tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post1556521051627751820..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 617Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83788179803844818442010-04-01T05:45:39.439-04:002010-04-01T05:45:39.439-04:00i like it guy.. good jobi like it guy.. good jobazzulhttp://openstorage.gunadarma.ac.idnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48074040664622683842009-04-02T22:32:00.000-04:002009-04-02T22:32:00.000-04:00Batgirl: And he always remembers to use a (vulcani...Batgirl: And he always remembers to use a (vulcanized) rubber in the hot sex scenes...talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90899579153891853332009-04-02T17:04:00.000-04:002009-04-02T17:04:00.000-04:00If the swordsman already killed Jack's wife, what'...If the swordsman already killed Jack's wife, what's he hanging around for? Does Jack practice polygamy or something. And is it Jack's wife Sarah sees killed?_*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77191211564768772112009-04-01T22:21:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:21:00.000-04:00Hmm. Well, I guess I must know different musician...Hmm. Well, I guess I must know different musicians. The drummers I know (and have known) are as happy to be called musicians as sergeants are to be called "sir." But mostly the drummer/musician comment made me think of the hundreds of drummer jokes out there, most of which I heard from drummers (and percussionists).Elissa Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10727748060605823895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79685411426082388842009-04-01T21:16:00.000-04:002009-04-01T21:16:00.000-04:00I think 150 was going for the double entendre arou...I think 150 was going for the double entendre around Haphaestus' hotness, working in a forge and all. ;o)Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34661536109430466822009-04-01T17:42:00.000-04:002009-04-01T17:42:00.000-04:00Not sure why making Jack a musician *and* a drumme...Not sure why making Jack a musician *and* a drummer is so hilarious. You must travel in different musician circles than I do. <BR/><BR/>I personally think the idea of a Greek god of music playing the drums is pretty hot. Though I'd bet money he plays more than drums. I mean, if he's a god, he's probably got multiple talents, right?<BR/><BR/>I'm always up for a story with a good spin on old mythology. The query might not be perfect (I think enough's been said on it, especially since the author has said she's heading for a rewrite), but I'm still really curious about it and, if I were to see it in a store, would at least pick it up and read a few pages.Bobbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01846665855246867179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60028647637451477652009-04-01T15:14:00.000-04:002009-04-01T15:14:00.000-04:00Hephaestus is totally hot. Think of the chest and ...Hephaestus is totally hot. Think of the chest and shoulder development on a blacksmith. There's a reason that blacksmithing demos at medieval events draw the ladies. <BR/>Also, wounded, rejected guy with a limp and secret pain that the heroine can heal? How can you go wrong? He even comes with a cheatin', too-beautiful former wife that the heroine can look virtuous and deserving next to.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63730789429936550012009-04-01T14:13:00.000-04:002009-04-01T14:13:00.000-04:00"And yes, Jack plays music. I made him a drummer."..."And yes, Jack plays music. I made him a drummer."<BR/><BR/>You do realize that this is hilarious to a musician.Elissa Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10727748060605823895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52287047352766409802009-04-01T14:04:00.000-04:002009-04-01T14:04:00.000-04:00Hephaestus is hot. *snicker groan* Oh 150, it's to...<I>Hephaestus is hot.</I> *snicker groan* Oh 150, it's too early for this.<BR/><BR/>And too early for EE's early start on the query of questions by posting a notes section of questions. Don't think we didn't notice.<BR/><BR/>Afraid I don't have anything of value to add Brigid. You'll post a revise here, won't you?Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75324653407170076402009-04-01T09:49:00.000-04:002009-04-01T09:49:00.000-04:00How is she able to see this, rather.How is <I>she</I> able to see this, rather.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365582623380288038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72962310339758462282009-04-01T09:46:00.000-04:002009-04-01T09:46:00.000-04:00Also, as Dave said, I'd drop the rhetorical questi...Also, as Dave said, I'd drop the rhetorical questions and start with the description of the story.