tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post1933824498521168398..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 323Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51840481302371776312007-04-26T09:40:00.000-04:002007-04-26T09:40:00.000-04:00EE's version as in GTP#6, I think.This one really ...EE's version as in GTP#6, I think.<BR/><BR/>This one really didn't work for me. I think there's a novel in there somewhere but your book doesn't have to contain every actual occurrance. What happens if you start at the middle?Sylviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05925593802209715440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3131030935079616652007-04-26T08:08:00.000-04:002007-04-26T08:08:00.000-04:00As for the actual query, neither EE's version nor ...<I>As for the actual query, neither EE's version nor the actual query hooked me.</I><BR/><BR/>EE's version?Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91167803902127335312007-04-26T04:09:00.000-04:002007-04-26T04:09:00.000-04:00Hi, I agree with the comments so far. And I would ...Hi, I agree with the comments so far. And I would love to read a story about:<BR/><BR/>Before his senior year he finds himself almost penniless while riding a series of Greyhound buses across the country looking for a place to finish high school.<BR/><BR/>I think the backstory was too much, and I wasn't pulled in by the title (which is a minor issue). Can you focus on the year he's traveling on the Greyhound bus?<BR/><BR/><BR/>Good luck!<BR/><BR/>Cheers,Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6760321292724207772007-04-26T03:29:00.000-04:002007-04-26T03:29:00.000-04:00I'm bummed. I wanted to read Plots 2 and 3, and t...I'm bummed. I wanted to read Plots 2 and 3, and the real one wasn't either.<BR/><BR/>As for the actual query, neither EE's version nor the actual query hooked me. The language isn't compelling, it's missing major voice, and most of the story is so relatable that it's boring. <BR/><BR/>SINCE, (and only since) it's a memoir, I am interested in the kid who bused himself around in order to finish high school. But the reason this kid wants to finish high school needs to be mentioned. What does he see for himself if he doesn't graduate? That he'll end up like his parents? If he does graduate, it's a stepping stone to--what?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79349263969754811912007-04-25T20:00:00.000-04:002007-04-25T20:00:00.000-04:00"Hillbilly" isn't a "group of people", it's a life..."Hillbilly" isn't a "group of people", it's a lifestyle choice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72776044331980901452007-04-25T19:53:00.000-04:002007-04-25T19:53:00.000-04:00Now just a moment. I worked with a bunch of West V...Now just a moment. I worked with a bunch of West Virginians (about 500 or thereabouts) after my company merged. And they were great to work with. Much more diverse than the Pennsylvanians and a whole helluva lot friendlier. And that goes for the ones that had that awful accent and one or two teeth ... left. <BR/><BR/>Appalachia exists if only for the wooden shacks, farm animals in the yard and satellite dishes pointed up to the sky. The real story is that their kids are going to college and learning more than most citified lazy assed kids. They ain't slackers nor should we think of them as unsophisticated (Even if they do think that the shrimp platter at Shoney's is gourmet food). They are good workers and kind-hearted. <BR/><BR/>Do you think that Senator Byrd would invest that much in his state without getting a return on invenstment? Hell no!. <BR/><BR/>And sign me - north of the Mason Dixon line - A Damn Yankee!<BR/>;)Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15101850660876930842007-04-25T18:53:00.000-04:002007-04-25T18:53:00.000-04:00"The Highly Cultured Minions" would be a really go..."The Highly Cultured Minions" would be a really good name for a rock band.<BR/><BR/>The query letter was so packed with details I started skimming just for EE's comments. The only bit that really caught my eye was the whiskeys---because I listen to country music---and then the Appalachian hillbillies because, see above, I adore country music (and folk. And bluegrass. If it has a banjo, fiddle, washboard, or twangy voice, I am happy). Unfortunately then the kid took a bus away, and I lost interest again.<BR/><BR/>So, um, in actual relevant comments, you do need details---but the right ones. Like the kid's name, and what makes him a really sympathetic character we can root for through various adventures and misadventures. "Tom-Sawyer-like antics" sounded promising, as does the buses-around-the-country, but the query gets so lost in psychotic football coaches that we miss the more compelling story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28660432885502538002007-04-25T18:51:00.000-04:002007-04-25T18:51:00.000-04:00Great feedback so far. Keep it coming friends. --N...Great feedback so far. Keep it coming friends. --Nameless BoyRich Ochoahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13763709415354243606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-5933208937764004862007-04-25T16:50:00.000-04:002007-04-25T16:50:00.000-04:00This query letter sounds like a book review.To be ...This query letter sounds like a book review.<BR/><BR/>To be honest, I was uninterested in most of the story until we have the kid taking buses all over the country desperately trying to complete high school. That was really, really cool to me. What's noteworthy about this perception is this was the first place where a classic plot shined through in the query letter; i.e., the protagonist has a goal and he's doing everything he can think of to accomplish that goal with obstacles being thrown in his path.<BR/><BR/>Virtually, all of the life before that seemed like backstory at best - character formation stuff before the book's real plot started. Before this plot started we just had a really unlucky kid who endured crap. After the plot started, we got a kid who desparately wants something. I want to read about the latter.<BR/><BR/>I hate saying what book I'd like to read instead of just how to improve the query letter, but maybe my thoughts are still useful to you. Write a great query letter about the main character trying to get what he wants and then let us discover all that he had to go through to get there. <BR/><BR/>Really one chapter where he's trying to get to football practice or do his geometry while his mom is chucking Jim Beam bottles out of the window will make the point without the 15 years leading up to that very moment.pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24349308355263212082007-04-25T16:40:00.000-04:002007-04-25T16:40:00.000-04:00Author, you're giving us too many details! Try and...Author, you're giving us too many details! Try and limit yourself to three paragraphs. In the first, characterize Nameless Boy, so we care about him and want to read the next paragraph. Leave out the backstory about him being an infant, because hopefully that's not in your story anyway. Infants are not famously attention-grabbing main characters. They like, poop and make noise. That's kind of it. <BR/><BR/>The second paragraph is more about what he goes through--places he goes, maybe really important people he meets. Make sure to write it all in the same voice, and be sure you're representing how you wrote the novel in that voice. (This book practically demands third person limited, so do that--none of this boy stuff, use his name, and make sure we know how he feels about the events.)<BR/><BR/>The last paragraph should be short and sum up how the events you've described so far (which are very important events only, no subplots, and take up less than ~150 words per paragraph, please) melt into an ending. <BR/><BR/>I didn't care about your story at all until you mentioned it was true, so put that at the beginning. Is this your true story or are you writing someone else's memoirs? Tell us that too. <BR/><BR/>Good luck, and thanks for sharing with us.CSInmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16074521661647575424noreply@blogger.com