge fan of Strunk & White myself, but 'All but one never considers...' left me entirely confused. Means what? <br /><br />This feels more middle-grade than YA (actually, it reminds me of the Power Rangers, only with the rainforest kid as the possible villain). It could be good fun, but I'd like a clearer idea of the tone. Angsty? Snarky? Giggly? Dark?batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12959875228940043922010-08-12T16:18:53.657-04:002010-08-12T16:18:53.657-04:00GTP #5 would make a really great movie.GTP #5 would make a really great movie.Elliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10592356672960746162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-87364477972226815632010-08-12T16:15:16.318-04:002010-08-12T16:15:16.318-04:00"Omit Needless Words" applies to everyth..."Omit Needless Words" applies to everything, and oh, does it ever apply to this....Erichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09440250912113010049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2340365691427353682010-08-12T15:14:42.891-04:002010-08-12T15:14:42.891-04:00Another point to make about Strunk & White: it...Another point to make about Strunk & White: it was never intended to refer to fiction.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41446984427240102392010-08-12T14:43:21.354-04:002010-08-12T14:43:21.354-04:00A READING from the book of Strunk & White, Sec...A READING from the book of Strunk & White, Section III, Rule 12:<br /><br /><i>Put statements in positive form.</i><br /><br />Therefore: "All but one never considers" --> "Only one considers."<br /><br />And a benediction lovingly penned by 150:<br /><br />BE SPECIFIC.150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-977024144126203802010-08-12T14:14:38.499-04:002010-08-12T14:14:38.499-04:00All but one never considerS the possibility of a s...<i>All but one never consider<b>S</b> the possibility of a sixth sense.</i><br /><br />The subject of that sentence, is "all." Hence, "All but one never consider the possibility" etc. But it's still awkward. "None but one ever consider" -- nope. "Only one of them ever considers" etc. How about that?<br /><br />I just submitted a Guess the Plot that included a phone booth. I think the phone booth could become a fixture here, like Alfred Hitchcock's cameo in all his films.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com