tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3810528289077309097..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 809Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69836762623679141532010-12-01T11:49:27.541-05:002010-12-01T11:49:27.541-05:00Hey guys, author here. Sci-fi is not my genre--I&#...Hey guys, author here. Sci-fi is not my genre--I'm dabbling. That said, I really appreciate the feedback.<br /><br />To clarify: The Harker moniker is an allegory of sorts... hard to explain without telling the rest of the story.NBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-58721063047106073932010-11-30T09:12:48.560-05:002010-11-30T09:12:48.560-05:00I don't see that we heard from the author on t...I don't see that we heard from the author on this, so I'm holding out hope that this will be a vampires in space story. As for the anonymous commenter who missed the Harker reference all together, I had the same reaction as Buffy. You would have to be someone who hardly reads at all to miss that. <br /><br />For some reason, the notion that DRACULA is a "vampire book" broke my heart a little.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365582623380288038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-87916761130721963932010-11-29T18:26:17.230-05:002010-11-29T18:26:17.230-05:00This could have a some cuts here and there. One th...This could have a some cuts here and there. One that stuck out was "the government issue gloves he had been given," which I thought would have been better as "his government-issue gloves."<br /><br />Sorry about the tardiness in replying._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50258134913313620572010-11-28T15:16:04.645-05:002010-11-28T15:16:04.645-05:00Quibbles about who's the protagonist aside, my...Quibbles about who's the protagonist aside, my point remains valid.<br /><br />No such thing as 'space agoraphobia' maybe, but there is such a thing as space phobia, which is a pseudo-agoraphobia, kinda, maybe?nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29610114137293799762010-11-27T06:59:36.368-05:002010-11-27T06:59:36.368-05:00"It all boiled down to a fear of the unknown...."It all boiled down to a fear of the unknown."<br />Spoiler for me. Agoraphobia is a fear of open spaces. No such thing as space agoraphobia. Sorry, <br />MacWilkins MacQueenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05601091849024992561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42468245301082484062010-11-26T11:42:24.402-05:002010-11-26T11:42:24.402-05:00I would argue that Dracula is the protagonist of D...I would argue that Dracula is the protagonist of Dracula, and Helsing etc. are the antagonists - but that's because I'm feeling contrary.<br /><br />Also, why the misspelling of Jonathan? Otherwise I'd cut you slack because Connie Willis used all the Dracula names in her WWII novel whose title I forget.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70290077398687642022010-11-25T07:27:29.700-05:002010-11-25T07:27:29.700-05:00I seem to be in a minority of one but I liked this...I seem to be in a minority of one but I liked this. It could do with a bit of tidying up (e.g. the agoraphobia section) but it seems like the start of an interesting sci fi story.fairyhedgehoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14141089706966852951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65827534612071566992010-11-25T01:46:19.251-05:002010-11-25T01:46:19.251-05:00Not reading vampire books is one thing, but the le...Not reading vampire books is one thing, but the level of cultural ignorance you need not to know JH is the protagonist of <i>Dracula</i> is pretty boggling, tbh. Better check your genre credentials!nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37864173829352943232010-11-24T19:41:48.675-05:002010-11-24T19:41:48.675-05:00Even if this were 2010 America, which I'm gues...Even if this were 2010 America, which I'm guessing it's not, Space and Defense government contracts can be very lucrative, so the idea that they tend to pay the best is not at all unbelievable. Not that I need to know about that in the first 150 words.<br /><br />I think it's less about "this isn't where the story starts," and more about concetrating on the details that are interesting and compelling, rather than "meh". No reason at all why the story <i>can't</i> start here in the airlock and still provide a hook.<br /><br />If there's a danger of suffocation in the time it takes to suit to switch to its internal air supply, I'd say that's a pretty big design flaw right there.<br /><br />Word Ver: <i>bitties</i><br />Oh, so close...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7634147603700358912010-11-24T14:46:00.352-05:002010-11-24T14:46:00.352-05:00Depends on the job. If President is your line of w...Depends on the job. If President is your line of work, then yes, you're much better off dollarwise being prez of a major corporation than of the USA. (To say nothing of the hours, and the personal security issues.)<br /><br />But if you're a teacher, at least in the US, you can expect to halve your salary if you go from the public sector to the private. (I looked into doing so at one time.)<br /><br />I think you make less starting out with FedEx than with the post office, too, though not quite to that extreme.<br /><br />We can all agree it's not a very intriguing story hook, though. Seems like filler. Bring on the vamps already.<br /><br />150's link was very illuminating.