tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post1448457452685475097..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 1029Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-80805837603761520022014-08-02T16:50:09.996-04:002014-08-02T16:50:09.996-04:00BTW, EE, I loved your continuation!BTW, EE, I loved your continuation!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10223359712001924744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4129513098863496912014-08-01T22:41:47.955-04:002014-08-01T22:41:47.955-04:00I like the voice and the way it's going. But t...I like the voice and the way it's going. But two problems:<br /><br />1) Trees aren't weird.<br /><br />2) Thinking as a sixth grader, I'm already bored on paragraph one and I've gone off to play video games.<br /><br />In this first page, Cody stands still and stares at things. <em>Stationary</em> things. And he thinks about things that aren't very interesting.<br /><br />Unless you intend to have an action-packed teaser prologue in which he's fighting mutant rats or whatever, you need to hook the kids now. When does Cody <em>do</em> something, interact with someone, speak to someone? I recommend cutting out whatever you have before that and diving into the action. Then you can lace in the information you presented here later.T. K. Marnellnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46448992636001655622014-07-31T16:47:29.246-04:002014-07-31T16:47:29.246-04:00It is middle grade and the trees are trees.It <i>is</i> middle grade and the trees <i>are</i> trees.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36078363860615751522014-07-31T14:17:24.943-04:002014-07-31T14:17:24.943-04:00I would have quit reading because I don't read...I would have quit reading because I don't read middle grade material. I read it as the trees were trees, not aliens.I didn't see anything suggesting any other genre.Kreggerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07229620504046221727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49082530794195003302014-07-30T13:50:38.224-04:002014-07-30T13:50:38.224-04:00It seems okay to me. You have aliens in the 1st pa...It seems okay to me. You have aliens in the 1st paragraph, and if you dump "So weird," which doesn't do much, you'll have danger in the 2nd paragraph. I'm not crazy about two consecutive similes (trees = aliens, leaves = fingers) but if they're the aliens' fingers I can handle it. <br /><br />I assume, as he's in a dog park, that he has his dog with him. He could mention that it won't be dangerous with Waldo along, thus introducing the character most readers will care most about.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-9684907249921484462014-07-30T11:57:17.185-04:002014-07-30T11:57:17.185-04:00thanks. those changes sound good. I had the openin...thanks. those changes sound good. I had the opening without the trees watching stuff but others said it was too bland.<br /><br />does the lack of any other comment by you, EE, mean it was just too bland to mess with still?<br /><br />I need to know if it draws the reader in. I'm afraid it doesn't. I've written the opening 10 different ways and just don't know if any of them work.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10223359712001924744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-43607044635899184732014-07-30T10:07:13.805-04:002014-07-30T10:07:13.805-04:00I would drop the first five sentences. Get rid of ...I would drop the first five sentences. Get rid of the comma after "aliens." And make the first sentence of P5 the last sentence.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47984535689835614102014-07-30T09:49:39.945-04:002014-07-30T09:49:39.945-04:00Unchosen continuations:
And I did, but it was mo...Unchosen continuations:<br /><br /><br />And I did, but it was more fun than ever because Dad went to Hollywood and brought back a piece of equipment he bought at an auction from some movie about shrinking kids. <br /><br />He shrunk me, and I swam around for hours, and Billy our dog got shrunk too but a little bigger so I could hop on his head and swim with him. We laughed and sang until a mosquito nearly sucked me dry. <br /><br />How is Dad gonna get me back to normal?<br /><br />--CavalierdeNuit<br /><br /><br />Slowly I walked to the trees. I stopped next to a clumps of them, their alien presence shielding me from the sun. So I talked. And I talked. I talked to the trees.<br /><br />But they didn't listen to me.<br /><br />--Khazarkhum<br /><br /><br />A bathtub full of alligators and eels called the Swamp of No Return. That's what it's like to be homeless around here. But what did I expect? Killing off my stupid whiny parents had it's drawbacks, but at least I still had my friends. <br /><br />I rubbed the stump of my left arm. Last summer I lost the bet and an arm. But this summer, I'm gonna win. I'm after Bigfoot and I know right where to find him... <br /><br />--Dottie Davis<br /><br /><br />I crept up to the edge of the trees. Then, afraid I chicken out if I just walked into the woods, I gritted my teeth and ran as fast as I could into the forest.<br /><br />I woke up in a hospital bed with bandages on my head. My mom was talking to somebody. <br /><br />“So, you're awake now? How stupid is it, Cody, to close you eyes and run into an oak tree? You knocked a square foot of bark off if that's any consolation.” She said.<br /><br />“I guess it was stupid.” I said. “Can I have a chainsaw for my birthday?” <br /><br />--Mister Furkles<br /><br /><br />Cody reached into his pocket and pulled out his crack pipe. From a minature baggie he extracted a rock and flicked his Bic to get high. He tightened his red bandana with spray painted gang emblems and scratched his new "Sons of Anarchy" tat. Pushing his old-school raybans up the bridge of his nose, he gripped the handle of his chainsaw. "If I can't go in the woods," he muttered to himself as he started towards the trees, "nobody can go in the woods."<br /><br />Fifty feet later he ran out of extension cord for his electric chainsaw.<br /><br />--kreggerEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com