tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3588455820242181917..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 772Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16868286611852077212013-03-01T13:30:44.382-05:002013-03-01T13:30:44.382-05:00In your alternate history the South forms a new co...In your alternate history the South forms a new country called the Confederate States of America, and then later later you reference the northern cousin wanting to join the US air force. Would the northern states still call themselves the *United* States of America if they'd lost the war? This doesn't seem logical.<br /><br />In the same vein, if this is from the POV of someone who grew up in the CSA, I doubt he would think of the war as the "American Civil War." Civil means "occurring between citizens of the same country," which is not how history would view it in your alternate version. <br /><br />I believe the South refused to call it the Civil War even in our own history and instead called it "The War between the States," although someone south of the Mason-Dixon line might correct me on that.Kelseynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40513112331967917562010-05-24T15:41:22.434-04:002010-05-24T15:41:22.434-04:00This seems like an interesting idea, but I'm c...This seems like an interesting idea, but I'm confused what kind of book this is. Jeremy is dealing with slavery and civil rights. Teresa is fighting with a mad scientist who wants to destroy the world. Their cousin wants to join the air force. Three different plots, three different characters, three different genres.<br /><br />You need to bring out the overarching plot that makes the connections between these characters logical and intuitive. If I understand this correctly, I think it's the mad scientist. Focus more on him - exactly what threat does he pose and how are our protagonists going to stop him?<br /><br />Also, if this is an alternative 21st Century where the south won the war almost 150 years ago, wouldn't Teresa, Jeremy, and Kyle be <b>very</b> distant cousins by now?Sarah from Hawthornehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18101180307355549946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13513304478233938232010-05-24T01:12:20.870-04:002010-05-24T01:12:20.870-04:00Modern slavery exists (sweat shops, sex slaves, hu...Modern slavery exists (sweat shops, sex slaves, human trafficking, etc.) so I don't find that implausible. <br /><br />75k is light for what's been described here. Better than 150k, I suppose.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78775557740372041742010-05-23T15:16:35.086-04:002010-05-23T15:16:35.086-04:00Hmm, interesting to see comments that the slavery ...Hmm, interesting to see comments that the slavery aspect is unbelievable. I don't see why that would be.<br /><br />This is a good intro to modern slavery:<br /><a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/kevin_bales_how_to_combat_modern_slavery.html" rel="nofollow">Kevin Bales: How to combat modern slavery | Video on TED.com</a>Sylviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05925593802209715440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82278528973991901612010-05-23T01:08:17.977-04:002010-05-23T01:08:17.977-04:00I would generally not listen to M.G.E. I'm not...I would generally not listen to M.G.E. I'm not sure how a setting could be offensive. Do you prefer all of your novels to be set in rainbow valleys? Novels are about conflict and the author of the query didn't shy away from introducing some of that into theirs. Were you offended by the bleakness of The Road?<br /><br />Besides, alternate histories of the U.S. are actually quite popular genres (The Plot Against America is a recent example...), don't see why it couldn't work as YA.<br /><br />That said I kind of have an idea of what's going on in this query but there is definitely a tone problem... I would take E.E.'s advice and spend less time trying to impress upon us the setting and alternate history gimmick and more time clarifying the plot. Get it out of the way up front and then tell what happens.<br /><br />Also, you could probably avoid the phrase "mad scientist". Once you say that, we will be able to think of nothing else. I mean, you're envisioning a world where slavery has lasted well into the 21st century when it was already dying out world wide by the time of the civil war, but all we can think of is the mad scientist.<br /><br />Last, do you really believe that slavery would still exist? That's really, really implausible... I mean, you're doing a pretty major historical rewrite. The world today would look nothing like the real world. Worst of all, it's a little irrelevant to modern audiences to ask them to imagine, "What if we had slaves and fell in love with one?" Easy enough to do in a world you could credibly imagine with slaves; nearly impossible in the modern world.Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30961315777463367722010-05-22T08:18:09.803-04:002010-05-22T08:18:09.803-04:00If this steampunk, then you're best off saying...If this steampunk, then you're best off saying that up front--it will help the disparate plot elements fall into place a little better. If it isn't...then I don't know. I mistrust the plot because I think slavery would have ended even if the Confederacy had seceded, so your alternate history doesn't ring sufficiently true to make me willing to suspend disbelief. I also agree that it's unclear as to whom the main focus of the story falls--can you clarify that?Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13143897597623874102010-05-22T00:45:51.704-04:002010-05-22T00:45:51.704-04:00It was indeed before my time, which leads to the t...It was indeed before my time, which leads to the time-honored reply: what worked in the past isn't necessarily publishable today.<br /><br />On the other hand, Star Trek did the same thing and, cheesy and lame as it could be, was nonetheless epic.<br /><br />In the end, it comes down to the story. If the two parts work well together in the story, it'll stand. But we all know what happens if they end up being a house divided against itself._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-22141028135416291072010-05-21T22:56:46.105-04:002010-05-21T22:56:46.105-04:00In other words, it's hard to have both post-Ci...<i>In other words, it's hard to have both post-Civil War and a mad scientist.</i><br /><br />Obviously the TV show The Wild Wild West was before your time. It was post Civil War and another mad scientist villain every few weeks.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6011738609779726482010-05-21T21:24:18.673-04:002010-05-21T21:24:18.673-04:00I don't have a clue what's going on in thi...I don't have a clue what's going on in this query, except that the concept vaguely interests me. When you rewrite it, try to keep it from sounding like the Turkey City Lexicon's "Kitchen Sink" or "Tabloid Weird." In other words, it's hard to have both post-Civil War and a mad scientist.<br /><br />I'd be pretty hesitant about comparing this to <i>Leviathan. Leviathan</i> is heavy on the steampunk and light on the alternate history; the impression this query gives is the opposite.<br /><br />Try focusing on either Alyshea and Jeremy, which is more relevant to the setting, or the mad scientist thing, which sounds like it has more plot._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-67653112429261253052010-05-21T19:36:21.244-04:002010-05-21T19:36:21.244-04:00Yow, honestly, the plot just isn't working for...Yow, honestly, the plot just isn't working for me. I don't want to imagine a world where the US broke up and slavery still exists in some section of it, and I don't think many other readers would either.<br /><br />Usually the problem is a protagonist that's offensive or boring, etc. In this case, it's the setting that's offensive.<br /><br />Even if it was a well-written book I imagine you'd have a hard time even interesting a publisher.M. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84220180951724240552010-05-21T12:38:38.913-04:002010-05-21T12:38:38.913-04:00I agree with what writtenwyrdd wrote. I also agree...I agree with what writtenwyrdd wrote. I also agree with EE that it's hard to understand when this novel takes place because while you mention 21st century in your opening line, once you get into your description, I'm thinking Civil War proper. It took me until "civil rights rally" to stop, go back and reread what you'd written.<br /><br />Unlike a lot of queries we see here, there is not enough set up for this story. Like EE suggested, "world build" in your opening lines and then ease into the conflict of the *lead* protaganist.<br /><br />Or you could just write GTP #1. Whoever wrote that, it was hilarious!Stephen Prosapiohttp://www.prosapio.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11053286210820537102010-05-21T10:34:28.449-04:002010-05-21T10:34:28.449-04:00It appears there is so much plot the book sounds l...It appears there is so much plot the book sounds like it should be 400k long instead of 75k. <br /><br />It's my sense that your letter fails you by giving us both too much AND too little in the way of information. There are too many characters and too many issues cited in the query. If your protagonist is the first cousin listed, Jeremy, then stick with his plot and avoid the subplots of the other cousins in your query.<br /><br />Also, it isn't clear on how the three cousins' problems tie together...which might scare anyone receiving your query into thinking that if you cannot describe your plot, you cannot write a cohesive novel. So maybe cut most of that detail.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.com