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11166972493286307292010-11-24T14:39:48.545-05:002010-11-24T14:39:48.545-05:00vkw: I think Peter Watts already did vampires in s...vkw: I think Peter Watts already did vampires in space with <i>Blindsight</i>. :)<br /><br />Anyway, I agree with the others. The story may have a lot of promise, but it doesn't start here.Elliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10592356672960746162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49297145501391936882010-11-24T14:10:43.449-05:002010-11-24T14:10:43.449-05:00So has Johnathon Harker developed a healthy fear o...So has Johnathon Harker developed a healthy fear of agoraphobia or fear of the unknown? Because, they are different phobias. Your good doctor should know this. <br /><br />The part about the government jobs is predictable, (and untrue in the real world. Government pay is usually awful compared to the private secter. Compare Barak's pay with the CEO's salary of any major corporation.)<br /><br />Anyway, I don't think you want to start your story out with a cliche or myth.<br /><br />I like the idea of vampires in space. Throw in a dragon, (or magic, but no fairies, I hate fairies), and you'll have sci-fi, fantasy and horror covered. And, under no circumstances make the vampires good or have any redeeming qualities at all. I believe monsters are monsters and never teenagers in angst. <br /><br />(I make it a point never to have any sympathy for serial killers or mass murderers. It's a thing.)<br /> <br />vkwvkwnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50620392254949411232010-11-24T13:26:01.278-05:002010-11-24T13:26:01.278-05:00Too much wandering attention, like we're follo...Too much wandering attention, like we're following thoughts of someone sitting at home at the computer drinking coffee while they ponder various matters on a theme of spacewalking. We suppose a guy on the verge of his first trip out would be focused and intensely engrossed in his task. Plus, like they said, we wonder if this is starting in the right place. Maybe a bit later would be better. <br /><br />I don't read vampire books so I don't know about this Jonathan Harker connection. Maybe that's not intended. It's always a good idea to google possible names of your main characters and if they're already in use as major characters in someone else's fiction, maybe choose something else for yours. Both to minimize confusion, and to avoid potential trademark issues. Writing a mystery series about a police detective in Ohio named Harry Potter, for instance, would cause a lot of confusion about your intent for the book. But if you decide to name your boy wizard Harry Potter, everyone will throw your queries straight in the trash.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76910192623976150612010-11-24T11:39:30.611-05:002010-11-24T11:39:30.611-05:00alaskaravenclaw deserves a haha.alaskaravenclaw deserves a haha.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18791095831349719592010-11-24T10:55:23.775-05:002010-11-24T10:55:23.775-05:00If you use the name "Johnathan Harker" t...If you use the name "Johnathan Harker" then the peril is a vampire. <br /><br />So three words into the story we know the villain and at the end of the first paragraph (50 words), the reader knows that the story is set in outer space.<br /><br />The agoraphobia is filler. Everyone astronaut overcomes agoraphobia and the government stuff is a dreadful, predictable bore. <br /><br />Harker doesn't have to float out of the airlock and into the arms of a vampire but he does have to do something interesting and revealing.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65619542816599238902010-11-24T10:54:55.889-05:002010-11-24T10:54:55.889-05:00You can take out "It was ironic." And I ...You can take out "It was ironic." And I had to back up because of the way you use "illuminated." How about "lit up"?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70849826182461457172010-11-24T10:47:21.841-05:002010-11-24T10:47:21.841-05:00Agree with Ms. Squirrel. Author is worldbuilding w...Agree with Ms. Squirrel. Author is worldbuilding when s/he needs to be getting us into the story. <br /><br />Re the fear of agoraphobia, I just assumed Dr. H knew he had nothing to fear but fear itself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-368283377114637732010-11-24T10:10:31.883-05:002010-11-24T10:10:31.883-05:00http://www.shrovetuesdayobserved.com/flight.html
...http://www.shrovetuesdayobserved.com/flight.html<br /><br />Word ver = fecklete, which can be taken in so many wonderful directions150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77035577499156524132010-11-24T10:03:07.985-05:002010-11-24T10:03:07.985-05:00This isn't where the story starts. Try again.This isn't where the story starts. Try again.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19432359581697113062010-11-24T09:37:36.519-05:002010-11-24T09:37:36.519-05:00Either Harker is going to meet up with vampires on...Either Harker is going to meet up with vampires on his mission, or you need a new name for your astronaut.<br /><br />Presumably he hasn't developed a fear of space agoraphobia, he's developed a case of it.<br /><br />Government jobs tended to pay the best . . . seems to come out of nowhere, i.e. it seems to have nothing to do with the paragraph it's in. If you can't show the connection, move it elsewhere.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46093173740570143232010-11-24T09:29:07.209-05:002010-11-24T09:29:07.209-05:00Unchosen continuation:
Take the committee that h...Unchosen continuation:<br /><br /><br />Take the committee that had planned this mission; a collection of second-string characters if he'd ever seen one: Bhob Cratchit, Ben Ghun, Mihles Archer, Belle Whatling, Whinthrop Paroo, Hoofy Prosser and Cedric Dhiggory. At least they had to draw the line at Winnie the Poohh. <br /><br />--Paul PennaEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com