tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3752384261997238833..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Synopsis 58Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84078659223905768172017-03-01T20:59:52.611-05:002017-03-01T20:59:52.611-05:00"This frightens him and he escapes, joining h..."This frightens him and he escapes, joining his friends on an adventure."<br />Escapes what? Service on the ship? Are the friends TRISTAO, RUI and MIGUEL? What adventure? What goes wrong?<br /><br />I agree that if anyone was abandoned, it was Laura. You can't just visit every once and a while like Santa Claus and call that a relationship. People need people who are actually there.<br /><br />There's a whole lot of grieving, not trusting, going out to sea and doing non-specific things, feeling guilty, and reflecting on life. What does Jay DO, though? It almost seems like part of the story is missing. <br />You mention war briefly, but not which war or what his position is. Or how Miguel dies. Cannonball? Flaming arrow? <br /><br />Why does Tristao care about Joana's adultery? Is he involved with her, too? Or is he involved with Rui? This seems like something one would do out of bitterness. It comes across as pointlessly cruel.<br /><br />I feel part of it is confusing or vague, and part of it seems dull. I really want to spice it up a bit. Besides the one-millisecond mention of a war, what happens? For instance, when you say "adrift on the ocean," do you mean shipwrecked? If so, say so, for crying out loud. It is much more exciting than "adrift."<br /><br />I feel like you're focusing on the wrong things here. Unless your story is literally just about a sailor's changing moods, put in the parts that make people want to read it. <br /><br /><br /><br />St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35822621428806807512017-03-01T16:51:10.322-05:002017-03-01T16:51:10.322-05:00I realize there's not a lot of room for a time...I realize there's not a lot of room for a time-spanning historical epic in a synopsis. You don't need to include all the details, only the ones that will enable you to tell the complete through-line of the story. It might help to start small and build until you run out of room. Maybe start with your conclusion:<br /><br />In his old age, Jay finds peace after being visited by the son he never knew he had.<br /><br />Reaching back in time (and into the story), add a few sentence as to why this is the result of the visit and why he never knew he had a son, being as specific as possible. Rearrange the sentences if necessary so you don't repeat information.<br /><br />While a young sailor, Jay falls in love with a tavern wench, Laura, in Lisboa. On a return trip to Lisboa, he finds Laura has married and has a son. In his old age, Jay is visited by Laura's son who informs Jay he's his father. This discovery by an unknown relative helps Jay find closure to losing his own sister at a young age.<br /><br />Add more sentences building on the story until you run out of room.<br /><br />I realize my guesses here aren't going to be accurate accurate, but I hope they help you see what I mean.<br /><br />Good LuckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11682460444082141162017-03-01T14:46:00.957-05:002017-03-01T14:46:00.957-05:00I get that initially, Jay wants to escape from his...I get that initially, Jay wants to escape from his home and the grief caused by his sister's death (though the synopsis should probably include that). But after he does escape, I'm not sure what he wants anymore. That and the vagueness of his time spent considering his life makes it hard to understand his actions or why the knowledge that Laura's son was his brings him peace. <br /><br />Get specific about what happens and how it affects Jay. He wants to escape because "grief lingers at home" is not informative. "Because his sister died" is better. "Because his beloved sister died and home feels empty without her" or "because his sister's sudden death has eat his parents distant and emotionally numb" is better still. Same applies to Jay's reflections on his life. What happens to set him adrift in the ocean? How does he get back to land? What does he realize about his life while he's out there and why? What makes him realize he actually wants to be with Joana?InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.com