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365582623380288038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30124603795054359662009-04-01T09:45:00.000-04:002009-04-01T09:45:00.000-04:00I wanna know why she sees swordsmen fighting on th...I wanna know <I>why</I> she sees swordsmen fighting on the street. How is able to see this?Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365582623380288038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33921481277007360152009-04-01T06:02:00.000-04:002009-04-01T06:02:00.000-04:00That's what I think, Adam--was going to say in fac...That's what I think, Adam--was going to say in fact :).<BR/><BR/><I>I didn't realize that mentioning fate was going to make it all seem like the whole thing is predestined.</I><BR/><BR/>In which case I'm wondering what you think Fate means?nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28542162078384682612009-03-31T23:41:00.000-04:002009-03-31T23:41:00.000-04:00Does anyone else think an overbearing mother and a...Does anyone else think an overbearing mother and a sheltered upbringing would make one <I>more</I> likely to be into fantasies? Fantasies are an escape, and it sounds like this girl's childhood had plenty of need to escape.<BR/><BR/>I'm sure it's fine in the novel. So this is just more fodder for the "drop the overbearing mother" sentiment.Adam Heinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225813532455467868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2809839568540926282009-03-31T23:22:00.000-04:002009-03-31T23:22:00.000-04:00Why do the gods send a swordsman to off their vict...Why do the gods send a swordsman to off their victims when a thunderbolt or a plague would do as well and not charge time and a half for overtime?<BR/><BR/>Also, needs moles.talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16988870354285991162009-03-31T20:16:00.000-04:002009-03-31T20:16:00.000-04:00Okay, so clearly I'm on the wrong track. Thank you...Okay, so clearly I'm on the wrong track. Thank you guys for the feedback. <BR/><BR/>Sarah is the only one who sees the swordsman -- but she's the only one who sees the victims, too.<BR/><BR/>She runs into Jack's store to hide the first time she sees the swordsman. Then she keeps running into him. Fate is mentioned several times through the novel, but not in the way it must be coming across here, so I'm going to have to change that. <BR/><BR/>Jack's a pretty rough guy with a heart, so I'm obviously doing him a disservice too. Think Sawyer on "Lost." Or Whats-his-name Riggins on "Friday Night Lights." <BR/><BR/>Batgirl, your comment hit home the hardest. I need to hit this from another angle to make Sarah seem more active. I didn't realize that mentioning fate was going to make it all seem like the whole thing is predestined. Hmm.<BR/><BR/>I do manipulate several familiar Greek myths in this story, but in no way is it a retelling of anything in particular.<BR/><BR/>And yes, Jack plays music. I made him a drummer.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09215557278096889044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88381355797209764842009-03-31T19:16:00.000-04:002009-03-31T19:16:00.000-04:00If Jack is anything like Zeus, the people the swor...If Jack is anything like Zeus, the people the swordsman is killing really could all be his wives! In that never-actually-married sort of way.<BR/><BR/>Do you have lots of references to Greek myths? I hope so--literary allusions are always fun.<BR/><BR/>I agree with skipping the overbearing mom bit.<BR/><BR/>Maybe when Sarah runs around screaming, "There's a guy with a sword killing people!" the first person she runs into is Jack? If it's something like that, you could make a more logical connection.<BR/><BR/>Does Jack play any music? You know, if Sarah's fated to die for loving him, you could send him into the afterworld to fetch her back like Orpheus, who wasn't a god of music but was a really good musician (I love fairy tale/myth/classics remakes)._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66897968812779980052009-03-31T18:52:00.000-04:002009-03-31T18:52:00.000-04:00One way to revise might be to look at what Sarah c...One way to revise might be to look at what Sarah chooses, and follow that line. Right now she comes off pretty passive. She runs away from violence, that makes sense, but she doesn't choose Jack, she's effectively forced to fall in love with him by Fate's Dating Service (no refunds or exchanges).