tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post2286989434830777488..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 947Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16380599907634584932011-08-29T20:52:23.749-04:002011-08-29T20:52:23.749-04:00I'd like to hear more from the author. This so...I'd like to hear more from the author. This sounds a little thin on the ground; you could do the story describes in an episode of the Twilight Zone, but for 60k? What else is going on in the book? Why should we read this instead of one of the existing robot-Pinocchio stories? What makes the story and the characters awesome?150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41107332605066710542011-08-29T17:26:36.094-04:002011-08-29T17:26:36.094-04:00Sounds like a middle grade plot. Dunno why you ha...Sounds like a middle grade plot. Dunno why you have these birds just put in the one appearance. Random act of violence? Sounds like they just get thwarted in 5 minutes. So there's no ongoing evil scheme, just a quality control issue. And some poor girl who is more attached to a robot than to actual people. Sad.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-64679312892767475292011-08-29T14:31:50.468-04:002011-08-29T14:31:50.468-04:00Author of Query #3> Your premise is flawed. Bl...Author of Query #3> Your premise is flawed. Blood elves are member of the Horde, while dwarves and gnomes are Alliance. They can't be in the same guild. Duh. ;)<br /><br />Author of actual query> There's definitely potential here, but i feel like the query cuts off too soon. I don't know what kind of fight Cassia might put up to protect ANNIE, what abilities she has that might help her succeed in this, or what obstacles Branston is going to throw in her way. While you don't have to tell the whole story, I'd include enough so that an editor will have some idea of whether the remainder is about Cassia and ANNIE on the run, battling a horde of enemy robots, searching the internet for clues, or something else.<br /><br />I'd like to know more about Cassia and her relationship with ANNIE so I have more reason to care what happens to them. Consider dropping the dad from the query since he isn't adding much and going into more depth about who your main character is and what she's able to do with her new robot friend that she couldn't do previously.<br /><br />"...Cassia knows such programming cannot malfunction without shutting down the android itself."<br /><br />I think what you're saying is that if ANNIE takes any kind of aggressive action, she should automatically shut down, but it's not very clear. Revise so it's easier to understand.<br /><br />It might help if you're more specific about hoe ANNIE protects Cassia. As EE said, parents would likely want a robot that's going to protect their children rather than run away. If the problem is more that instead of passively standing between Cassia and the monster birds to shield her from harm until help arrives, she goes on the offensive and snaps their necks, then you have a robot who shouldn't be able to kill, but is rather than a robot that's supposed to run away but doesn't.Ink and Pixel Clubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00023898860226517591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49886301046108631152011-08-29T14:27:18.520-04:002011-08-29T14:27:18.520-04:00I'm with ARclaw on ANNIE -- I get that it'...I'm with ARclaw on ANNIE -- I get that it's an acronym, but the first time in all-caps is enough. <br /><br />I thought this query was weak in spots. Branson "plans" to investigate? How about something more active or even sinister -- Branson is determined to investigate, or Branson schemes to unbolt Annie limb from limb? <br /><br />Another issue: I suppose it will be important in the book that Annie is a prototype and not the retail version, but it seems like an unnecessary detail in the query that could be dispensed with in favor of more important plot points. <br /><br />All I see is setup: Cassia wants to save Annie, Branson wants to take her apart. Does Cassia run away with Annie? Seek legal protection? Reverse-engineer Annie in an attempt to find out more about Branson and Annie both?journeytogaohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12708633194344557042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45510496701255587132011-08-29T14:25:33.461-04:002011-08-29T14:25:33.461-04:00I assume that ANNIE is some kind of acronym that t...I assume that ANNIE is some kind of acronym that the author hasn't explained in the query. Usually these are so contrived as to make the reader flinch.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-64055812258902594232011-08-29T14:17:14.880-04:002011-08-29T14:17:14.880-04:00Yeah, kind of like EE said, but not.
Cassia'...Yeah, kind of like EE said, but not. <br /><br />Cassia's robot saves her from imminent danger and, therefore, doesn't do what it is suppose to do. <br /><br />What is it suppose to do? runaway when there is danger or runaway when it is in danger? Besides, best friends always have each other's backs. So violating one directive may violate another directive. . . . maybe that is the meaning behind the novel. Ethical delimmas are never easy. <br /><br />Later in college, Cassia will learn that very smart professors have theories and 25 step processes on how to solve ethical delimmas. There will be an essay question on the final and a paper. <br /><br />Book Two: Cassia goes to college and becomes more confused about delimmas. <br /><br />The query doesn't say ANNIE was the focus of the pecking. So it, Annie, not being in danger, saves Cassia and, therefore, does as programmed without violating it's first directive. Is that the resolution?<br /><br />Anyway, I think Annie should violate the prime directive, (do as your programmed to do), more seriously. <br /><br />How did anyone find out about Annie's violation? Was Cassia a blabbermouth? Maybe that is the point of the story because it can't be "don't get adults involved in problems" because the prime directive for children's books is to promote a child's wellbeing and good behavior. <br /><br />Not a bad query and at second glance it sounds a bit interesting. <br /><br />vkwvkwnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16143009187202020842011-08-29T11:11:13.355-04:002011-08-29T11:11:13.355-04:00Yeah, the thing about science fiction is that it&#...Yeah, the thing about science fiction is that it's all been done before, and this of course brings up multiple memories of old, old SF books.<br /><br />Not that that's necessarily a flaw as long as the treatment is fresh.<br /><br />Before he turned to teddy bears, Frank Asch did some dark, demented little picture books, one of which was Elvira Everything, about a girl who is given a wonderful android friend by her parents and ultimately drowns it in the bathtub, IIRC.<br /><br />The all-caps ANNIE started to get on my nerves. Is it necessary?AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68248913161990839842011-08-29T10:38:24.663-04:002011-08-29T10:38:24.663-04:00No disassemble! Number Five is Alive!No disassemble! Number Five is Alive!nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54215178645601132692011-08-29T09:46:25.262-04:002011-08-29T09:46:25.262-04:00Just like someone called Branston to get themselve...Just like someone called Branston to get themselves in a <a href="http://www.rhm.com/our-brands/grocery/branston/" rel="nofollow">pickle</a>.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com