tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4131117706147484177..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 1061Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83266547836305510212016-12-27T08:32:06.302-05:002016-12-27T08:32:06.302-05:00For those new here, the blue words, which include ...For those new here, the blue words, which include the jumping in front of the car, are not part of the author's opening--although in many cases they <i>should</i> be.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83993746000758769542016-12-27T08:24:49.957-05:002016-12-27T08:24:49.957-05:00I enjoyed the voice in this piece. I agree there a...I enjoyed the voice in this piece. I agree there are some detail issues, but those are easier to correct than voice is, so I think you're well on your way. I also liked the repetition of the general's thoughts and the boy's actions, ie: when he jumps in front of the car. It's sort of funny and intriguing. Though I don't really understand what's happening in an overall sense, I'd keep reading. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18358378522011453302016-12-27T05:17:18.213-05:002016-12-27T05:17:18.213-05:00I agree, the sequence of events is a little confus...I agree, the sequence of events is a little confusing. Good use of voice, though. That would have kept me reading.<br />You've got me wondering what caused the blister invasion, and I'm kind of hoping it's related to an alien abduction...then again, I'm weird.<br />They use 'pulled a face' in Britain, but mothers tend to be called Mum, not Mom, so it's hard to place the setting.<br />Keep going,there's potential there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84876629123441279212016-12-26T21:50:34.460-05:002016-12-26T21:50:34.460-05:00Yeah, there aren't any real connections here. ...Yeah, there aren't any real connections here. Why is someone wearing a knit cap (ski mask? Balaclava?) in the dog days of summer? Is it because the blisters attacked? But I thought they just now came on, so why was he already wearing a mask? It sounds like he didn't anticipate this, so wearing the cap makes no sense in that context.<br /><br />What type of clinic? An allergy clinic? Or are the blisters from sunburn? Or are they psychosomatic symptoms brought on by the thought of having gym class? Why hasn't he been in gym class all year?<br />What does a chocolate cake have to do with it? Is it a sympathy cake?<br /><br />I've heard "pulled a face" before. I think it depends on where you're from. At least it didn't strike me as odd. <br /><br />Yeah, unless he was looking at a thermometer, he wouldn't know when the temperature "hit" 93 degrees.<br /><br />Yeah, is this kid gay? I realize it's a stereotype, but then again, it's a character, not a person. So, how does he identify a "fuchsia clutch?" Wouldn't he think of it as a little bright-pink purse instead?<br />Perhaps you should be writing from a different point of view. If you use third person it wouldn't matter much about things like the purse.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28095996865595290252016-12-26T17:58:11.671-05:002016-12-26T17:58:11.671-05:00You sometimes see 'pulled a face' in histo...You sometimes see 'pulled a face' in historical romances.khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.com