tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3856557329009352266..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 826Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84293246766590053412010-10-02T01:08:51.152-04:002010-10-02T01:08:51.152-04:00I liked GTP #3, too.
This sounds like a fun story...I liked GTP #3, too.<br /><br />This sounds like a fun story. I stumbled over the him/he thing, too, but if this kind of writing is in the book it won't really matter because teenagers won't notice.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6087907019427801632010-10-01T14:37:31.155-04:002010-10-01T14:37:31.155-04:00My other pet peeve -- aside from incorrect pronoun...My other pet peeve -- aside from incorrect pronouns -- is the redundancy of "What's your PIN number?" or "What's the ISBN number?" The "N" stands for "number"! Arrgh!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26540561208227700232010-09-30T13:33:38.699-04:002010-09-30T13:33:38.699-04:00Better to have it correct than colloquial
And if ...<i>Better to have it correct than colloquial</i><br /><br />And if it goes to a less-sophisticated agent or content editor who's only familiar with the colloquial style that falls more pleasingly on the ear and they perceive the formal style as 'wrong'? I think that scenario is more likely. Overthinking every word on the page can suck the life right out of a manuscript.<br /><br />Informal is not automatically incorrect. If an editor or agent doesn't accept that platitude in a medium where style is king, then perhaps genre superhero fiction wouldn't be a fit for them anyway. IMO.<br /><br />Debates are fun! We haven't had a good grammar debate here in ages. I hope you stick around, Anon. Maybe we'll be tag-teaming it on the next issue that crops up ;o)Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36228766049409933062010-09-30T10:28:10.391-04:002010-09-30T10:28:10.391-04:00Phoenix -- And if the query goes to an agent or ed...Phoenix -- And if the query goes to an agent or editor who's a grammar junkie? Better to have it correct than colloquial...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66844585024881704752010-09-29T16:51:04.039-04:002010-09-29T16:51:04.039-04:00Sean,
Sorry I'm late to the party. Nice to see...Sean,<br />Sorry I'm late to the party. Nice to see I've got *others* on my "stop the bad titles" bandwagon, so I won't pile on there.<br /><br />This was one of the most entertaining and gripping queries I've read on this site in a long time. Nice job. LOVE how you have multiple layers of conflict and keep turning the screws throughout the query. If the novel is like that, you've hit paydirt!<br /><br />Only suggestion would be to be a bit more specific with the Fiend in the last paragraph since I imagine that's the core of the story's plotline.<br /><br />Nice work!Stephen Prosapiohttp://www.prosapio.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75307001010660308152010-09-28T17:46:59.728-04:002010-09-28T17:46:59.728-04:00As always, extraordinary feedback from EE and the ...As always, extraordinary feedback from EE and the Minions. Thank you all very much.<br /><br />And, to paraphrase Mr. Dylan, 'The title are a-changin''.smcchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07620930241564042191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78110027715612164032010-09-28T17:30:03.099-04:002010-09-28T17:30:03.099-04:00Phoenix, I honestly thought the query implied that...Phoenix, I honestly thought the query implied that the entire world consists of superheroes ("In a world full of superheroes...") If that's not the case, and this <i>is</i> like "The Incredibles", perhaps changing how the opening is worded might make it clearer...but then some reassurance that this isn't Incredibles fan fiction would also be helpful.<br /><br />What can I say? This is the reaction I had. (shrugs)Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-73054893884611414392010-09-28T16:32:32.740-04:002010-09-28T16:32:32.740-04:00if there's one thing the Lightning Lawman is g...<i>if there's one thing the Lightning Lawman is good at, it's giving supervillains a shock.</i><br /><br />Nice.<br /><br />Could you give us one teeny indication, however, that Alexa Franklyn is not too cliche? Beautiful, willful superheroines who can give the hero a lickin' are pretty standard. It's probably too late for the book itself, but I'd get a huge kick if she were a few years older than Cobalt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86590597204490582472010-09-28T15:06:07.407-04:002010-09-28T15:06:07.407-04:00This does sound like a worthwhile read, but the qu...This does sound like a worthwhile read, but the query needs some work. (The title, too.)<br /><br />Paragraph 1: Pretty good, but you can cut a bit--we know what superheroes save the world from. The first 1.5 sentences are good, and I like the action figurines part.<br /><br />P2: When I started reading, I assumed he was working alone; it might help to be an eensy bit clearer on the structure of the superhero organization; eg, "Then Captain Crunch retires, leaving Nick in command of the JLA." You can cut one or two things from the lists of Alexa's traits and the team's problems.<br /><br />P3: Good, especially the "rival" ending.<br /><br />P4: Not bad, but it doesn't quite have the zing I'd like to see. Not sure why.<br /><br />P5: Go with YA superhero novel; it counts as a genre.<br /><br />So in all, you've got some revising to do, but it's definitely getting there.<br /><br />Please change the title._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41645868618465493032010-09-28T14:39:40.166-04:002010-09-28T14:39:40.166-04:00Marissa, I'm not sure I understand your argume...Marissa, I'm not sure I understand your argument. I think "a world of superheroes" here means something akin to a phrase such as "the academic world" -- it's a subset of all humanity and Nick is a rising star in that subset. For a more authoritative perspective on this, please see <i>The Incredibles</i>.<br /><br />Anonymous, I'm not sure why this casual use of the highly debated "than as a preposition vs. conjunction" gray-grammar pronoun jarred you out of this quite excellent query. As the objective form is common use and a query isn't formal writing, it really isn't worth batting an eye over, as I see it. (But I will admit to being a liberalist when faced with gray-area grammar.)<br /><br />It's a homerun, author, IMO! And I agree with EE it sounds fun but please change the title.<br /><br />GTP #3 is AWESOME! Who submitted that one??? Must know.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20070700857101289722010-09-28T12:56:00.542-04:002010-09-28T12:56:00.542-04:00Sounds like fun; good voice -- but what jarred me ...Sounds like fun; good voice -- but what jarred me out of the query was this sentence: "She's stubborn, impetuous, beautiful, and, worst of all, more powerful than him."<br /><br />That should be "more powerful than he."<br /><br />Unless you'd finish that sentence with "...more powerful than him is." you need "he", not "him".<br /><br />Yes, it matters. In this market, EVERYTHING about your query matters.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63274334713558386752010-09-28T12:46:52.354-04:002010-09-28T12:46:52.354-04:00I liked the query. I got a real sense of the conf...I liked the query. I got a real sense of the conflicts present in the story and the style of the writer. Except for maybe wanting to know a bit more about the villain, I thought this was a solid query.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83115948598771591672010-09-28T11:24:55.796-04:002010-09-28T11:24:55.796-04:00You had me at "elevator man", EE. Spew ...You had me at "elevator man", EE. Spew moment.<br /><br />I'm wondering how one can be a superhero in a world of superheroes--that's like being a human in a world of humans, isn't it?--i.e., nothing special. If everyone's a superhero, why are there still "imperilled citizens"? I agree, this sounds entertaining, but I'm not sold on the underlying concept. <br /><br />Word ver is funst. That seems fitting, somehow.Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.com