<BR/>Does she realise she's not in control of her emotions? What does she do about them? Does she give in, but struggle to protect Jack and herself? Does she try to ignore her attraction to him? <BR/><BR/>I'd suggest cutting her mother and ideas about fantasy, and spending more space on what Sarah does in the situation she finds herself in.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35737285193517289542009-03-31T17:00:00.000-04:002009-03-31T17:00:00.000-04:00Is Sarah's mom an Amazon?I don't know, I'm not swa...Is Sarah's mom an Amazon?<BR/><BR/>I don't know, I'm not swayed. Nothing here sounds particularly interesting for some reason, and others have pointed out the logical flaws. What makes this different from any other "possibly-human woman meets half-human man" plot? Can we get some specifics about the challenges of getting mixed up with an out-of-favor pantheon?<BR/><BR/>(Come on, EE, leave off Hephaestus. Hephaestus is hot.)150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29889788247738921182009-03-31T16:15:00.000-04:002009-03-31T16:15:00.000-04:00I, too, would like to know why Sarah can see the s...I, too, would like to know why Sarah can see the swordsman, and why the swordsman is killing people in the first place (they can't all be Jack's human wives. Can they?) I would also like to know what she sees in Jack, because the way he's described makes him sound like a bit of an ass. <BR/><BR/>A swordsman is striking people dead on the streets of Baltimore, and only Sarah can see HIM. But everyone else would be able to see random people Suddenly Dying. Right?Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40825044550239136862009-03-31T14:13:00.000-04:002009-03-31T14:13:00.000-04:00I'm with Sarah. Mostly. I think I am.I don't get a...I'm with Sarah. Mostly. I think I am.<BR/><BR/>I don't get any compelling reason for Sarah to see swordfights and killings that no one else sees. Usually that type of behavior <BR/><BR/>"Pardon me miss, but do you see that warrior in armor shoving a sword through the guts of the man in green?" <BR/>"Get away from me you lunatic! Someone dial 911 on this crazy fool." <BR/>"But I see body parts, dead ones too..." <BR/><BR/>And the resolution is the men in the white coats come and take her away to a padded room. <BR/><BR/>BTW Nathan Bransford rants and raves and carries on shamelessly trying to stop people from opening queries with a single rhetorical questions. HOWEVER, you are brave enough to use two of those questions. It didn't work. Sorry to say it didn't. It's hard to juggle the possibilities of two rhetorical questions and read on. <BR/><BR/>Mostly because, as the reader is thinking "marry a god" and "will die because of that?" you go on to Sarah and her depressing parents and equally depressing home life and then introduce the reader to swords and killing and finally a music shop. It doesn't work. <BR/><BR/>Maybe starting with "After experiencing hallucinations of warriors fighting with swords, a panicked and hysterical Sarah finds the man of her dreams, her soul mate for life in a music shop. But all is not as it seems, the music man is the target of assassins from Mount Olympus." <BR/>That doesn't quite work but you get the idea. Why is Sarah fated to fall in love with a Greek god? Don't pose the rhetorical question without answering it. <BR/><BR/>And beware FATE! Oedipus was fated to marry his mother and kill his father and look what happened to him. Sisyphus's fate was to role a ball up a hill only to have it role down. Icarus was fated to roast his weenie (sorry {blush} cheap joke). <BR/><BR/>Tell us why Sarah is fated to fall in love with a Greek God and, maybe, die. Or does this have a happy ending. The Greek god is reinstated and marries her and they live happily ever after? FATE has a happy ending?Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32025475323838888852009-03-31T10:44:00.000-04:002009-03-31T10:44:00.000-04:00What I got from this query:She sees people being k...What I got from this query:<BR/><BR/>She sees people being killed by a sword-wielding maniac on the streets of Baltimore. So she shacks up with a rageful record store owner to not deal with the killings.<BR/><BR/>Sex with an angry stranger to avoid calling the cops seems a bit extreme.<BR/><BR/>Queries are a pain sometimes. I think you're trying to cram too much into this and it's coming out all muddled. And there doesn't seem to be room for your voice to shine through.<BR/><BR/>Can you summarize the story in 4 sentences and then work from there? I have found that to be very helpful for me in getting to the heart of the plot.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.com