tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post2533514854877621705..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1374Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85339653312871021932018-05-22T05:36:29.476-04:002018-05-22T05:36:29.476-04:00Yeah, it's vague.
I can't get a handle on ...Yeah, it's vague.<br />I can't get a handle on what this kingdom is like. <br />"The story the emissary tells of how the princess was kidnapped does not make sense." Is that because she ran away?<br />"Thames begins to suspect that there is something the emissary is hiding." Like what?<br /><br />I keep reading Eza as Ezra for some reason. St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-57247299264620669912018-05-21T11:11:32.760-04:002018-05-21T11:11:32.760-04:00When you said ' Then, an emissary from a nearb...When you said ' Then, an emissary from a nearby kingdom arrives at the castle. He explains that he is looking for the Veredian prince's betrothed who has been missing for a few weeks.' I actually thought the emissary was talking to Eza, so it took a couple more reads to understand what was happening. <br /><br />Those fairy tale references didn't help me. I'd make the query a bit longer. I'd like to know what's so bad about the Prince from V-whereveritwas. I want to feel more anxiety for her. <br /><br />The first sentence didn't do much for me. I'd just start with something more like 'When Ezra flees to the small village of Rurith, she's careful about who she talks to, and what she says. She's escaped her old life by the skin of her teeth, and if all her friendships from now on are based on lies, that's a sacrifice she's more than willing to make. <br /><br />While wandering through the market square, a man offers to help her find work. ( what job? I like to know about work so I'd put it in. Also , is Rurith a castle? Because it sort of jumped from the marketplace of Rurith to a castle. Did Ezra get a job in the castle?<br />Not sure if it was just me reading tiredly but I got so confused<br /><br /><br />Just need more to know what's going on, for me. Love the idea about the secret identity, I"m a sucker for that, but this query just feels vague at the moment. <br /><br />Iamanoldvampirechildhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03220350416178077932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29998835034328400482018-05-17T17:03:12.608-04:002018-05-17T17:03:12.608-04:00Postage-stamp sized kingdom, I can understand a pr...Postage-stamp sized kingdom, I can understand a prince wandering the streets and being friendly, but I agree it might help to list the place as "the kingdom of Rurith" or "the small village of Rurith", or whatever the place officially is<br /><br />This happens, then that happens, then the other happens and it's all rather vague/generic.<br /><br />A static recitation of events like these isn't interesting enough for anyone to want to pick this book up more than another book that specifies things like<br /><br />- what secrets the main character is hiding <-- so we know the level of threat if they're found out<br /><br />- gives examples of strength/stubbornness <-- all we get is running away, becoming friends with a guy with obvious major secrets, and being taken away/kidnapped. This leaves me with an impression of a wuss who's possibly tstl<br /><br />- what the prince does to protect her <-- there's a lot of difference between denying all knowledge of her existence and attempting to hide her under his bed<br /><br />- etc. etc. etc.<br /><br />Give enough of the plot that you don't need to tell us it references fairy tales because that fact is obvious, ditto the personality of the mc<br /><br />We have a vague idea the the mc doesn't want to marry prince V, but not why, and we don't know what she does want (am I supposed to assume she and timmy want HEA?). I can assume V's minions become obstacles, but, again, you've given us no clues as to what kind or what your mc plans to do<br /><br />The concept sounds like it might be fun, but that's not enough by itself.<br />If you want, we'll take a look at a revised draft and give more opinions. Good luck.<br /><br />Side note: I've seen Eza more often as a boy's name, but that may be my locality. ymmvAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com