tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3618570189100249814..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1417Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82419106405894571532021-04-29T13:32:15.564-04:002021-04-29T13:32:15.564-04:00Thanks everyone. Great comments and a big help.
-...Thanks everyone. Great comments and a big help.<br /><br />-the authorTKOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10696439320975519278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27874705557027145832021-04-24T15:30:44.241-04:002021-04-24T15:30:44.241-04:00Hey author, 115K words is a bit high for suspense,...Hey author, 115K words is a bit high for suspense, expected looks like 70K-90K.<br /><br />Did you mean no ordinary *illegal* drug shipment comes with numbers and dates? How are the contents packaged that would imply this is an ordinary or not shipment? And does he think the parachute is normal?<br /><br />It's a bit of a contradiction to say he doesn't dare involve the police and then that he plans on anonymously notifying law enforcement (someone other than the police?)<br /><br />Rather than waste space telling us what your MC isn't going to do (anonymously notify the police), it would probably be more useful to tell us what he is planning on doing.<br /><br />Others have already pointed out the (lack of) logical action issues by all parties. Hopefully that's just lack of space in the query making it look that way and it's better explained in the book. For the query, try to rewrite so the questions don't arise.<br /><br />Good LuckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91782218631316774362021-04-23T17:31:24.512-04:002021-04-23T17:31:24.512-04:00Hi Author
Your story sounds like a variation on t...Hi Author<br /><br />Your story sounds like a variation on the classic 'old warrior wants to live in peace but is forced out of retirement to kick some ass' and I mean that in a good way. You've even worked in an martial arts aspect.<br /><br />I liked that the opening setting is in Appalachia. <br /><br />On the third paragraph, it breaks away from Matt to give us more of a birdseye view of the larger agencies at work. But it doesn't tell us of the personal threat to Matt and the kids. On a previous query EE suggested the author stick with information the character would know. I'm wondering if it would be a good strategy here too. Instead of explaining the bad guys' plan, tell us how things escalate for Matt. I don't know if that would work well or not, but something to consider if you haven't already. <br /> <br />Knowing what skills Matt has to deal with this threat would tell us something about your book. For example, will he and his kid students take on the baddies using taekwondo? Are there exciting mountain bike chases?<br /><br />I had the same logic question as EE - why doesn't he destroy the crate?<br /><br />I hope this is helpful to you. I would like to hear more about it. <br />Mandakinzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01057855298896415825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77984259903035148812021-04-23T00:36:58.657-04:002021-04-23T00:36:58.657-04:00"With his past, he doesn’t dare involve the p..."With his past, he doesn’t dare involve the police."<br /><br />What's Matt's status? Has he assumed a new identity? Is he wanted in some Appalachian state? For a guy who wants to live quietly and avoid law enforcement, he gets awfully involved in this parachute shipment -- which brings me to another question. If "there’s no way he’ll let more kids die," what's he been doing in L.A. all this time? Although a parachute drop is pretty in-your-face, this can't be his first encounter with kids + drugs in ten years. <br /><br />I'm confused about Matt's fundamental motivation and character. Is he trying to leave the Appalachian thing behind, or is he still in the drug war? If he's not a cautious man, why has it been ten years since he last took a risk to get between kids and drugs? Have the parachute drop and subsequent revelations caused long-suppressed anti-drug passions to erupt?<br /><br />Finally, I don't get this plot. 1) The CIA secretly develops a drug in South America. 2) A cartel steals it. 3) A foreign agency (Russian?) is working ALL the levers and is going to release the drug on the streets of America and then blame the CIA, thus discrediting the CIA, with a bunch of drug-dead kids as collateral damage. Did I get that right? If so, I'd say the cartel is the only party whose actions make sense.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com