tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post1801664030517299002..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 779Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38463933186873529132010-06-07T00:37:34.552-04:002010-06-07T00:37:34.552-04:00I like 'things are never simple when the gods ...I like 'things are never simple when the gods come out to play' - keep that!<br />What confuses me is that Rachell is The One because of her heritage, but it sounds as if her father and grandfather are both living - is the heritage from her mother's side? <br />And the good old question: What's at stake for our heroine?batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40195648393730608412010-06-05T07:35:40.853-04:002010-06-05T07:35:40.853-04:00I agree with all of the above.
Slopping the pigs h...I agree with all of the above.<br />Slopping the pigs has a certain piquant charm though. Do save that bit when you restructure, please.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61137707962667814222010-06-05T04:06:01.018-04:002010-06-05T04:06:01.018-04:00Next time I'm trapped behind a wall of ice, I&...Next time I'm trapped behind a wall of ice, I'm hiring the Evil Editor to get me out.<br /><br />Um, I got that there's more to the story than what you told us (clearly a whole lot more). I didn't have any trouble understanding the story, but I think you're going about your summary the wrong way. Here's what it sounds like to me:<br /><br />"There are powerful beings who are mad at people so they release some awful monsters on the land. There's a 17 year old farm girl of noble but mysterious heritage who is The Main Character and therefore the only person capable of defeating the gods, somehow, for some reason. She makes friends, discovers herself, and defeats/or doesn't the bad guy/s."<br /><br />In other words, the story of every fantasy story ever written. Just because you made your lowly pig slopper a girl instead of a boy doesn't mean it's not a trope...<br /><br />I'm just saying. I've heard the story before so you haven't really explained to me why it's special. What's the neat thing you made up in this story that nobody else has? Where's your black cauldron? Your one ring? Your hugely complex world of magic? I want to know what's special about your story, not that it's a story about a lowly hero who saves the world. Yawn! I don't doubt that there are interesting things in your story since you hint towards them at the end, but don't be coy with me, lemme know!<br /><br />Oh, and the title feels a little grandiose. Worse, it does very little to describe your story. It feels generic. Contrast it to a title like "American Gods", which says so much about the book.<br /><br />Do the hero's journey, but try not to let us realize it until the end!<br /><br />Does anyone else ever feel like... you'll be reading the fake plots, and a lot of them will be really clever and original and could be real stories, and then you read the one that sounds like 800 books you've read before, the inevitable one about the vampire/angel with the tortured soul who wins the love of a young girl, or the one about the naive but secretly powerful teenager who must save the world, and you instantly know without a doubt that this will be the query? People are putting more twists into their summaries than their novels :PJoe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25468643513426069842010-06-04T22:21:55.256-04:002010-06-04T22:21:55.256-04:00Seems the title needs work, first of all.
Since ...Seems the title needs work, first of all. <br /><br />Since trapping gods behind a wall of ice is counter-intuitive and possibly even nonsensical, might be better to generalize on that point in the query and leave the book to expand on the specifics.<br /><br />This passage is the real meat of the query, yet it's too general and too thin: "Rachell must bridge the gap between her people and the humans she despises..." This is the place for specifics of the plot.<br /><br />I think I'd also restructure the query and begin with Rachell rather than the obstacle she faces.<br /><br />And I agree, this was the best part of the query "a world of tattooed slave sorcerers, drug-addicted dragon riders, and one-eyed gods."M. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65493978974918756492010-06-04T17:10:38.282-04:002010-06-04T17:10:38.282-04:00Agree with Ellie -- whoever wrote #3 needs to step...Agree with Ellie -- whoever wrote #3 needs to step forward for credit and an assignment to write that story!<br /><br />I hit the "God's" thing before I saw EE note it. Technically it sounds like it should be "Gods' Play" but I actually just like "Gods Play"<br /><br />Well written query. I wouldn't be concerned about selling to humans. We get eaten by werewolfs and are eaten by vampires on a regular basis and that's not stopping sales.<br /><br />I would definitely clarify about the Ice Wall. It's confusing that they're trapped and then all of a sudden are able to do stuff.<br /><br />I like the story from what I can tell though. Very creative and some nice touches (pig slop).<br /><br />Good luck!Stephen Prosapiohttp://www.prosapio.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53290169195102906862010-06-04T16:04:50.056-04:002010-06-04T16:04:50.056-04:00EE's comment about "you do realize that y...EE's comment about "you do realize that your main audience is going to be humans, right?" is bang on the mark...as a paltry human, I'm not feeling like there's anyone in this story I can empathize with, which isn't good. I'm not getting a clear picture of who Rachell is or why I should care about her and her journey...you've got the facts down here, but almost no emotion.<br /><br />EE, your "10 Ways Gods Can Get Out from Behind a Wall of Ice" was priceless. <br /><br />word ver: pesitive. Love it.Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85685834473085661252010-06-04T15:31:19.628-04:002010-06-04T15:31:19.628-04:00I've got:
* Creator Gods, who are insane and ...I've got:<br /><br />* Creator Gods, who are insane and immortal<br /><br />* The mortals who imprisoned them, who may or may not be any or all of: <br /><br />* "Rachell's people," who are non-human sorcerers of the conquered land of Amor Dal -- so they're both a separate species and a citizenry, something like the Japanese once claimed to be<br /><br />* dragons<br /><br />* the humans, who may or may not include:<br /><br />* the Creators' twisted children, whose species and mortality status are not stated but who live among the mortals<br /><br />* Sorcerer/human mongrels such as Rachell, or is she the only one?<br /><br />I'm not sure who-all falls into which group, which is the first problem. The second problem is, humans have surprising powers over sorcerers and gods.J.M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11243899014416529945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59546969572376958622010-06-04T13:45:07.849-04:002010-06-04T13:45:07.849-04:00#3 is great!#3 is great!Elliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10592356672960746162noreply@blogger.com