tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post1972521322051018210..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 1015Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49208538346264709332013-10-21T12:51:18.217-04:002013-10-21T12:51:18.217-04:00Author,
It seems there is some confusion as to yo...Author, <br />It seems there is some confusion as to your characters. I felt that Big Red was Mrs. Q, but it seems Big Red might also be confused with the narrator's penis. <br /><br />While I'm drawn in by colloquial speech, others find it a no-go, so tread lightly.<br /><br />Your narrator seems to assume an awful lot. At this point I can't tell if he's a stalker with rape on his mind, or a sex-up dude on his way to an appointed rendezvous with an adulterous pampered housewife. It's your job to make it clearer.<br /><br />Good luck.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18159799725109784001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16588067601965433842013-10-18T19:00:46.010-04:002013-10-18T19:00:46.010-04:00Aw gee, if you are going to be naughty and suggest...Aw gee, if you are going to be naughty and suggestive, then be naughty and suggestive. <br /><br />Like this: <br /><i>The rattle of the tail pipe echoed in my ears. It spoke to my conscience and said I didn’t belong. <br /><br />Not that this cul-de-sac was a millionaires’ enclave. She, the object of my loins, live in a plain house, considering her car, her clothes, and that giant rock on her wedding finger. <br /><br />That rock was the other thing on my mind. My little self was up to no good since this afternoon. Mrs. Q stepped out for lunch—and ‘Big Red’ and her rock, stepped in. The little self had been aiming for her big red one ever since. Hell! I was a torpedo on a collision course. My only choice to explode within her.</i><br /><br />Think of fewer words that say the same thing. That's one of my standard edits. It goes - do I need this detail, or that fact, or that piece of background? The answer is sometimes no and sometimes yes. I cut preferentially. <br /><br />Think of saying something only once... <br />This is more than once for the same thought: <br /><i>That rock was on my mind, too. I was up to no good; I knew that. But I’d been anticipating this all afternoon,</i><br /><br />Don't conditionalize things. <br />"I was pretty sure" <br />"anticipating" and then "unable to think about..." no choice, not anymore" and ":like" .<br />Try not to do that.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18217202416002233005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85785636538565408802013-10-18T14:12:01.397-04:002013-10-18T14:12:01.397-04:00Unchosen continuations:
My conjoined twin fetus...Unchosen continuations:<br /><br /><br /><br />My conjoined twin fetus on my side did not approve. He was still alive because I didn't have the heart to kill him, until now. He liked Mrs. Q because she said he was cute. She'd tickle his chin when we were in bed. Big Red did not like him, and made me wear a shirt in bed. <br /><br />Sometimes he'd yell when she moaned in pleasure. It was embarrassing. I didn't care because I called the shots and I liked Big Red. It was time to move on from Mrs. Q and my fetus.<br /><br />--CavalierdeNuit<br /><br /><br />No doubt I'd be tossing snake-eyes if Mr. Q showed. But, maybe that's what Big Red wants, my little head whispered to my big head.<br /><br />Big head almost liked the sound of that. Almost. <br /><br />Then again, big head was kinda dumb, and I hadn't been laid going on two weeks now. So, yeah, Mr. Q and his big rocks could suck it.<br /><br />--Veronica RundellEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com